Becoming a social recluse

I'm starting to remind myself of an old me; the me from high school. I'm quite shocked actually. I was a raving bitch in high school because I hated everything and everyone and couldn't wait to get the hell up out of there. I also thought that I was so annoyed b/c I was so much more "mature" than everyone else and that once I entered the non-high school world, things would be a whole lot better. Things were better for a while; while I was in college that is. And now that I'm in grad school, its starting to feel a whole heck of a lot like high school again. I was warned a couple of times that med school would feel like high school. But thats not the type of news that would deter a person. But these days I start feeling an overwhelming urge to tell people to "shut the hell up" no matter if they're talking about something amongst themselves that I feel is completely trite and is causing "noise pollution" or if they're talking directly to me. Though I don't frequently talk to people that I do want to tell to "shut the hell up." I mostly only talk to people I made friends with this summer, and that has suited me just fine. It would be even better if I could "close my ears" the same way I could close my eyes, though.

After a particularlly annoying episode today I wondered, WHY am I SOO annoyed? Today one of the class representatives took time from the beginning of class to give a "reminder" for the 10th damn time in 2 weeks about an event coming up. His jokes were a parody of Letterman's "Top Ten List." Not only did I find none of the jokes funny, not even remotely so, around #5 he used the opportunity to publicly ask out someone he had asked out already. While the class "awwed" and "cooed" and laughed, I was getting more annoyed by the minute. First of all you're preaching to the choir, we're first years, you don't need to beg us 20 times to go to the event. Secondly, stop wasting my time with crappy jokes and using class time to re-ask a girl out. Yup, sir. We got it the first time. All of it.

But then I started to think, why am I the only one not laughing? Why am I the only one annoyed? I think a friend hit the nail on the head when she made the comment, "You're like a senior amongst a sea of freshman." So true! These people remind me of freshman and are every damn bit as annoying as freshman. Everything is new and exciting to them and its all about forming tight bonds w/ the new classmates you've just met. For me, I went to this school as an undergrad, and thanks but no thanks I've already got awesome friends. I don't need any strange, and not funny acquaintances.

My goal now is to be truly apathetic about people; to have the kind of apathy where I'm not annoyed or disgusted, I just stop paying attention. My ipod may help me in this endeavor :) And maybe, just maybe, these freshman will calm the hell down eventually and I can interact w/ them in a civil way - you know, without wanting to tell them to shut the hell up.

I know now though that I will have to do my residency at a different institution. Maybe I'll be the "freshman" and will think other people are cool, b/c I'm trying to make new friends, and people are 100 times more cool when you're in a new environment and don't want to be lonely.

But for now I'll keep reminding myself "you're not the crazy one" and hope for the best :-/