Bad Boy vs. Good Boy, does it matter?

Today I had a conversation with a friend who was trying to make herself like a "good guy" more than she liked a "bad guy" and both guys want her bad. She let me know all the reasons why she should go with the good guy and all the reasons she shouldn't go for the bad guy and kept calling herself stupid for even thinking of dating the "bad guy." In the conversation with her I was finally able to express and idea of mine that I've been throwing around in my head. For as much as people tell me that I'm "mature for my age" I've always thought that if I matured early, everything in life I'm "supposed" to attain would come much sooner. I started college at 16, graduated at 20, thus I should have a career started earlier than most.. right? Not so much. Instead of going straight through to med school I took 2 years off to live in the "real world" for a bit. So in effect, I'll be the same age as someone coming straight from college. Will I have more life experience than people who go straight through? Most likely. Will that mean I'll do better on exams? Probably not. Does it mean I'll be a better clinician in a couple of years? Maybe. Did the person who went straight through college to grad school make a bad choice? Probably not.

The point here is that we're all individuals here to learn our own lessons, for one reason or the other. When my friend kept going on and on, I finally just told her "listen. you're going to keep trying to talk yourself out of dating the bad guy, but you know what, you're probably going to do it anyway. will you get hurt? most likely." She interrupted and said "well i just don't think that i should keep making choices that i KNOW have bad endings." I responded by saying, "one thing i believe is that there are lessons we're going to learn not by thinking it through, not by someone telling us what's right or wrong, but by actually EXPERIENCING the lesson first hand." She retorted, "But I KNOW he is bad for me. I shouldn't have to light myself on fire to know that its going to hurt." I responded, "Well, there's a difference. What pleasure would you anticipate gaining if you lighted yourself on fire versus what pleasure do you anticipate gaining through your benefit of the doubt that the bad guy may end up being a nice guy? As long as the doubt exists in your head, you'll be inclined to do it. And only in dating him, and maybe a few more like him, will you erase that doubt and know next time to say upfront, 'hey, don't pass go, this isn't going to work out. sorry.'" "Fair enough" was her last response.

And I'm learning slowly but surely that you can't really speed up your life. I do think I'm more mature than a lot of 22-year-olds. That comes from the things I've seen and experienced as a kid, upbringing, observation of other 22-year-olds, and constant affirmations by older individuals when they think that I am much older than 22. Does that mean I'll get married by 23, be a doctor by 24, have life figured out by 30? Probably not. I still have a lot of growing pains in the relationship department, but my last relationship has shown me that I am willing to stretch and grow from the experience. I can't be a doctor by 24 because it'll take 4 or 5 years of required training (the only certainty that I have in my life thus far), and by 30, I'll be older and wiser but that doesn't mean I'll be closer to the purpose of my life or anyone else's.

So in the end, I've decided that sadly, I will not be able to figure everything out on a time frame that I find convenient. And also, many aspects of life cannot be figured out just by 'thinking it through.' I'll have to learn about life as I experience it. Though most things are uncertain, if I'm at least ready to grow, the time for great things will come.