When you're just not that special*

*This is not to discount the blog post "Why we should ALL stop feeling lame about ourselves!"

Hmm.. So I was talking to a good friend about my current dating situation. And honestly it made me kind of sad, and extremely cynical..again. But in the end I think I have a lot of things figured out.

Maybe my idea of dating is idealistic and naive. But to me, people can date all they want. Go out with one person this night, another person the following day, week, whatever! Dating and relationships are very different for me though. For a long time I thought relationships were dumb. In junior high you swear you meet the love of your life and that you're going to be together forever and then what happens? You break up. In high school you have a boyfriend, or two. And you think you'll be together forever, and what happens? You break up. In college you have a boyfriend or more, and WHAT happens folks??? You BREAK UP!

Now why people like putting themselves through an emotional roller coaster that has more tragic consequences than just vomitting on the ride, I never really understood. I mean not to say I never wanted a relationship.. but I've always had my apprehensions. Next best thing? Date someone who is emotionally unavailable and doesnt want to settle down.. great... well, better than the consequence of having a broken heart I guess.

Anyway, so now there is the guy I'm dating. Who on the second date says something like "I'm torn. I broke up with my girlfriend and since then i've just been casual. But I kind of miss this. Being able to gel with someone and just be comfortable."
Eh, I brushed the comment off. Whatever dude, I ain't giving you the nooky.

I tell my wise friend about this and she spots this type of guy from miles away. "He's a guy in love with love." Besides the fact that he's probably not over his ex, one starts to wonder, were his past girlfriend's people he thought were special? or just a girl to be with and love, b/c he wanted to love, for love's sake? Then I remember the comment he made about how people really just want to be with people they can be comfortable with, and it helps if they're pretty. Ahh, so there isnt much discrimination here is there?

Maybe for some the idea of jumping from relationship to relationship is fine, perfectly human. But it bugs the SHIT out of me. I'd like to believe that people start relationships because they notice something special in a person they've never seen in anyone else.. I'd like to. Or at least, I'd like to believe that that je ne sais quoi that I posses is the reason a guy likes me, loves me, wants to be with me. Not just because he thinks I'm hot, or a "cool chick." I don't think this is impossible to find. And maybe sometimes you have to be friend's with someone before you realize what makes them special, while other times you see it immediatly.

Either way, my ego alone doesn't allow me to date someone "in love with love" and not "in love with me." Well maybe I won't say au revoir just yet.. b/c maybe this is the taking time type. But at this point I'd rather be friends :-/ It's funny, I've been criticized for running through guys too fast, which made me want to slow down. But even when I try, I can't. Turns out I'm really picky. And it also reminds me of this comedy skit done by a 30 year old woman making fun of dating when she was in her 20's. She talked about how she threw guys away like toilet tissue - this one's too short, this one's too nice, etc. And by 30 you're just trying to find a tissue you haven't used up yet. I keep that in mind a lot so that I'm not the 30 year old looking through the trash. But I won't compromise my pickiness! until i'm 30 :-/

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