Taking a step back
Its no news that I'm trigger happy, but I think my decisions this time around are less based on fear, and more based on reality and maturity.
Today I decided that next time I talk to the bf that I'll ask him if we could take a step back in the relationship. I don't want to break up per se, but the last 2 weekends have kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not investing my time wisely.
This past weekend the bf came down and we went out with some med school people. It was lots of fun and well I guess I thought I felt closer to him than before. But he came down Friday and I can't remember which day he said it (either friday or saturday) that he was going to leave sometime saturday. At first I was ok with it b/c I had group meetings on Sunday starting at 9 AM and I didn't want to leave him waiting around until I got back. But Saturday roles around, we hang out most of the day and then he abruptly starts packing his stuff and is like "whelp I'm gonna go" and I just start crying. I know that I've been especially sensitive to some relationship issues; damn near most women have "abandonment" issues stemming from childhood. But more than that he does this so frequently. When he comes to visit me he takes off at the blink of an eye, and as far as I'm concerned its unprovoked. But when I go and visit him he doesn't kick me out or hint at me leaving. Quite the contrary he offers to have me stay longer.. which got me in trouble the last time.
At first site of my tears I don't think he quite understood what was going on and he had a nervous laughter. But then when he realized I didn't have something in my eye he asked what was wrong and I eventually just told him that his abrupt leaving bothered me. The reason he gave for leaving was that his dad was out of town and his mom was going to be home alone. Which, at the time, for whatever reason made me even feel guilty for keeping him any longer.
In any case, he tried and failed to make me feel better about anything and I wished him well on his trip back.
The weekend before this last weekend I went up to visit him and was going to leave sometime Sunday but he convinced me to stay until Monday morning. I A.) didn't study as much as I should have for a test I had that week and B.) Ended up being ridiculously late for a class for which I had a group presentation.
So today, as I watched lectures and my eyes glazed over I started to doubt a lot of stuff. Firstly, who the hell cares if his dad is out of town? I'm sure this isn't the first time and I'm sure his mom would have been fine with or without him in the same zip code. Secondly, was that really the reason he took off? He left sometime before 10, it only takes about an hour and a half for him to make it back home, yet he didnt call to check up on me or anything.. makes me wonder if he was just rushing home to go out w/ some friends.. I can neither confirm or deny this since I think its silly to grill a bf about such things.. if they lie to you, you'll eventually figure it out. He also hasn't called for a few days, which the "nice me" would chalk up to being freaked out by emotionality, but the "more realistic me" feels put on notice that the relationship is not at a point where I can openly express feelings beyond happy or angry.
Moreover, because I went and visited him the weekend before (which again he tried to convince me to do and I stupidly said yes) I had to study in 3 days for a test I should have spent 3 weeks studying for. I thought I failed it. Thank goodness I didn't but was all of that worth it? No.
So in conclusion, while I love my bf very much, I need a break for my own sanity sake. I would think after a year I wouldn't have to put a sensor on feelings of sadness or extreme emotions.. but apparently thats the case... and if this is the case then, well, it shouldn't be something I spend to much time with...
I'm afraid to have the conversation because I don't want to break up as much as just step back.. but any type of rejection may trigger someone to blow things out of proportion and ask for a full on break up.. but hey, I need to take care of myself...
:-/
Today I decided that next time I talk to the bf that I'll ask him if we could take a step back in the relationship. I don't want to break up per se, but the last 2 weekends have kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not investing my time wisely.
This past weekend the bf came down and we went out with some med school people. It was lots of fun and well I guess I thought I felt closer to him than before. But he came down Friday and I can't remember which day he said it (either friday or saturday) that he was going to leave sometime saturday. At first I was ok with it b/c I had group meetings on Sunday starting at 9 AM and I didn't want to leave him waiting around until I got back. But Saturday roles around, we hang out most of the day and then he abruptly starts packing his stuff and is like "whelp I'm gonna go" and I just start crying. I know that I've been especially sensitive to some relationship issues; damn near most women have "abandonment" issues stemming from childhood. But more than that he does this so frequently. When he comes to visit me he takes off at the blink of an eye, and as far as I'm concerned its unprovoked. But when I go and visit him he doesn't kick me out or hint at me leaving. Quite the contrary he offers to have me stay longer.. which got me in trouble the last time.
