Insert Bitterness *Here*
Caution: This post is not to be read by the emotionally weak. Chances are at some point I will hurt your feelings.
I'm not in a particularly bad mood today. Today's a good day actually. Part of my job for today is to go shopping for furniture and office supplies, yet I have this overwhelming urge to be bitter. Blame it on the fact that I might have mono, or Rex rekindiling my true east coast bitter spirit yesterday, whatever it is I'd rather let this bitterness fly rather than keep it to myself. Upsetting people is (somewhat unfortunately) my forte. While California has served to smooth out my rough edges, once in a while I've just gotta let people have it.
People on my Shit List (in descending order):
1.) People who knowingly pass on communicable diseases.
Ok folks this is just disgusting and mean. Its one thing if you accidently get something from someone who was trying to be careful. Its different if you have something and you just dont feel that its important enough to tell someone who is in harm's path. It's even worse if you give someone something on purpose (yes people do this..and they should burn in hell.) Maybe its b/c of the fact that I was born with a weak immune system, so I pretty much get anything, but I think its fuckin lame not to tell people if you have something. From herpes to a common cold, let the other person know if there is a chance they might get something from you. Not to mention I might have mono. Oh and I didn't even get it in a cool way.. like making out with a hot guy on a beach in the carribbean.. no.. if anything I might have gotten it from my roommate's boyfriend.. clearly i'm not the one making out with him, but where there's a will there's a way.. whatever that means. Bottom line, stop passing on your germs.
2.) Cheaters
I can count how many times I've cheated on one hand. The last time I did it I was in 6th grade - I don't think you can make a proper evaluation of someone's moral character at that age. It was a spelling test, and caught by the pressure to get another perfect score I felt I HAD to do it. Someone told on me in front of the class. I was such a good student though, the teacher told the student to pipe down and finish their test. Since then I've been good.
I was talking to Rex yesterday about the idea of cheating on people. She told me of a guy on a summer dig that was seeing three girls at the same time. I mean in and of itself its not horrible if you're up front about the matter. But the kicker is he had a girlfriend of 2 years at home! Who he knew he was getting back together with. I'm sorry, but if you can't handle being away from someone for 2 months, really whats the point of continuing the relationship? Don't get me wrong, some relationships get to the point where its best to test the open waters to make sure you've got the best of the best. But most people don't cheat for this reason. It's usually a very selfish reason and truly unacceptable. I'd rather call someone the moment before I was tempted to do anything and break up with them than cheat while I was still with them. Rex and I really believe it to be a moral issue, while everyone else seems to think "what's the big deal?" Ahh, we're a dying breed Rex.
3.) Guys who suffer from the Cocky-Bastard Syndrome
I'm not saying that I don't like a really confident guy. I LOVE that. But it seems I only like it until it comes to bite me in the ass! I had one guy tell me after I rejected hooking up with him, "You know, there are a lot of girls who want to sleep with me." Fine asshole! Go sleep with them, and why dont you pick up the Clap while you're at it and leave me the hell alone. Funny enough this guy kept calling me asking to be "friends." Um yeah... Then I dated another guy who couldn't get over how handsome he thought he was and whose main motto was "Sorry, no fat chicks." His definition of fat? Size 8 and above. I thought this was funny while we were dating, but of course since he's such an awesome person he can get anyone he wants.. or so he believes.. Go fuckin figure.
4.) People with no self-awareness
Everyone's got some kind of issue - napolean complex, too fuckin needy, overly bitter, a push over.. etc. Be aware of your issues and stop trying to pretend they dont exist. People do this all the time and it drives me nuts! And dont try to compare yourself to people who are worse off than you to make yourself feel better. You still got issues, deal with em and stop fucking up the lives of people around you. And if you read this and think "i don't have any issues," then congratulations, you've made it to #5 on my shit list.
5.) People in DEnial
Its one thing if you arent aware of your problems. But if its a problem there is no doubt in my mind that over the years people have brought it up to you, or at least attempted to. Instead of taking in the feedback and being appreciative that someone is trying to get you to become a better person, you probably brushed the conversation off and thought "that idiot doesn't know what they're talking about." Look, I figure for the most part life is about trying to un-do the damage your parents have knowingly, or unknowingly, done to you. Realize that no one is perfect and use the precious time you have to improve yourself as a person. It happens so often with people who go through the same thing in life over and over again and blame failure on everyone else but themselves. Look in the fuckin mirror! Even Michael Jackson, as fucked up as he is realizes that you've gotta make a change.. "I'm looking at the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways..." etc. Too bad he didn't take his own advice. Eventually, though, you're going to have to deal with the fact that its not them, its you. Change. You'll feel 100 times better.. trust me.
5.) People who rudely cut in front of you when driving
People like that really make me want to get a huge HUMMER just so I can tail-gate the shit out of them, then follow them to their destination, blaring my horn all the while, making them think they just messed with a crazy psycho. Don't cut in front of me prick!
