Youth
I went to a party last night, and despite my exam this coming Monday, I'm glad I went. While I was elated to see friends and hang out and chat, what made me more glad to have gone is what the party did for my perspective.
I don't know why, but I go through these phases of feeling like a kept woman and wondering about kids, marriage, and my future home life to the rebellious youth who knows what she knows and wants to do things her way. After spending a night looking around at old, fat, short, and balding men I woke up this morning actually frightened about the idea of marriage. I take this as a good sign actually. I mean its not like marriage is roses and daisies ALL the time. You're going to want to look over at the person and tell them to STFU...now! You're going to be so annoyed at the things you once thought were "cute." "I can't believe you got us lost again! WTF is wrong with you???" vs "Oh its so cute, she can't find her way out of a paper bag." Oy veh! Not fun!
Though the alternatives are A.) Doing what more people are doing these days and cohabitating.. um no thanks or B.) Never getting married and being perpetually single... well if I want kids, I also want to give them a stable father figure.. so maybe not so much either...
But for the most part I feel again, that my engines have been "unclogged." That the murkey, muddiness of emotions that colored my past few weeks has dissipated and now I can look at the future with bright youthful eyes and notions of changing the world rather than thoughts of changing diapers.
Seeing that human evolution has deemed me of prime child-bearing age, I'm pretty sure I'm going to waver like this for quite some time. I swear my body is trying to hint certain things to me that I don't want to deal with right now.. i.e. having babies.. but for now I'll fight my biological urges until I hit an age where I'm like, "all right, I'm bored, whats next?" Apparently for a lot of people this age is 27....
I don't know why, but I go through these phases of feeling like a kept woman and wondering about kids, marriage, and my future home life to the rebellious youth who knows what she knows and wants to do things her way. After spending a night looking around at old, fat, short, and balding men I woke up this morning actually frightened about the idea of marriage. I take this as a good sign actually. I mean its not like marriage is roses and daisies ALL the time. You're going to want to look over at the person and tell them to STFU...now! You're going to be so annoyed at the things you once thought were "cute." "I can't believe you got us lost again! WTF is wrong with you???" vs "Oh its so cute, she can't find her way out of a paper bag." Oy veh! Not fun!
Though the alternatives are A.) Doing what more people are doing these days and cohabitating.. um no thanks or B.) Never getting married and being perpetually single... well if I want kids, I also want to give them a stable father figure.. so maybe not so much either...
But for the most part I feel again, that my engines have been "unclogged." That the murkey, muddiness of emotions that colored my past few weeks has dissipated and now I can look at the future with bright youthful eyes and notions of changing the world rather than thoughts of changing diapers.
Seeing that human evolution has deemed me of prime child-bearing age, I'm pretty sure I'm going to waver like this for quite some time. I swear my body is trying to hint certain things to me that I don't want to deal with right now.. i.e. having babies.. but for now I'll fight my biological urges until I hit an age where I'm like, "all right, I'm bored, whats next?" Apparently for a lot of people this age is 27....
posted by GyangBang | 10:14 AM
1 Comments:
I'm glad I'm not the only one troubled by this. Currently, I'm actually OK being single - my biggest concern is that I eventually want kids and want them to have a mother figure. But I think it would be much easier on me to just die alone. ;-)
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