Re-Discovering My Purpose
For the past couple of month's I have felt lost and without purpose. This is quite strange since purpose is what got me to medical school, and purpose is what I had always believed would get me through this arduous journey! But alas, it seems that as soon as my greater dreams began coming true, the harder it was for me to remember why I had dreamt them in the first place.
As a kid I wanted to grow up and be a famous scientist who would help society in some big way. After my freshman chemistry class shook that delusion loose, I decided that in medicine I would find my passion and would still be able to improve society as a whole by helping the disadvantaged; both in fulfilling their need for healthcare and by advocating for greater social good.
I guess I can call it youthful idealism that has been replaced by the realities of the adult world. But it's not just that. There are plenty of kids my age so full of passion that they're moving and shaking local communities and bringing greater good about in both small and large ways. The idealism of their formative years hadn't yet whithered away, so why had mine?
Laying in bed tonight, I realized what my problem was. I am a "judger" and have always been. Something is good, bad, or not worth my qualitative assessment, i.e. it gets ignored. Living in America today, its easy to make a lot of negative judgments - e.g. Yes we have abundance in this country but why must people take so much advantage of it that they become obese? Why must people be so selfish as to only worry about what's in it for them? Why must people have such low self-esteem that they engage in such self-destructive behaviors? Why do so many lie, cheat, and steal their way to the finish line? Why are future leaders so passive-aggressive? And why the hell do people at a prestigious university use "like" all the damn time?!
It's just too easy to get frustrated with people, culture, and society as a whole these days and just damn it all to hell.
But as I thought about my traits as a "judger" I wondered, wouldn't my life be that much easier if I just stopped passing judgment on people? What if instead I lived by two rules - never intentionally hurt anyone and always try to make other people feel good/better about themselves. These are two principles my mother has always harped on, and though I believed in them conceptually, I now realize its time for me to put them into ACTION.
My academic advisor gave me a packet of information that he compiled to help his students focus and "be better people." As I read through it, one quote stuck out to me:
"Please, my friends, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -- Plato
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was in fact true, it seems to be a fundamental state of being human. While there are always the exceptions, most of us are battling with something. If its not feelings of inadequacy, its fear of failure. If its not a broken heart, its a broken dream. Family members fall sick, companies cut jobs. On top of it all, the competition gets fiercer every day and many of us are trying to keep our heads above water. Indeed, all of us are fighting in some way.
Having said that, how many times has someone made your load easier to bear? The question I asked myself was how helpful is it for me to grimace at people I can't stand or who I'm not interested in getting to know? How helpful is it for me to judge another as weaker and treat them callously? There are plenty of people who are always trying to bring people down, but few who are always trying to pull people up.
I've had great examples from friends who are good at putting a smile on another's face. And now, instead of seeing the niceties of others as just a superfluous pattern of behavior that means nothing, I now understand it's deeper impact.
Though I've gone in quite a circuitous route, I am glad to have re-discovered my purpose - never put down, always lift up. In living by these principles alone, my judgments won't matter. The fact is I have no idea what another person might be going through and I definitely don't want to add to the frustration, anger, pain, and emptiness so many people feel in this country.
I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep up my new approach to life. This time, its not just about "being nice" so I can get something. It's about giving someone else a little happiness they can hold on to.
As a kid I wanted to grow up and be a famous scientist who would help society in some big way. After my freshman chemistry class shook that delusion loose, I decided that in medicine I would find my passion and would still be able to improve society as a whole by helping the disadvantaged; both in fulfilling their need for healthcare and by advocating for greater social good.
I guess I can call it youthful idealism that has been replaced by the realities of the adult world. But it's not just that. There are plenty of kids my age so full of passion that they're moving and shaking local communities and bringing greater good about in both small and large ways. The idealism of their formative years hadn't yet whithered away, so why had mine?
Laying in bed tonight, I realized what my problem was. I am a "judger" and have always been. Something is good, bad, or not worth my qualitative assessment, i.e. it gets ignored. Living in America today, its easy to make a lot of negative judgments - e.g. Yes we have abundance in this country but why must people take so much advantage of it that they become obese? Why must people be so selfish as to only worry about what's in it for them? Why must people have such low self-esteem that they engage in such self-destructive behaviors? Why do so many lie, cheat, and steal their way to the finish line? Why are future leaders so passive-aggressive? And why the hell do people at a prestigious university use "like" all the damn time?!
It's just too easy to get frustrated with people, culture, and society as a whole these days and just damn it all to hell.
But as I thought about my traits as a "judger" I wondered, wouldn't my life be that much easier if I just stopped passing judgment on people? What if instead I lived by two rules - never intentionally hurt anyone and always try to make other people feel good/better about themselves. These are two principles my mother has always harped on, and though I believed in them conceptually, I now realize its time for me to put them into ACTION.
My academic advisor gave me a packet of information that he compiled to help his students focus and "be better people." As I read through it, one quote stuck out to me:
"Please, my friends, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -- Plato
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was in fact true, it seems to be a fundamental state of being human. While there are always the exceptions, most of us are battling with something. If its not feelings of inadequacy, its fear of failure. If its not a broken heart, its a broken dream. Family members fall sick, companies cut jobs. On top of it all, the competition gets fiercer every day and many of us are trying to keep our heads above water. Indeed, all of us are fighting in some way.
Having said that, how many times has someone made your load easier to bear? The question I asked myself was how helpful is it for me to grimace at people I can't stand or who I'm not interested in getting to know? How helpful is it for me to judge another as weaker and treat them callously? There are plenty of people who are always trying to bring people down, but few who are always trying to pull people up.
I've had great examples from friends who are good at putting a smile on another's face. And now, instead of seeing the niceties of others as just a superfluous pattern of behavior that means nothing, I now understand it's deeper impact.
Though I've gone in quite a circuitous route, I am glad to have re-discovered my purpose - never put down, always lift up. In living by these principles alone, my judgments won't matter. The fact is I have no idea what another person might be going through and I definitely don't want to add to the frustration, anger, pain, and emptiness so many people feel in this country.
I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep up my new approach to life. This time, its not just about "being nice" so I can get something. It's about giving someone else a little happiness they can hold on to.
posted by GyangBang | 2:00 AM
1 Comments:
Hi E!
I know this is over a year late (I just realized I had stopped checking my college friends' blogs!), but I really loved this post and completely agree with this philosophy. Let me know how it's been going putting it into practice! (And how everything else is going :) )
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