My Treatise on Why Hot People Should Stay Single Until I'm Married

I. Of Why it sucks for hot people to have significant others

I might sound somewhat selfish in my treatise, but trust that I will convince you to feel the same way.

When was the last time you saw someone hot of the opposite sex and you're chatting them up and all of a sudden they mention a significant other. It is almost as if you're world collapses. I mean I envision frolicking in fields with this person, laughing and having a good time, hot passionate sex, beautiful babies, and then the FUCK IT UP by saying something like, "oh yeah, my girlfriend and I do that all the time." And then I'm like, you'r GIRLFRIEND! Why the HELL would I care about her! It's sad. They can probably see it on my face. After the girlfriend has slipped into the conversation I usually find a way to slip out - "Well nice, talking to you. I've gotta go take care of my hemroids." Ok maybe I'm not that crass.

II. Of Why it is best for hot people to stay single

Have you ever run in to that hot girl or guy that you had a hot fling with and found out they were still single? It's a rush! You guys can have more flings, as many as you want! No weird conversations about how they're getting married tomorrow.

III. Of Why it is a hot person's responsibility to stay single

So there have been times when I'm dating a guy and it hits a point, get serious or quit. I used to get mad if a guy didn't want to get serious and just wanted to "have fun." And then I thought about it one day. If he was "serious" with someone else, WE would have never dated. If I was serious with someone, I would have never been able to have a hot fling with a hot guy. Thankfully the whole "I want to be serious" phase of my life ended early. I've had A LOT of fun times since then. And so for the small percentage of the population who are attractive AND fun, it is your responsibility to stay single and available to other attractive and fun people so that the fun times can keep rolling.

IV. Conclusion

Have I convinced you yet? If nothing else. If you're under the age of 25 you're YOUNG! You've got a long life to live! (unless you get hit by a bus tomorrow and who cares since you were living it up before then). Live life for the experience of it, for the learning experiences, for the sake of making your days happier than they would be otherwise. Especially if you're hot, young, and fun, do not get hitched! Don't do it! That person you think you're in love with will be around when you want to get married in a few years. WAIT. Oh ok, so you think someone else will snatch them up right? Well all you have to do is string the person along emotionally long enough, then break everything off abruptly. Then make sure you keep their contact info updated so that when you're finally ready, and you still think they're "the one" you can run back into their lives and say how you were such an asshole before not because you wanted to be but because you were emotionally scarred as a child and you couldn't handle the prospect of actually finding the one. Or that your grandmother died and you became extremely depressed for a long time, had to go to counceling, and you're finally better.

Viva La Vida Loca!

** Disclaimer: Don't try to pull any of this crap with me or I'll cut you! Its only fun when I don't get hurt.