At first site of my tears I don't think he quite understood what was going on and he had a nervous laughter. But then when he realized I didn't have something in my eye he asked what was wrong and I eventually just told him that his abrupt leaving bothered me. The reason he gave for leaving was that his dad was out of town and his mom was going to be home alone. Which, at the time, for whatever reason made me even feel guilty for keeping him any longer.
In any case, he tried and failed to make me feel better about anything and I wished him well on his trip back.
The weekend before this last weekend I went up to visit him and was going to leave sometime Sunday but he convinced me to stay until Monday morning. I A.) didn't study as much as I should have for a test I had that week and B.) Ended up being ridiculously late for a class for which I had a group presentation.
So today, as I watched lectures and my eyes glazed over I started to doubt a lot of stuff. Firstly, who the hell cares if his dad is out of town? I'm sure this isn't the first time and I'm sure his mom would have been fine with or without him in the same zip code. Secondly, was that really the reason he took off? He left sometime before 10, it only takes about an hour and a half for him to make it back home, yet he didnt call to check up on me or anything.. makes me wonder if he was just rushing home to go out w/ some friends.. I can neither confirm or deny this since I think its silly to grill a bf about such things.. if they lie to you, you'll eventually figure it out. He also hasn't called for a few days, which the "nice me" would chalk up to being freaked out by emotionality, but the "more realistic me" feels put on notice that the relationship is not at a point where I can openly express feelings beyond happy or angry.
Moreover, because I went and visited him the weekend before (which again he tried to convince me to do and I stupidly said yes) I had to study in 3 days for a test I should have spent 3 weeks studying for. I thought I failed it. Thank goodness I didn't but was all of that worth it? No.
So in conclusion, while I love my bf very much, I need a break for my own sanity sake. I would think after a year I wouldn't have to put a sensor on feelings of sadness or extreme emotions.. but apparently thats the case... and if this is the case then, well, it shouldn't be something I spend to much time with...
I'm afraid to have the conversation because I don't want to break up as much as just step back.. but any type of rejection may trigger someone to blow things out of proportion and ask for a full on break up.. but hey, I need to take care of myself...
:-/
Labels: breaks, emotions, relationships
posted by GyangBang | 12:20 AM
2 Comments:
This may sound weird, but I'm kind of glad to hear that women have "abandonment issues." My biggest fear in a relationship is that *she* will leave *me* someday. I have major trust issues. Some woman called into a local radio station last week and said she found out her boyfriend of 10 years had been cheating on her. I was like, "Oh what a shmuck!" But then she said that she left him and two months later found a man she's been with ever since. OK, so the title of my comment is *jump* back. It took her only two months to replace a guy she'd been with for 10 years? I know I know - he cheated on her. But lemme tell ya - if I found out my lover of 10 years had been cheating on me, I would be *devastated* and not exactly looking to get some new ass right after that, ya know? *shrug* Trust issues.
Anywho, I hope your bf wasn't scared off by your being emotional. I see no reason why someone you love shouldn't be able to show his/her emotions. Wouldn't that make a guy feel even closer to a girl...? I mean, knowing she trusts you enough like that and wants your company? *shrug*
Richard Feynman once said, "I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics." Well, I can safely say that no one understands relationships. I don't anyway.
I think being able to jump back into a relationship is different for women and men. In your response I can see now HOW different men and women are. Yes I'm sure the lady in the story was devastated. And while I don't think I'd be able to jump right into a relationship for a loooong time, there are a lot of women who need the crutch of having someone there and for them having someone helps heal their wounds or at least lets them ignore them for the time being.. And I think they have trust issues too, but they play them out IN a relationship rather than not getting into one b/c they don't trust men. Interesting...
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