Every day..
Everyday I wake up thinking, "Today I need to start living." I've always suffered from the problem of putting off today what I "think" I'll do tomorrow. Whether it's being friendlier to people today or working hard today, I save it until tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and I still do not accomplish any of the above. This has been worrying me for a while. First I had to figure out why I think/act the way I do.
When I was young my mother taught me about delayed gratification. It made perfect sense at the time and is a legit thing to teach your kids. You can't do or have everything you want right now because in this country, depending on who you are at least, you have to put in hard work before you can see the fruits of your labor grow. So I delayed a lot of things - partying, dating, lounging around with no real purpose etc.. And for the longest that worked well.
But then I got to the point where I wondered if it was time to stop delaying my gratification and make a complete attempt to carpe diem! But then oddly enough I saw a special on MTV "True Life I'm Obese." One of the characters on the show refused to stop eating so much because to him "you only live once!" I felt like yelling at him though that because of his habits he wasn't going to be seizing many more days. So I looked at the bigger picture and thought "the candle that burns twice as bright, burns the fastest." In other words, those who live up every day are more likely to die earlier. It always seemed to me that those who lived the most, lived the most every day of their lives or contributed the most to society, died at a young age - e.g. Biggie, Tupac, Kurt Cobain, Marylin Monroe, John Lennon, Mozart, Vincent Van Gogh, Elsie from Cabaret... The list goes on.
The end result is that over a period of time I learned how to delay acting upon my desires. I'm realizing now that it not only makes for a very boring day to day lifestyle, but also, when I look back at my life when I'm much older, will I see a string of opportunites that slipped away? a passionless life? That's pretty sad.
What I need to do now is learn how to live in the moment. Not everything in life is gained by working hard now or sensoring your desires. I anticipate going through an awkward stage of life. In trying to break my habits I'll probably let go of a thought, but then fight myself to actually engage it and see it through.. Like today I hardly acknowledged my boyfriend telling me he was going to bed because I was too busy being focused on work. So instead of hopping on him and "violently ravaging him" (HAHA thanks Rex ;-)) I muttered good night.. Next time I'll catch myself being lame.. probably hours later and then do something out of the blue.. maybe.. in an attempt to "experience" the more enjoyable things in life. Will my boyfriend think I'm crazy for waking him up at 3 am? Probably. Though I prefer crazy to awkward anyway..
I'll let you know the results...
When I was young my mother taught me about delayed gratification. It made perfect sense at the time and is a legit thing to teach your kids. You can't do or have everything you want right now because in this country, depending on who you are at least, you have to put in hard work before you can see the fruits of your labor grow. So I delayed a lot of things - partying, dating, lounging around with no real purpose etc.. And for the longest that worked well.
But then I got to the point where I wondered if it was time to stop delaying my gratification and make a complete attempt to carpe diem! But then oddly enough I saw a special on MTV "True Life I'm Obese." One of the characters on the show refused to stop eating so much because to him "you only live once!" I felt like yelling at him though that because of his habits he wasn't going to be seizing many more days. So I looked at the bigger picture and thought "the candle that burns twice as bright, burns the fastest." In other words, those who live up every day are more likely to die earlier. It always seemed to me that those who lived the most, lived the most every day of their lives or contributed the most to society, died at a young age - e.g. Biggie, Tupac, Kurt Cobain, Marylin Monroe, John Lennon, Mozart, Vincent Van Gogh, Elsie from Cabaret... The list goes on.
The end result is that over a period of time I learned how to delay acting upon my desires. I'm realizing now that it not only makes for a very boring day to day lifestyle, but also, when I look back at my life when I'm much older, will I see a string of opportunites that slipped away? a passionless life? That's pretty sad.
What I need to do now is learn how to live in the moment. Not everything in life is gained by working hard now or sensoring your desires. I anticipate going through an awkward stage of life. In trying to break my habits I'll probably let go of a thought, but then fight myself to actually engage it and see it through.. Like today I hardly acknowledged my boyfriend telling me he was going to bed because I was too busy being focused on work. So instead of hopping on him and "violently ravaging him" (HAHA thanks Rex ;-)) I muttered good night.. Next time I'll catch myself being lame.. probably hours later and then do something out of the blue.. maybe.. in an attempt to "experience" the more enjoyable things in life. Will my boyfriend think I'm crazy for waking him up at 3 am? Probably. Though I prefer crazy to awkward anyway..
I'll let you know the results...
posted by GyangBang | 10:58 PM
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