Interacial Dating Kind of Sucks...
Ok so for most people who know me, you know that I'm an equal opportunity dater. If I find you attractive, no matter the race, I'll give you a chance.. well unless you're a black guy I'll give you half a chance.. this isn't racist as much as knowing my race well enough to know what to expect. I realized the other day though that most of my friends who are currently dating someone are dating interracially.. practically all of them. And I thought wow how progressive.. Then I remembered the time I was in San Francisco with my boyfriend and a drunk bum who happened to be a black guy looked at us and said "What is that some kind of experiment?" Oh and then there are the weird stares we'll get from time to time. There are also the stories he's told me about how this white girl who is dating this black guy were walking in San Francsico when this black woman bum just came up to the girl and punched her in the face! AND the time his other friend was in SF on Castro on Halloween and got beaten up by some black guys that didn't like the fact that his girlfriend was black. What a mess...
And as far as tolerance goes, California is the Mecca.. yet intolerance still runs rampant.. not only intolerance, but active intolerance.
I had a drunken conversation with my boyfriend about how interracial dating is annoying enough but interracial marriages are even harder. In his idealistic, I'm the youngest child and like to dream attitude, he believes that if you're in love with someone it shouldn't matter the race b/c love conquers all yada yada. Yeah whatever. The problem with interracial marriage that you dont so much have in interracial dating is that you're probably going to have a child.. or many.. whatever floats your boat. Are you ready to bring a child into the world that is going to have identity issues out the ass? Not to mention dealing with ish other ignorant people put them through.. It's just a hard decision and so most people choose just to stick with their own race when its time to stop dickin around and get married.
The other problem is that its harder for some couples than others. I was talking to a friend today about how I'm usually oblivious but this weekend I noticed a lot of stares from people in Palo Alto. And I'm like what the hell are you looking at? You didn't stare at that white and asian couple walking down the street hand in hand or the fifty other asian/white couples that came before them! I guess tolerance has to do with contrast. White/Black - Awful! White/Kind of white not really white but white enough - Eh not excited about it, but acceptable. White/Brown - Um what the hell? Wait, do they have a lot of money? Ok fine..
I'm making sweeping generalizations about interracial stuff but I guess that's b/c I'm especially bitter after having my mom tell me that if I had interracial kids she doesnt know if she could deal b/c it would remind her of slavery and how I'm ignoring my whole ancestry.. so that cuts down my marriage options.. maybe I won't even have kids.. who knows..
I wish I didn't have to think of interracial issues. But with the prospect of physical and/or verbal assault, having a well-meaning but racist mother, and having an A in Racial Identity Development seminar which pretty much taught me that interracial people usually have a harder time of figuring out "who they are," I guess I'm having to reconsider the whole thing.. Not to say any of this weighs more heavily than the prospect of having exotically beautiful children.. Le sigh..
And as far as tolerance goes, California is the Mecca.. yet intolerance still runs rampant.. not only intolerance, but active intolerance.
I had a drunken conversation with my boyfriend about how interracial dating is annoying enough but interracial marriages are even harder. In his idealistic, I'm the youngest child and like to dream attitude, he believes that if you're in love with someone it shouldn't matter the race b/c love conquers all yada yada. Yeah whatever. The problem with interracial marriage that you dont so much have in interracial dating is that you're probably going to have a child.. or many.. whatever floats your boat. Are you ready to bring a child into the world that is going to have identity issues out the ass? Not to mention dealing with ish other ignorant people put them through.. It's just a hard decision and so most people choose just to stick with their own race when its time to stop dickin around and get married.
The other problem is that its harder for some couples than others. I was talking to a friend today about how I'm usually oblivious but this weekend I noticed a lot of stares from people in Palo Alto. And I'm like what the hell are you looking at? You didn't stare at that white and asian couple walking down the street hand in hand or the fifty other asian/white couples that came before them! I guess tolerance has to do with contrast. White/Black - Awful! White/Kind of white not really white but white enough - Eh not excited about it, but acceptable. White/Brown - Um what the hell? Wait, do they have a lot of money? Ok fine..
I'm making sweeping generalizations about interracial stuff but I guess that's b/c I'm especially bitter after having my mom tell me that if I had interracial kids she doesnt know if she could deal b/c it would remind her of slavery and how I'm ignoring my whole ancestry.. so that cuts down my marriage options.. maybe I won't even have kids.. who knows..
I wish I didn't have to think of interracial issues. But with the prospect of physical and/or verbal assault, having a well-meaning but racist mother, and having an A in Racial Identity Development seminar which pretty much taught me that interracial people usually have a harder time of figuring out "who they are," I guess I'm having to reconsider the whole thing.. Not to say any of this weighs more heavily than the prospect of having exotically beautiful children.. Le sigh..
posted by GyangBang | 10:38 PM
5 Comments:
My grandparents are really traditional, i.e. racist. They got mad back in the day, when one of my cousins was dating a Korean girl. They said she had to be Chinese. Eventually, my cousin met a great Chinese girl, and they got married and just had a baby. But my other cousin has had a tougher time meeting girls, and he's dating a Caucasian girl right now. My grandparents really want him to settle down soon because he's in his mid-thirties, and they think he's running out of time. So now, they don't care so much that she's not Chinese, they just want my cousin to settle down. Maybe you should follow my cousin's approach, and not marry for a long time, and when your mom wants grandchildren, maybe she'll change her tune.
This entry reminds me of the quote, "Let's just fuck each other until we're beige." I wonder who said that.
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As a product of an interracial marriage, I have to say that I had it easy growing up. First of all, as a native Californian, my parents weren't publically stoned (with rocks, that is... I think they were with mj, but that was self-inflicted). Secondly, I look white (whatever that means) so not everyone can tell. Subsequently, I'm not Mexican enough for the Latina bitches... but then again, they are bitches. I wouldn't say I had a difficult time, and neither would any of my hapa/mixed friends I grew up with would either. Some felt like they were more one than the other, some identified with both.
For me, identity isn't hard to grasp; you fit into multiple categories, don't limit yourself to only one type of self. I think no matter what your race, or sex, or culture, or home planet you'll never be this perfect model of some idea of normal - you're just you.
Also, let it be known that both of my uncles married Mexican women - both are now divorced. My father's mother didn't like my mom because she wasn't Mexican, or Catholic, or anything my grandma thought was important. However, my mom eventually became the favorite daughter-in-law, despite (or perhaps due to) the fact that she stuck to her guns and was herself. And now, she's both the favorite and the only.
Yes, let's just fuck each other until we're beige. I said that.
Problem is, everyone is racist, at least a little, because we have this irrational pseudo-scientific construct called "race" and we use it to correllate with other traits we see in people, good and bad.
But if we were all beige, there would be no races (there really isn't such a thing as "race" now anyway, scientifically speaking). The heritage of different peoples would be everybody's heritage, everybody's history. We would still have divisions and diversity, but they would be along flexible lines, and you could choose which side you wanted to be on.
Anyway, that's my utopia. I worry that it's so liberal that it's wrapped all the way back around to conservative. Ah, me.
Sorry to drop the f-bomb in my first post, Ernie Els.
For the record:
All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color.
-Bullworth
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