Why S-E-X is B-A-D
Ok so clearly I'm not from a Puritan colony and don't believe that sex should only be performed for the act of copulation, but now that there is a such thing as in vitro fertilization, humans won't even have to participate in SINS OF THE FLESH! Ehem..
Like my friend Kate said, sex can "make you love a one eyed billy goat." I've seen enough one eyed billy goat lovers to finally take a stand on the downfall of sex, in and out of relationships. First off, if you do it with the wrong person, you might just give yourself a death sentence.. or a lifetime of itching and burning.. or at least a guilty trip to your doctor..
Besides that, a note to guys out there: sex makes girls CRAZY! Even for the more sane women out there, the strings attached to sex eventually pull you closer to someone.. whether that person is bouncing back to you or running the other way is another matter. The funny thing is that guys have long heard of the state of delusion sex can put a woman in and STILL decide to sleep with someone they don't care that much about.. tisk tisk, Lorana Bobbit wasn't in the wrong. Joey Buttaffuco should have known better.. sigh.. men
Anyway, scientists say that for men, oxytocin and vassopressin are horomones that makes a guy fall in love in a sexually healthy, committed relationship. Outside of a relationship oxytocin, for men at least, make them ready for the next sexual act.. most likely with another woman.. From my observations sex does the following to people -
For Women:
Makes you think you're in love
Makes you willing to settle for less.. if the sex is good
Makes you feel desireable
Makes you want to cut a bitch if she gets near "yo man"
You may suffer from virgin's disease*
For Men:
Makes you lie/cheat/be a real dick head (no pun intended)
Makes you want to kill (figuratively hopefully) a cheating partner
Devalue a woman if she was "too easy"
You may suffer from virgin's disease, although the rates of infection are lower
A lesser known effect, is that mind blowing sex can cause people to get married. Do such marriages last? Probably not. Do sane people think sex is a reason to get married? No - this is why the occurence is rare.. but apparently does happen.. I'm keeping my mouth shut as to how I know this. :)
As for me, I'm currently listening to "How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston on repeat and writing a hundred love notes on floral paper and spraying them with my perfume, and signing each "your booshnikums" and I'm sealing them all with a kiss...
Well not really. Well not at all.. I'd just hope someone would shoot me with a harpoon if I ever started doing such things.. or at least performed some sort of intervention.. thats all I ask.
*Virgin's Disease - An mental affliction that makes one believe they will live happily ever after with their "first."
Like my friend Kate said, sex can "make you love a one eyed billy goat." I've seen enough one eyed billy goat lovers to finally take a stand on the downfall of sex, in and out of relationships. First off, if you do it with the wrong person, you might just give yourself a death sentence.. or a lifetime of itching and burning.. or at least a guilty trip to your doctor..
Besides that, a note to guys out there: sex makes girls CRAZY! Even for the more sane women out there, the strings attached to sex eventually pull you closer to someone.. whether that person is bouncing back to you or running the other way is another matter. The funny thing is that guys have long heard of the state of delusion sex can put a woman in and STILL decide to sleep with someone they don't care that much about.. tisk tisk, Lorana Bobbit wasn't in the wrong. Joey Buttaffuco should have known better.. sigh.. men
Anyway, scientists say that for men, oxytocin and vassopressin are horomones that makes a guy fall in love in a sexually healthy, committed relationship. Outside of a relationship oxytocin, for men at least, make them ready for the next sexual act.. most likely with another woman.. From my observations sex does the following to people -
For Women:
Makes you think you're in love
Makes you willing to settle for less.. if the sex is good
Makes you feel desireable
Makes you want to cut a bitch if she gets near "yo man"
You may suffer from virgin's disease*
For Men:
Makes you lie/cheat/be a real dick head (no pun intended)
Makes you want to kill (figuratively hopefully) a cheating partner
Devalue a woman if she was "too easy"
You may suffer from virgin's disease, although the rates of infection are lower
A lesser known effect, is that mind blowing sex can cause people to get married. Do such marriages last? Probably not. Do sane people think sex is a reason to get married? No - this is why the occurence is rare.. but apparently does happen.. I'm keeping my mouth shut as to how I know this. :)
As for me, I'm currently listening to "How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston on repeat and writing a hundred love notes on floral paper and spraying them with my perfume, and signing each "your booshnikums" and I'm sealing them all with a kiss...
