Is Repenting Acceptable?

So I've decided to take a little break from my relationship diatribes. Life every writer (I use the term very loosley) who gains a concious at some point, I anticipate loosing some fans. I mean there are probably only 5 people who read this blog on a regular basis, so I guess I'm not that special ;)

Either way, after having a conversation with my roommate, I remembered an event that happened in my life that I absolutely dread. In high school I did one of the meanest thing's a friend can do to another friend. I won't say what it was but I ended up losing the trust of a close friend. Yeah it was high school and yeah everyone is retarded but of course, somehow, vindictive little me crossed the line.

I recalled how much I hated the person at the time and couldn't care less if they fell off the face of the earth. Then I fastforward a year later, freshman year of college. I hadn't talked to this friend in about a year, but suddenly got this feeling of disgust. I remember it was after my roommate read a card her sister had sent to her. I don't remember the exact words but the card expressed so much love and acceptance that it moved me to think about the friendships I had in my life. When I left high school I had burned bridges with two of my closest friends and I could not care less.. at the time. I tried to go to sleep but I couldnt. I walk over to my computer and start balling. I start crying I guess because I couldn't imagine how I could have hurt people so much, on purpose. I start typing apology letters, not really thinking they would get a response, but hoping that the recievers would understand that at the time, I was a different person, I was a person I didn't want to be. Since then I had grown. I had learned a lot in college and I finally realized I wanted, and needed to "repent" from my past transgressions. SEND

I don't remember when they replied and how we reconciled our differences but I was forgiven. I look back now and wonder how I could have been so stupid! These friends are currently two of my best friends who make me laugh the most out of anyone I know. When I'm home we all hang out, when I turned 21 they flew in to celebrate with me. And these are the people I thought were absolutely dispicable when I was in high school, go figure.

I tell this story because it made me start to wonder about religion and repenting. I once heard a guy say that Christianity upset him because of the idea that a man can spend all his life molesting children but can repent on his death bed and go to heaven. Now I'm not a Christian but I feel there must be some clause about the ability to repent. If you've been evil all you're life, no amount of repenting the second before you die is going to get you anywhere.. but thats all speculation I guess.

In any case, so for a period of time a person is evil. A person, through life experiences, looks back and realizes the error of their ways. Should this person be held any less accountable for the evil deeds they did because they've become a "new" person? Maybe it's easier to picture if the person, say, killed someone. Say a killer spends 10 years in jail and becomes completely disgusted with the person they used to be. Should this person be entitled to another chance at life? forgiven for their past trespasses? It seems that forgiveness depends on the extent of your evil. Maybe you stole money from your parents as a teenager, it was teenage angst, you're forgiven. Maybe you ate a baby.. dude you ate a baby, you're a baby eater, you're going to HELL! I guess even I wouldn't trust a baby eater no matter how much they believe they've changed.

But seriously. If I've experienced a disconnect in who I am as a person, I'm sure many people do. It's a weird concept to me though that at present, as you are living your life day to day, you are responsible for every action. But in the future when you look back, you are somehow granted the ability to dismiss actions you feel you took out of ignorance or because life was unfair to you, etc. Interesting..

Well I'm sure as hell glad that people know how to forgive. I'd probably have no friends if this weren't the case..

and P.S. if this doesn't make any sense to you, thats okay. This probably won't make as much sense to me tomorrow.

P.P.S. Anytime you think you're a little pregnant, just a little, which means not a lot pregnant, try E.P.T.