The Meaning of Love.. from a cynics point of view

As far as I'm concerned most of us are living in our self created fantasy world. It's not until we've had our worlds crushed that the wool is removed from our eyes, so to speak, and we start to see the world as it really is - an environment where survival of the fittest reigns supreme. I mean no one is to blame for wanting to keep their fantasy world alive, seeing that the alternate vision is so bleak.

But I don't understand why so many people condemn what cynics have to say. To me, people who are called cynical are those that have had their fantasy worlds crushed way before the rest of us or had someone force them to do a 180 degree turn away from the fantasy culture can create - the idea of everlasting love, social responsibility, human compassion and empathy - and turn them towards what really exisits - billions of human beings living in a way that furthers their own end. Yeah, yeah, I know I sound "cynical" but blame that on my mother's never ending goal to turn my attention away from the amusement park and towards all the tragedy that really exists in the world..

In any case, I said I was going to talk about the meaning of love.. My mother thinks that a lot of people misconstrue what love actually means. To her, love is the respect for the "fun" that another person brings into our lives. The term fun can be loosely defined. One person's idea of fun does not always jive with anothers. While some might want someone who is off the wall and never makes life a dull moment, others may want intellectual stimulation from someone they consider an equal or a superior, and some may want both. Either way, love is a contract that requires that the individual receiving the love must give to their lover what the lover seeks. Thus, love is never really "unconditional" or "unselfish."

Having love defined in such a way makes the marriage/divorce dynamics in the U.S. so much more understandable. In some instances it is not possible for an individual to keep the "fun" alive. For instance in marriages with children where the woman works, she simply does not have the time and energy to be the sexy, vixen she was when she had less responsibilities. The result? She's violated the contract of love, the husband gets bored and decides that its time to move on. Or it can be the other way around. The husband gets fat, lazy, and uninteresting and the wife no longer wants to invest effort into trying to get him to be the person she originally thought would be her source of love and excitement, and she too decides to move on. This kind of thing happens in short-, medium-, and long-term relationships ALL the time.

My mother isn't completely cynical about love. She doesn't believe that it always eventually dies. Love can grow, but only if you work at it. Once you've gotten to know someone extremely well whatever it was that made you love them starts to fade.. the "fun" hits a lull. This is where each individual has to decide whether the other is worth investing the time and effort into in order to keep the relationship alive.

While some may think, "hey, I never thought love was unconditional in the first place" some fail to see all the cynism involved in this definition of love. In this definition of love the cynical aspect comes in when we realize that nothing is forever and life must run its course. Just because a person promises you something today does not mean they will keep that promise at a later date - no matter how grand the promise was in the first place. Although many might want to hold on to the idea of everlasting love, love for most is in a sense ephemeral. All we can do is hope that it lasts, but in the likely event that it does not, we can just hope that we have the strength to let go and move on. But everyone wants to believe that their love is unbreakable and will be the exception. Ha! Good luck to ya. Everything in life changes, the seasons, the alignment of the planets, your favorite kind of food. All you can really do is not get so caught up in your own fantasy that when your world does come a crashing down (haha, sorry I just cant help myself) you'll be able to pick up the pieces. (Note: The reason your world crashes doesn't always revolve around partners losing interest, it can also be due to other stuff like illness, or death..)

All this said, I realize that I can no longer be the type to be swept off my feet by a guy and become completely absorbed in a fantasy. I feel most women are like leaves swept up in a whirlwind by a guy. But winds, like love, are not everlasting, so eventually the leaf returns to the earth. Me? I'm like a dead weight. LOL It would take a strong wind to move me an inch, let alone lift me off the ground. Maybe a hurricane can have such an effect.. but then again, hurricanes leave devastating damage.. haha.. oh what a love life I lead.

Putting silly metaphors aside in a way I'm disappointed with my cynicism. I see girls get so carried away and euphoric with the stuff they're boyfriends tell them. And in my head I usually just laugh b/c I know what the boyfriend's after and realize he's a damn crafty son of a gun in getting it. I want to be swept away! Buuut that wont happen. Instead I'll just laugh at everything a guy tells me, genuine or otherwise. But hey, maybe I'll meet a guy who thinks just the way I do and our contract of love will be grounded in the fact that we both have made the 180 degree turn, see the world for what it is, and somehow are still able to have "fun" with one another.. even if it's just for a moment...