External Personae Part II

I was just reading a post that Rex wrote called "External Personae" and it reminded me about a theory that I've been developing from observation, namely that when people talk about themselves, they are often describing the person they want to be and not so much who they really are. Some character traits are quite objective - height, weight, eye color, etc. Those you can't make up without someone looking at you as if you had two heads. But then there are other character traits which cannot be readily observed on a superficial level - intelligence, strength of character, morality, etc. Though intelligence can be argued to be a quite objective trait, since it can be measured, well A.) No one's going to make a person who says "i'm intelligent" take an IQ test right then and there and B.) there are many forms of intelligence that cannot be captured by a simple paper & pencil test anyway.

While I think most people, if not all, talk about who they *wish* they were, there are also people who are excellent self-realizers and those who are not. Those who are strong enough to develop the character traits they claim to have already when describing themselves will often speak of their true self. Those who do not have the true resolve to develop the traits they speak of will always present a facade of who they wish they were to others. But once you get to know the latter person further and see how they react to the stimulus in their environment, you will realize that they are actually full of shit.

For example, after 'dabbling' in the 'real world' for 2 years I've come across quite a number of people who describe themselves as "smart." At first I want to believe them b/c, well you know, truth bias. But the more I get to know them the more I realize what they meant to say was "I wish I were smart." Because it isn't a simple case of the person thinking they are smart because they are the sharpest tool in their respective tool box (i.e. social group), but somehow, someway, the person eventually admits how incompetent they think they are. They want to believe they're smart, but because they lack the true motivation to be such a person (like picking up a book), life experiences prove over and over again that the person is not actually smart at all. It's the same with people who say they are a "strong" person. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone say this, only to see them crumble at the smallest infraction, man I wouldn't have to torture myself in grad school to make anymore money.

But even with the ability to project facades, there are traits within a person that are known to be true by the person and by those who know him or her because of environmental feedback. For example, a person may think they're not a bitch. But if enough people have told, said person, that they think the person is being "bitchy" or mean, eventually the person must concede that they are in fact a bitch. A person who gets straight A's in college is smart and has the right to say so, etc.

The interesting thing about facades is that most people know that they are actively creating them, which is why I eventually find out what the person TRULY thinks about themselves. The longer you know someone, the harder it is for them to keep up the charade. Then again, there are always those people who are not only poor self-realizers but are also delusional! Oh man those people really get to me.. (see previous post)