6.) UPS
What can brown do for you? What can brown do for you? WHAT advertising company fed UPS this load of shit? I, personally, am offended and I feel that anyone else who can be considered brown (black, hispanic, indian, etc.) should be equally annoyed. This is a country that has a history grounded in bitterness and hatred for people based on their color. Brown hits a little too close to home. Maybe try other colors like Pink, or green. Brown? No dice. I'd like FedEx to come out with a slogan "What can white do for you?" and maybe I'd be appeased.
Oye Veh.. more to come... my bitterness has given me a headache that I need to take care of.
Ciao!
I'm not in a particularly bad mood today. Today's a good day actually. Part of my job for today is to go shopping for furniture and office supplies, yet I have this overwhelming urge to be bitter. Blame it on the fact that I might have mono, or Rex rekindiling my true east coast bitter spirit yesterday, whatever it is I'd rather let this bitterness fly rather than keep it to myself. Upsetting people is (somewhat unfortunately) my forte. While California has served to smooth out my rough edges, once in a while I've just gotta let people have it.
People on my Shit List (in descending order):
1.) People who knowingly pass on communicable diseases.
Ok folks this is just disgusting and mean. Its one thing if you accidently get something from someone who was trying to be careful. Its different if you have something and you just dont feel that its important enough to tell someone who is in harm's path. It's even worse if you give someone something on purpose (yes people do this..and they should burn in hell.) Maybe its b/c of the fact that I was born with a weak immune system, so I pretty much get anything, but I think its fuckin lame not to tell people if you have something. From herpes to a common cold, let the other person know if there is a chance they might get something from you. Not to mention I might have mono. Oh and I didn't even get it in a cool way.. like making out with a hot guy on a beach in the carribbean.. no.. if anything I might have gotten it from my roommate's boyfriend.. clearly i'm not the one making out with him, but where there's a will there's a way.. whatever that means. Bottom line, stop passing on your germs.
2.) Cheaters
I can count how many times I've cheated on one hand. The last time I did it I was in 6th grade - I don't think you can make a proper evaluation of someone's moral character at that age. It was a spelling test, and caught by the pressure to get another perfect score I felt I HAD to do it. Someone told on me in front of the class. I was such a good student though, the teacher told the student to pipe down and finish their test. Since then I've been good.
I was talking to Rex yesterday about the idea of cheating on people. She told me of a guy on a summer dig that was seeing three girls at the same time. I mean in and of itself its not horrible if you're up front about the matter. But the kicker is he had a girlfriend of 2 years at home! Who he knew he was getting back together with. I'm sorry, but if you can't handle being away from someone for 2 months, really whats the point of continuing the relationship? Don't get me wrong, some relationships get to the point where its best to test the open waters to make sure you've got the best of the best. But most people don't cheat for this reason. It's usually a very selfish reason and truly unacceptable. I'd rather call someone the moment before I was tempted to do anything and break up with them than cheat while I was still with them. Rex and I really believe it to be a moral issue, while everyone else seems to think "what's the big deal?" Ahh, we're a dying breed Rex.
3.) Guys who suffer from the Cocky-Bastard Syndrome
I'm not saying that I don't like a really confident guy. I LOVE that. But it seems I only like it until it comes to bite me in the ass! I had one guy tell me after I rejected hooking up with him, "You know, there are a lot of girls who want to sleep with me." Fine asshole! Go sleep with them, and why dont you pick up the Clap while you're at it and leave me the hell alone. Funny enough this guy kept calling me asking to be "friends." Um yeah... Then I dated another guy who couldn't get over how handsome he thought he was and whose main motto was "Sorry, no fat chicks." His definition of fat? Size 8 and above. I thought this was funny while we were dating, but of course since he's such an awesome person he can get anyone he wants.. or so he believes.. Go fuckin figure.
4.) People with no self-awareness
Everyone's got some kind of issue - napolean complex, too fuckin needy, overly bitter, a push over.. etc. Be aware of your issues and stop trying to pretend they dont exist. People do this all the time and it drives me nuts! And dont try to compare yourself to people who are worse off than you to make yourself feel better. You still got issues, deal with em and stop fucking up the lives of people around you. And if you read this and think "i don't have any issues," then congratulations, you've made it to #5 on my shit list.
5.) People in DEnial
Its one thing if you arent aware of your problems. But if its a problem there is no doubt in my mind that over the years people have brought it up to you, or at least attempted to. Instead of taking in the feedback and being appreciative that someone is trying to get you to become a better person, you probably brushed the conversation off and thought "that idiot doesn't know what they're talking about." Look, I figure for the most part life is about trying to un-do the damage your parents have knowingly, or unknowingly, done to you. Realize that no one is perfect and use the precious time you have to improve yourself as a person. It happens so often with people who go through the same thing in life over and over again and blame failure on everyone else but themselves. Look in the fuckin mirror! Even Michael Jackson, as fucked up as he is realizes that you've gotta make a change.. "I'm looking at the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways..." etc. Too bad he didn't take his own advice. Eventually, though, you're going to have to deal with the fact that its not them, its you. Change. You'll feel 100 times better.. trust me.
