The Smelly Bum Analogy

So I've been having issues with my current roommate. I shouldn't be surprised seeing that when everyone heard I was living with her I mostly go - "You're living with HER? Good luck" or "Ugh, when you move let me know so I can come live with you."

All that said I desperately needed to get away from my living arrangements w/ my then ex-bf and needed to do it without too much cost.

Well, I should have just bit the bullet and stayed with the ex, as that would have been a lot less torture than living with my current roommate. The problem is of fundamental differences. When I'm at home and not actively socializing I'd say 75% of the time I'd like to be left alone.. Ok maybe thats a like, more like 80%. The rest of the time, if a roommate has to tell me something or wants to chat, I won't feel like my privacy or space is being intruded upon. On the other hand, my roommate is the EXACT opposite. She prefers that MOST of her time be spent with someone, even if it's just watching tv.. or.. using the bathroom. I kid you not, her and her boyfriend shower together EVERY morning. Why you ask? I have no idea. I don't even want to know.

So since they started dating they see each other every day. When the school year was still in full swing he was here throught the day - apparently sophomores aren't being worked hard enough. I told my roommate that it was far to much for me to have to deal w/ his presence so much, after he doesn't live here, and even if he offered to pay rent, I value my privacy much more than a few bucks I'd save on rent. I asked her if this would be the same pattern over the summer and she assured me that they'd both be working and wouldn't have time to be around much. Great I thought..

But then once the summer got into full blast, they'd work, and then come "home" every night. Given that I'm now a student, I'm gone during half the day, spend the other half tying up loose end and STUDY at night. Again, things became much too much. I gave it time to die down but it never did. After being annoyed for the umpteenth time when trying to study and having to here their banal conversations on which reality show was better than the other, or being woken up by them talking in the bathroom for their morning shower I decided that I had to say something.

I told my roommate that I wanted to talk to her about the situation in hopes that it would be resolved (with the side note that if it was not, I'd just move out - I haven't told her that part yet). She wanted to talk about it over the internet but I feel this is a more sit down kind of chat. "Come here hun, take a seat," BITCH SLAP! "Stop being a selfish biatch."

So finally after ignorning some of her communications for the simple fact that - I was busy, and for the more manipulative fact - if I ignore her she eventually has to come home and then we can talk in person as I originally requested, she has finally decided to talk in person.

Well that's good. But then I remembered something. We are looking at the situation from two entirely different perspectives. While I don't care about their relationship, I do care about how them being around all the time hinders my daily habits. To her she's finally living "on her own" and should be able to do most things in her own apt. To some degree I agree. Like I said, I don't care that you're dating and being completely co-dependent, I care about how this will effect my studies in the future.

But it's like the extroverts don't understand introverts phenomenon, so I struggled to come up with an analogy that would make her understand how I felt. Then came, "the smelly bum analogy."

Imagine, if you will, that I was living with you and one day I came back home and introduced you to a smelly bum. I told you that I was doing a case study, and thus needed to hang out with the smelly bum every day. At first you'd think I was crazy, but if you got over that part you might even try to be accomodating.. that is until you realized that everyday the smelly bum and I were going to be hanging out in the apartment. Now you might object. I would listen to your consideration and so during the day the smelly bum and I would find something to do and then I'd have him over at night and leave in the morning. The only problem is you still smell the stench of the smelly bum while he's here, even if you don't see him much. Add to that that the smelly bum uses the one bathroom we have. No he doesnt shower, that's why he's smelly. But he does use the toilet often and occasionaly brushes his teeth. And the smelly bum and I do this everyday. You probably still wouldn't be too keen on this arrangement. So now you're practically living with a smelly bum, you have a high stress job, and a dog that you need to take care of, which takes time out of your already stressful day. You probably wouldn't be such a happy camper.

Now how do we make this situation reasonable?

The only compromise I can really see is for them not to be here more than a certain amount of consecutive days. If you want to play house, play it on your own time, in your own house, not one that you're sharing. But of course, my roomate may not agree with this.. at which point I'll seriously consider moving.

The lesson to be learned here?

My next roommate in life will be my husband. In the meantime I'll be living on my own.