Too Much Ego, Too Little Perspective

This one's for you Rex! Although anything said in this post will be a blanket statement that doesn't necessarily pertain to you :) Your comment reminded me of something I was thinking about.

I was shooting the breeze with some friends recently, talking about how much of a nose dive my social life took since I started studying for the MCAT. It was inevitable that the subject of Mr. Protege would come up since he was the last guy I had extended interaction with. I don't know if I was on crizack during my MCAT studies or what. But it wasn't until after talking to a friend about the whole course of events that I learned that the problem I have with relationships with the opposite sex, and I'm assuming many other people also have, is that I hardly ever look at things from another person's perspective AND my actions are dictated by how deflated or inflated my ego will become as a result of an action.

I was ready to call Mr. Protege a crazy A**hole (well i mean he kinda is regardless) b/c of his actions until my friend made me think of how my actions could have caused him to act in strange ways. Apparently, not calling someone for a week after a date is read as disinterest. Really? Also rejecting a kiss from someone is as good as rejecting them, REALLY?? Lol, this all makes sense now but trust me it didnt before. I started to think, if I tried to kiss someone and they turned away I think I'd stop the pursuit right then and there. But instead I called Mr. Protege an ass for ignoring me after the incident. Haha.. Oh WELL. You live and learn. Remember when you were a kid and if you, say, spilled something, you thought HOLY BAJOLEY! and ran away as quickly as possible. And when asked, "who spilled the apple juice?" you were sure to blame it on anything else that existed in the house that moved (i.e. the cat, your sibling, etc). Well folks, I made a mess, and I'm running away, and blaming it on.. um.. Mr. Protege :) ... and I feel more free for doing so.

But this is just an example of how problems arise in relationships. First off, people lack so much perspective it is ridiculous. Take for instance, needy women. I don't think needy women really realize how amazingly annoying they can become. I didnt even realize how annoying a needy woman could be until a needy friend came to visit. I had to drive her everywhere, I had to listen to her ramble on about anything and everything, I was her source of entertainment. After she left I realized how much guys have to put up with! Women were raised for whatever reason to believe that a guy is supposed to be there for you, to listen, understand, love you, etc. But men are HUMAN. No one wants to be the end all and be all for anyone else. Its too much PRESSURE! And as a matter of fact, it makes the person start to resent you. Women really need to get off the crack they're on and realize how much torture they are putting men through. And when the guy wants to back off and/or leave the relationship of course HE is the asshole, HE doesn't know a good thing, yada yada, yada.. Seriously.. before you start pointing fingers put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Another example is women demanding commitment from men who dont want to give it. The way society is set up, men are in the position of going after women all the time. Just because they go after a particular woman doesn't mean they want to marry her! They probably thought oh she's interesting/hot/whatever I'll go talk to her. All of a sudden she turns psycho biznatch and wants to latch onto him. AHH! Think about if this happened to you. What if the next time you picked up a baby to admire how cute it was, it latched on to your nipple, wouldnt let go, and demanded you take it home and nurture it! Ok this is totally extreme and ridiculous, but it just speaks to how a lot of us need to get better perspective on our actions. I bet you'd be gun shy about picking up another baby though ;-) !

Furthermore, you can't take more from a person than you give. For whatever reason, when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, both men and women suffer from complete lack of respect of the needs and wants of an individual. Sure we know that we can't keep using our friends without reciprocating anything, but somehow when we interact with the opposite sex, we lose all sight of this. I'll admit that I do this a lot. I've always seen guys as a source of entertainment and therefore feel I should just get to sit back and be entertained.. apparently this is only a good idea if you're hanging out in a frat house. In the "real world" people (man or woman) don't want to be viewed as a lesser, taken for granted, used, etc.

And as far as ego goes.. I feel my friend summed it up for me: "You're going to have to realize that you're going to be smarter than anyone you date. You just have to stroke a guy's ego enough to make him think that he is in control."

While I don't agree that I'll be more intelligent than anyone I date (I hope not!) I would say that my friend has a point. The thing with a lot of women who are single and don't want to be is that their egos get in the way of asking for something they want. For me, I think, I've done a lot and seen a lot in my life, I don't need a guy to make me feel complete, to make me feel good about myself etc.. Well thats fine, but if I keep acting like I dont need anything I'm going to have to end up doing everything myself..which loses its appeal after a while.

In addition, I have to stop letting my ego dictate my actions. Usually I wont do something b/c I think a person will view it negatively and I'll be looked down upon. I'm learning though that the intent behind the act and how the act is carried out holds much more weight than the act itself. For instance you want to ask a guy out. For a lot of women, they simply wont do it b/c they feel it will make them look desparate. Well I used to think this, but learned that if you think that's how you'll come off, you WILL end up looking desparate. But if you ask with confidence without appearing like there are any strings attached to the situation, then you'll be viewed in a better light. Of course if you keep asking, no matter how confident you may think you are coming off, you'll just end up looking desparate :) But hey! Who cares? We're putting our egos aside right?
..Right..

ok. i'm done rambling.. time to eh, um, pack..