What in the HELL was I thinking?
While I know it is important to stop being strategic about dating at some point (ehem marriage) I can't help but wonder why I allowed myself to break one of the cardinal rules of dating. As far as I'm concerned, letting someone know that you will wait for them can be a very big mistake, and yet, I did it. I took the bait hook, line, and sinker. (Is that even how you say that phrase?)
Don't get me wrong, at vital times in the relationship (e.g. contemplating marriage) their are times when a partner should talk the other one off a ledge, so to speak, and address the other partners fears. But then there are other times when assuring a partner of your loyalty will just get you into a big mess. They may start to relax and think, well, they're not going to leave, so I'll just relax for a bit. Problem is, I'm not quite sure which side of the line we stand on... which means I should have just stayed vague.
For future reference, instead of allaying each of his fears by saying we'll find a way to work it out, I should have said something more like, "that's a legitimate fear, and we don't know what the future may bring, but that doesn't mean we should give up on the hear and now." For instance when he told me that him being my first love made him worry that my love for him would run its course, instead of saying, "yeah but i'm not a 16 year old teenager who wants to love for the sake of loving, and thus your fear is illegitimate," I should have said, "Well maybe that'll happen, who knows.." lol.
Oh well I made my bed and I must sleep in it for better or for worse. I still don't regret the conversation though. But now I feel as if I have to put a time limit on things. If nothing more serious develops within a year, we'll have to seriously re-evaluate things... cuz hey, my clock is ticking. Lol. Not really, but I kinda always did want to have kids before I was 30.. and at 23 with a long stretch of lots more school and little time to socialize, I gotta get a move on it while I'm still young and firm. Lol.. yes I often compare myself to produce.. That's not too much to ask for right?
:)
Don't get me wrong, at vital times in the relationship (e.g. contemplating marriage) their are times when a partner should talk the other one off a ledge, so to speak, and address the other partners fears. But then there are other times when assuring a partner of your loyalty will just get you into a big mess. They may start to relax and think, well, they're not going to leave, so I'll just relax for a bit. Problem is, I'm not quite sure which side of the line we stand on... which means I should have just stayed vague.
For future reference, instead of allaying each of his fears by saying we'll find a way to work it out, I should have said something more like, "that's a legitimate fear, and we don't know what the future may bring, but that doesn't mean we should give up on the hear and now." For instance when he told me that him being my first love made him worry that my love for him would run its course, instead of saying, "yeah but i'm not a 16 year old teenager who wants to love for the sake of loving, and thus your fear is illegitimate," I should have said, "Well maybe that'll happen, who knows.." lol.
Oh well I made my bed and I must sleep in it for better or for worse. I still don't regret the conversation though. But now I feel as if I have to put a time limit on things. If nothing more serious develops within a year, we'll have to seriously re-evaluate things... cuz hey, my clock is ticking. Lol. Not really, but I kinda always did want to have kids before I was 30.. and at 23 with a long stretch of lots more school and little time to socialize, I gotta get a move on it while I'm still young and firm. Lol.. yes I often compare myself to produce.. That's not too much to ask for right?
:)
Labels: loyalty, strategies, young and firm
posted by GyangBang | 9:00 PM
2 Comments:
"Oh well I made my bed and I must sleep in it for better or for worse."
The Stoics believe that all external things are immaterial to a sage's happiness, because the only the only true good in the world is virtue. As an example, they tell the story of two sages who find some lodgings along their journey; one sage gets a bed that is all gross and befouled and puked upon, and the other sage gets a bed with clean sheets. But because both sages have that untouchable quality of virtue within themselves, they are able to enjoy an equally good night's sleep.
Hook, line, and sinker? The phrase is actually more like...
[after picking up Mig-28's on radar]
Maverick: I'll get a visual ID, Cougar you hook 'em.
Goose: Roger, and I'll clean 'em and fry 'em! Yee haww!!!
Sorry...couldn't resist. :-D I know - not as poetic as Rex's comment.
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