Why? I don't know

I don't know why med school is forcing me to undergo a constant autopsy of my emotions these days, but it is. I was talking to a friend about much of nothing today when he asked how my day went. I had nothing much to say so I asked him a random question - Do you think guys and girls face different consequences of mean or antisocial behavior? He said yes, and asked what prompted the question. I told him the story of how today, one of my few friends at school, though he is just as antisocial as me, or maybe even more so since he chooses not to come to class b/c of how annoying he finds the class as a whole to be (and b/c its easier to just watch the lectures online), anyway, yesterday was his birthday. When someone asked why he didn't tell anyone he simply answered, "I don't care" and walked away. And all of a sudden, today a group of people bought him a cake, sang for him, talked about how much they loved him.. and I was just simply confused. How is it that both of us can exhibit the same behavior, yet he gets a cake!

My friend brought up a good point. "Is he single?" my friend asked. I responded, "Yeah, but he's gay." "Even better," my friend said. Now I was puzzled. My friend continued to say, "Bang, even though your hot (whatever), in their eyes you're an angry, black female who is antisocial and mean. Your friend on the other hand is just simply viewed as an attractive, non-threatening, male."

Interesting.. Can't say this is the first time I've gotten the "mean black girl thing." A few people told me that no one in my sophomore dorm attempted to be friends with me because A.) They thought I only talked to black people (don't know where in the hell this assumption came from since the majority of the people in the sorority I was apart of were not black) and B.) They thought I was a bitch and that I would be mean to them.

At the time, although I was taken aback by those assumptions - I was pretty nice back then - I didn't see the point in changing anything. I'm most comfortable being ME; the me that doesn't fake it, but if you need help I'll try my best.

But I'm starting to think I do need to soften the blow these days. While I still don't believe in pretending to like anyone if I don't, it might be a good thing to stop making comments about people, whether out-loud (accidently) or privately with friends. Because people talk. And I'm sure someone has told someone else, that I said something, about whomever.

None of my attempts to change will be in hopes of getting a cake on my birthday though. A.) I refused to send an email to the "birthday master" as to when it is and B.) I'm planning on being absent. Its my birthday. I don't want to have to endure irritations of biblical porportions like I do everyday on my birthday.

Now I just have to plan what to do that weekend... a trip out of state sounds nice :)