Grinning from ear to ear.. for now

So short story - I broke up w/ the bf last Friday b/c I thought he handled an important situation really poorly. Felt like shit the whole weekend even though I was in Santa Barbara with wonderful friends. Felt like I needed to talk to him today to "fix" the situation and was quite surprised about what came out of it.. turns out, I was right.. but not for the reason's I originally thought.

I originally thought that the bf was trying to let the relationship go b/c he was really insecure about himself and his place in the world and was projecting his fears on me. Turns out while he was projecting his fears onto me, it wasn't out of insecurity as much as out of paternalism.

I'm actually surprised that he was so honest with me. He started out by saying that he had this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach with the thought of not being able to talk to me ever again (I told him on Friday that we could not be friends, b/c I don't stay friends with exes) According to him, he originally agreed to breaking up b/c he felt that I would break up with him down the line anyway since we wouldn't get to see each other much this summer. And he's seen long distance relationships break down so much that he just figured it would be better to end it now. And maybe the best thing would be to let me be free to find "Mr. Hot Shot." He also mentioned that he is afraid that he is my first love. And that to him first loves are never genuine and it takes a few tries before you figure out what love is and my love for him may be based on factors that don't relate directly to him.

For the first time though I had a very adult conversation in a relationship and we decided not to break up with the caveat that its going to be a rough summer given the demands on his time. As I told him though, most women get mad at men when they choose something over them because to the woman it says that the man doesn't care for her at all. But since my bf has made it clear what he thinks, feels, and envisions, I don't have to worry about him doing something because he doesn't care. And I'm a trooper, I don't need him to decide what's right or wrong for me, whether I genuinely love him, or whether I'll leave him for a "hot shot." I have my own decisions to make in life, as does he, and we can't predict the future. But we've had an awesome time together so far, so why give that up?