Eureka!

(I should also note, that not all posts are going on my myspace account since more personal posts, or posts about certain people and things, can be read by people that I don't want reading them. This blog is more personal.. so grab a pillow, snuggle up, and enjoy the mellow vibes of the smooth jazz whafting out of the speakers :) )

Ok to the point. I think I've finally figured out why I have felt strange about my love for my boyfriend. Usually when people are in love you can see it. They're head over heels and never want to be separated from their loved one for a second! Ok, maybe this is a bit extreme. But the point is after the "honeymoon" stage wore off I felt distant. I know I love him.. well I think I do.. but I just don't "feel" it. I've been wondering why that is, and if its just a "me" thing. But I think I've finally figured it out.

I don't "feel" in love with him b/c I still view him as an enemy to be wary of. There are parts of my life that I have purposely neglected to share with him b/c I felt that he would judge me. But in thinking of whether or not to finally share certain things with him, I started to feel less apprehensive, less like he is an enemy of sorts that can judge me and destroy me. I mean I have no idea how he will react to any of it, but if it is positive, or at least supportive, I guess then I know the love really exists. And then maybe I can let my hair down and allow myself to feel... to REALLY feel..

This could all end badly with me dumping him and throwing a brick at his truck.. buuut.. lets go with the warm feelings until proven otherwise ;-)