It's time to focus

Breaking up with a person is similar to trying to have an orgasm with a person. It's rare that you both come to the same place at the same time, and one person is left feeling extremely unfulfilled.

My breakup was a long time coming I guess. The two breakups prior to this one should have been a big enough warning. But for some reason, I think the breaking up and getting back together was necessary. There was a reason we were together and the reason has now been fulfilled. The reason? That's harder to tell. Part of me believes that my bf wouldn't have made the plunge into academia if it weren't for my example or my praise of his choices. And according to him, my love helped him through some tough times. I'm always glad to be of service :-)

Eventually shit hit the fan for a few reasons - him not being sure I'm the one, and me being too young to really tell heads from tails and wanting to focus on my career.

I felt bad about it at first, but after talking to my mother and getting a reality check, I feel loads better.

A.) Don't invest emotionally in a man when you know you're not ready to settle down. Keep them as friends.

B.) There are way more important things in the world than a relationship at 23 (e.g. building a satisfying career, learning from various experiences, doing your part to help others, etc.)

C.) I'm selfish, demanding, and I get bored easily. There is a low possibility that any man could stay in a long-term relationship with me unless...

D.) I meet him at work. Once I have my professional life, I will cherish my free-time that much more. Moreover, whoever you meet on the job will know your ins and outs from a professional side and decide to love you despite your short-comings and will relate to you very differently than someone who gets to know you personally. If that makes sense.. And instead of arguing over stupid stuff, since neither of you have much time, the relationship will be that much more rewarding.

Well that's my mother's assessment of me and she hasn't been wrong yet.. so my plan of action is to stay single for a while and go back to being me. I feel like I was able to be some of me in this last relationship, but not all of me. The complete me would have gotten dumped a long time ago due to neglect and callousness...

But hey, I'm learning right? ;-)

Its nice to think that there is someone out there who can deal with me, but that I haven't met him yet because he's going to be much further along in his career and thus much better at handling my behavior because his ego is less invested.. That is fundamentally lacking in a lot of guys in their 20s, so I guess I'll have to wait until I'm actually doing something with my life as opposed to now where I'm just studying all the time and running into men who just aren't ready. But then again, neither am I!