Well not really. Well not at all.. I'd just hope someone would shoot me with a harpoon if I ever started doing such things.. or at least performed some sort of intervention.. thats all I ask.
*Virgin's Disease - An mental affliction that makes one believe they will live happily ever after with their "first."
posted by GyangBang | 5:39 PM
5 Comments:
You are now forgiven for leaving me off your list and, furthermore, are forever on *my* A+ list for putting that little '!' next to my name. Hehe! :-)
First of all, I *would* want to kill someone who cheated on me whether we were screwing or not. Why cheat? If a girl wants someone else, just say so. We break up, and that's that. Why let me still look into her eyes and think she's thinking of me when... Yes, I believe in the death penalty.
I think Psychosuppressive Intercourse Pathology (Virgin's Disease) can be avoided by making physical intimacy (at least on that level) the *last* thing two people become involved with. I've met a lot of women I could screw, and I haven't wanted to spend my life with any of them (ergo have not banged 'em). It's what she believes in, who she'll sacrifice for, how she looks into my eyes that makes her something I want to know and spend my life with. Unfortunately, I've realized that the educated women I've been attracted to only care about two things: 1) their career, and 2) making their parents proud. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with these pursuits, but they seem to provide a lot of women I know with *everything* they need in life - it's like everything else is an afterthought, and the only guys they go for are jerks whom they want for superficial reasons. I think this has left me bitter. All I can think when I meet people like this is, "I'm so sorry for you, that your life has so long revolved around you, that you'll never see the beauty in someone else." And then I go on my way cuz I have no obligation to them - I mean, it's not like we were sleeping together or something! :-)
~ Jon
PS I just realized it should be Psychosuppressive Intercourse Maladjustment Pathology - get it? PIMP for short? HAHAHA! :-p
PPS That post I made about staring at couples really came out wrong. Of course I wasn't implying that you or your bf don't deserve each other. I just meant there are lots of reasons people stare. In your case, I'm sure your bf is good looking. So they must be looking at these two attractive people and just feeling jealous. I do that too. I see attractive happy couples and I think, "You're just faking it you bastards!" cuz I'm jealous too! :-) Point being I didn't mean to sound offensive though! Glad you didn't take it that way. :-)
1. I am totally that abovementioned educated woman with 2 pursuits, boys as an afterthought, and who goes for jerks. Good eye, J.
2. G is hotter than her boyfriend. Not that I'm slandering anyone; even Brad Pitt couldn't marry someone as good-looking as himself. Yeah, I know it's a hard lot being beautiful...suck it up.
3. Food for thought: could drugs, perhaps, make a person (sane or otherwise) THINK he/she is having mindblowing sex when he/she is not?
Jon- Ha! The PIMP thing is classic! Oh smart people are so creative! And as one of those girls who is purely focused on career and impressing my mother, I'm trying to enjoy the little things on the way. Not to say boys are little things.. but in the grand scheme of things.. uh oh, there I go again.. Anywho, nope took no offense of your comment about staring at couples. I totally understand what you mean.. I guess we all do it.
Rex - Ha! A.) I think I'm hotter too, but dont tell him that.. well he probably believes it to but no need to bruise egos, especially b/c he thinks very highly of himself. I swear I think its something about jewish mom's. I was sitting in psych 1 once - mind you I took the class 4 years ago - and this visiting prof mentioned how there is some theory that jewish men are extremely confident b/c their mom's raise them that way.. that's the only thing I remember from his lecture, so go fig. I need to surround myself with jewish mothers, so I can teach my son to be confident out the ass, whether he's a brad pitt or a [insert unattractive star]. And yes! I totally think that the drugs are causing the belief of hot sex when it probably aint much better than getting a quickie in a bathroom.. not that there is anything wrong with that if you're into such things.. eh, i'm going to go ahead and say thats gross.. but thats just me :)
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