THAT kind of love
I'm a bit intrigued by love since, well, I've never been "in" it. Today I was browsing friends' websites and I read a post by one friend's boyfriend about how much he loved her. There were various comments at the bottom congratulating the happy couple and I had to admit even I got a little mushy hearted. I started to wonder what a love like that felt like - one where you can't be without the person; one where you wished they could take every breath in your presence; one where everything is right in the world as long as they're around. And then a word hit me - delusional!
Haha, sorry you may have thought this post was going to be all mushy and extolling the virtues of such love but as I started to day dream of what passionate love felt like I remembered a conversation I had with my mom when I was in NY. It's funny because it's not like I've never gotten this advice from my mom before, but the older I get the more it makes sense.
Mom: "Listen honey nothing lasts forever. When people are in love and they say 'I'd die for you. I never want to live without you' watch out. And you know what reminds me of that? When I was a kid there was this candy called Goody-Goody. Oh my god. I would DIE for Goody-Goody. I would blow up a house for Goody-Goody. I would see people work and spend their money on other things and I'd think to myself 'If I made money I'd spend my last penny on Goody-Goody.' But then one day I tasted it and, it didn't do it for me anymore. I almost had a heart attack! Me, not crazy about Goody-Goody? One day I just stopped eating it all together. I mean if I got over Goody-Goody, then I realized that nothing lasts forever."
Me: "That makes sense. But I mean, there are people who stay married until the day they die. There are people who love each other over a lifetime. I mean if you don't marry for love what the hell else do you marry for? Especially since its not like your times where people HAD to marry for financial reasons."
Mom: "Listen babe, all that I love you bullshit goes away. You marry a friend. That way you build up that kind of love for each other. Instead of fading, it builds. At least that has a chance to last. Look at Jessica Simpson and Nick."
Me: "Ack. I've heard that story already. Ok fine makes sense."
So with so many marriages ending in divorce despite people either being madly in love from the get go or "knowing the person was the one" from the beginning, I had to listen to my mother's advice pretty closely.
All in all though I don't think its stupid or irresponsible for people to get married to people they instantly fall in love with. I mean how do you know its going to crash an burn from the get go when it starts so well? But for me at least, the path my mother describes is most likely the path I'll take. One day I'll be chatting up a friend and all of a sudden, it'll just be right, or make sense. I just hope that day comes before 30!
So folks, the moral? Beware of the Goody-Goody. You may tire of it also ;-)
Haha, sorry you may have thought this post was going to be all mushy and extolling the virtues of such love but as I started to day dream of what passionate love felt like I remembered a conversation I had with my mom when I was in NY. It's funny because it's not like I've never gotten this advice from my mom before, but the older I get the more it makes sense.
Mom: "Listen honey nothing lasts forever. When people are in love and they say 'I'd die for you. I never want to live without you' watch out. And you know what reminds me of that? When I was a kid there was this candy called Goody-Goody. Oh my god. I would DIE for Goody-Goody. I would blow up a house for Goody-Goody. I would see people work and spend their money on other things and I'd think to myself 'If I made money I'd spend my last penny on Goody-Goody.' But then one day I tasted it and, it didn't do it for me anymore. I almost had a heart attack! Me, not crazy about Goody-Goody? One day I just stopped eating it all together. I mean if I got over Goody-Goody, then I realized that nothing lasts forever."
Me: "That makes sense. But I mean, there are people who stay married until the day they die. There are people who love each other over a lifetime. I mean if you don't marry for love what the hell else do you marry for? Especially since its not like your times where people HAD to marry for financial reasons."
Mom: "Listen babe, all that I love you bullshit goes away. You marry a friend. That way you build up that kind of love for each other. Instead of fading, it builds. At least that has a chance to last. Look at Jessica Simpson and Nick."
Me: "Ack. I've heard that story already. Ok fine makes sense."
So with so many marriages ending in divorce despite people either being madly in love from the get go or "knowing the person was the one" from the beginning, I had to listen to my mother's advice pretty closely.
All in all though I don't think its stupid or irresponsible for people to get married to people they instantly fall in love with. I mean how do you know its going to crash an burn from the get go when it starts so well? But for me at least, the path my mother describes is most likely the path I'll take. One day I'll be chatting up a friend and all of a sudden, it'll just be right, or make sense. I just hope that day comes before 30!
So folks, the moral? Beware of the Goody-Goody. You may tire of it also ;-)
posted by GyangBang | 5:48 PM
2 Comments:
The thing about the kind of guy who would blog about how much he loves his girlfriend is, he can't be trusted. My brother was once telling me about this friend of a friend who did that, and how his post (like your friend's) got like 40 congratulatory comments from all his girl friends. My brother's response? "Tool." He said he can't stand those sissy types who thrive on women's approval.
I thought that was interesting; "approval" wasn't the first thing that came into my head, but it made sense. I wouldn't say that men are "less emotional" than women, or any bullshit like that, but it is true that men are socially conditioned to be less expressive about there feelings, so you definitely have to double-take for something fishy when they act so extravagantly outside the norm.
I agree with both of you. It makes sense to marry a friend: no matter what, the friendship ought to be there. When other things are gone (physical attraction, financial security, etc) friendship can be counted on to at least carry you through the tough times.
We'll have to hang out soon. I'm out of town until mid-July, but then... I'll be baaaack!!
-HDG
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