5.) People who rudely cut in front of you when driving
People like that really make me want to get a huge HUMMER just so I can tail-gate the shit out of them, then follow them to their destination, blaring my horn all the while, making them think they just messed with a crazy psycho. Don't cut in front of me prick!
6.) UPS
What can brown do for you? What can brown do for you? WHAT advertising company fed UPS this load of shit? I, personally, am offended and I feel that anyone else who can be considered brown (black, hispanic, indian, etc.) should be equally annoyed. This is a country that has a history grounded in bitterness and hatred for people based on their color. Brown hits a little too close to home. Maybe try other colors like Pink, or green. Brown? No dice. I'd like FedEx to come out with a slogan "What can white do for you?" and maybe I'd be appeased.
Oye Veh.. more to come... my bitterness has given me a headache that I need to take care of.
Ciao!
posted by GyangBang | 12:35 PM
3 Comments:
I feel very special right now. You built up your shit list so much, saying how you might offend someone, I was like, "Oh no, I bet I'm on here somewhere..." I thought I'd be under the "can't handle part-time job and full-time grad school at the same time" or "too warm fuzzy" part, but I didn't see those on here. I was thinking maybe I'd be offended by the "Typical American Male" post, but after reading it, I decided 1) I'm not typical, and B) probably a lot of guys are like that anyway. Now, to your list...
I think it's funny how laid back people in CA are, but in very specific ways. It's like that stupid "Stanford students are like ducks - calm above but paddling like crazy beneath" analogy. A lot of Californians I met were hardcore academics, but they treated relationships like the napkin that comes with their Happy Meal.
So Number 1), isn't that obvious? I hope John Paul, having of late arrived at the Pearly Gates, is putting this at the top of *his* shit list to give God advice on.
Number 2), I can count how many times I've cheated on one of my feathers! "Humans don't have feathers Jon!" You're catching on. Then again, I can count that as how many romantic relations I've had too, so, maybe I don't count. (Digression: I just remembered this story about Prince Charles' latest fling. Apparently she was married, and he was dancing with her and making out while her hubby was still at the ball. This idiot thought it was a compliment to have Mr. Big Dick Prince take an interest in his wife. WTF? It's like Prima Nocte in Braveheart. And I'd take Wallace's approach - you want my woman? If she doesn't want you, then you'll have to go through me!) Anyway, most people seem to be like dogs in this arena. They don't care who is putting what in whom, and I agree that this is sick.
Number 3), to the guy who bragged about his sexual pedigree, next time tell him Prince Charles might want to sleep with him as well.
Number 4) and 5), "The unexamined life is not worth living." Was that Plato? Can't recall. Anyway, people who don't analyze their lives miss many things that will hurt them in the end. This one I think God and natural tendencies toward equilibrium points have taken care of.
Number 6), UPS could also just dye all their cardboard white and repaint the trucks, and then they could use the suggested FedEx slogan. :-)
LOL! Hey there Jon. For one, you're right, you are NOT the typical American male. I don't think I'm even offending any guy that reads the post, as I don't think any of my actual guy friends are typical.. the guys I date.. different story. And UGH! about the Prince Charles story! What low self esteem to think its ok for some other man to be pawing your wife! I'm sure if Prince Charles wanted to have sex with his wife, he'd be ready to hold the video camera.. sigh..
Haha, I have nothing against the warm and fuzzy, otherwise the world would just be made up of jaded people like me who have no one to tell them to stop and smell the roses "What stankin roses?" :) Hm the thing about Californians treating relationships like napkins.. McDonald's napkins at that! I guess every state/city has its on shitty culture. I have a friend who lives in NYC and HATES the dating scene there b/c everyone is so into finding Mr. or Mrs. PERFECT.. and yeah, no ones perfect..
I'll keep the Prince Charles comment in my pocket and I'll whip it out for any loser who deserves it.
And it does amaze me how oblivious some people choose to be about their lives.. but maybe I should give people the benefit of the doubt. You know you have something to work on and you're trying, internally, but it'll take a while for it to show.
And yeah, I'm sure UPS has the "What can [insert color] do for you" trademarked so FedEx couldn't get in the action even if they wanted to.
Thanks for the comments! Funny and thought provoking :)
If it makes you feel better, I am probably the one who had mono in the first place (three cheers for non symptomatic carriers!). How many times have you had a sip of my drink or let me use your lip gloss? I'm hoping that A - you don't have it but if you do then B - you can place the blame squarely on me. Then we can get you an air horn and you can honk it and I will bring you trays of pills and orange juice wearing a nurse outfit, complete with the stupid little hat and ugly white oxfords.
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