Dating someone having a Quarter Life Crisis

I've talked to my bf on a few occasions about why he is the way he is (i.e. fickle). He once tried to explain to me the concept of the "quarter-life crisis." It made sense at first - he and his friends all graduated from college thinking that by the age of 30 they were going to be millionaires and live perfect lives. Then you get into the working world for a bit and realize, man, life sucks, my job sucks, my significant other sucks or just broke up with me, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. General discontent with your life prompts you to ask yourself a few questions - who am I? what do I want to do in my life? and how do I get there? These questions precipitate seemingly rash actions - quitting ones job to climb the himalayas, moving from city to city, bar hopping almost every night of the week only to get home and still feel shitty about your life.

I empathized with my bf and his friends at first, but recently I'm starting to change my mind.

I think that the "quarter-life crisis is precipitated by having things be *too* good in your life. In other words, your parents did such a great job providing for you that you got to grow up with fantastic images in your head about what your life would be like, floating on cloud nine. You were going to be an artist, a musician, a multimillionare - that is until your parents stopped paying the bills, dropped you on your ass, and left it up to you to create your own life for yourself. I'm not saying that having traumatic, or life-changing events in your life early on is better than not having them, but there will come a point in life where many people will have to stop coasting and take a deep look within. In my opinion having to do this at 25 is MUCH better than having to do it at 45. And for some of us, we've had to do it all our lives.

With that in mind, the quarter life crisis boils down to a few things:

1.) Not knowing who you are b/c you never had a life experience that really pressed you to examine your essential self, your deepest motives, or your "purpose" very much. Now at 25 you're forced to figure out what all those things are and what they mean in terms of your future.

2.) I think a lot of 20-somethings know what they ultimately want. My bf wants to own a yacht and only have to work 6 months out of the year as the head of some construction project and then use the next 6 months to do whatever the hell he wants. His friend that just quit his 6-figure paying job to roam the world wants to get an MBA from a top 3 business school and make more money than he knows what to do with.

3.) The quarter life crisis, to me at least, is more a period where people know what they want, but are a bit insecure that they might not achieve it. My bf could take the straightforward route - take the GRE's, apply for top engineering and construction programs, graduate, find a better job than he has now (which he is quitting soon anyway), and be on his way to achieving what he really wants. His friend, although he didn't get into the top business schools the first time around, could just as easily work on his application and apply again. Simple! The actual plan to getting there isn't hard, its the work involved that sucks. And some people don't want to deal with the actual execution of the plan. What about the English major who complains about having no employable skills? Easy. Get some! Get a job, any job that is vaguely relevant. You have to start somewhere, even if your first job isn't paying your "dream" salary.

So in my head, all the "quarter life crisis" amounts to is a long period of doubt and restlessness, that could easily be overcome if people just said, you know what, I vaguley know what I want my life to look like in 10 years, I'm not sure if any one path is better than the other, but I'm going to decide to take this one, no matter how hard, and if it doesn't feel right, I will have put in enough work to be able to tranisition to something else. But no, because most wealthy americans have the luxury to hem and hah for a few years they capitalize on the idle time and give it a name. More importantly people should realize that having a job you are truly passionate about doesn't come along just because you got a degree from college. It takes putting in a lot of work in order to get that job that you feel passionate about. E.g - I want to be a doctor and a researcher, those are the things that would make my life truly fufilling. Just because I got a bachelors from a top school doesn't mean I got that job upon graduation. Now I have to go back to school and work my ass off for years to come to get where I really want to be. To do something you enjoy, you must pay your dues.

What I do admire about my bf and his friend is that they at least have the courage to get out of the things they know they do not want to do. Yeah I think it's crazy that my bf is quitting his job to go build a house with his own hands, and quite possibly it could result in us breaking up (again), but at least he's doing something most men of his education level and age wouldn't have the guts or means to do. And his friend saved up so much money from his job that he has the luxury to take a year off, recuperate from the rat race, finally figure out who he is, and hit the ground running when he gets back.

So in conclusions, it's not that I don't believe that there is a such thing called the "quarter life crisis," I just think that people need to shut it, pick a direction and GO! Because if you really do have the resolve and determination to reach your goals, you'll get there, even if it's at 35 and not 25.