The good thing about being single is,,,

you get to refine your dating strategy by observing how other people mess up!

Case in point: There is this guy that used to come over a lot in the beginning of the year. He's a first year med student and him and my roommate (also a first year med student) would hang out a lot. I couldn't tell if they were dating or not.. he's a bit robotic. But the other day my other roommate told me that they're bf/gf not quite, maybe. Problem here? The roommate makes it way too easy for him. He comes, hangs out, they do god knows what, they cook together, chat etc. Easy. He can stay in limbo for however long he wants because either way, he'll get the same benefits. Seems like a bad strategy to me if you want someone as your bf.

Besides that, I have begun to reconcile a lot of conflicting information in my head. For the most part, I think many of the tactics I described were a bit on the manipulative bitch side. But men love sweet women, so how can you win the best guys when you're a manipulative bitch? Well actually that answer is simple, but point being - if being mean isn't your thing, how do you stay ahead in the courtship game when you know many men love challenges?

It dawned on me. You don't have to be mean AND manipulative. You can be sweet as a Georgia peach (are they really that sweet? I've never had one) and manipulative. I don't really like using manipulative in this case because it sounds as if you have an ulterior motive going where you get all the benefits and the guy gets none. Really, what the aim of seduction really is is to create fun and excitement for both parties.

The tactic? Be as nice and as charming as you can be when in his presence, but don't give in easily. It's that simple! LOL! I can't believe it took me what, 24 years to realize this!

I'm usually sarcastic, aloof, pretty much I usually give off the vibe that I can't be bothered. And if I am in the mood to flirt, I'll sting you a time or two - blame it on my sun sign.

While this weeds out the weak it also makes me feel bad that I make other people feel bad.. even if its unintentional. If that makes sense...

But I'm on this "value added" kick. What value do I add to a situation? To a person? Maybe I'll expand on this concept at another time... but for now I'll test my hypothesis and report the results as they come in. (Don't hold your breath. Med school isn't the most social venture on earth..)

I'm going to be a nicer person, for real for real this time

I've told people that I am attempting to turn a new leaf and be a "nicer" person; that is, less judgmental, more approachable, more "smiley," more giving, etc.

But I haven't been doing a good job of it.

Today I remembered something my mom told me a while back. She told me that as humans we all depend on each other. We're not lions or tigers and we don't have huge muscles or teeth to fend off attacks and obtain our own food. We depend on the kindness of others to get through our day, to eat, to feel important.. pretty much, to survive. So she asked, what is the point of being human if you can't help another person? What is your purpose in life if you can't serve as the shoulder to cry on, the person with a wealth of advice, the person who just smiles from time to time. You don't have to be a counselor or doctor to provide people with the things they need. You just need to be a nice person with a good heart.

It's easy for me to forget all of this when I'm not getting my way in life or I'm just tired in general. But really, what purpose am I living for if no one can depend on me? Also as important, how do I expect to receive goodness from the universe when I'm not putting it out there on a regular basis?

So with that, I am going to be a nicer person, for real, for real this time. I promise

Why specialization is key in medicine

I can no longer count how many times I've felt like a complete idiot for not knowing something during the course of this last year and a half in medical school. I got so conscious about my lack of knowledge that I started to observe my classmates - did they really know that much more than me?

Some of them most certainly do. I'm not going to lie. But a lot of them knew just as much or less than I did about certain things at a given moment. Phew! I'm not the class dunce!

But what I realized from all this neurotic behavior.. well sorta neurotic... is that we can't all know it all! There is just too much information!

I've had professors who say things like, "well we're not going to ask you to memorize this like they did in the old days. The only reason they memorized it back then is because that is all we knew about the body."

Now we know so much more! Its an information overload! Everywhere - not just Medicine.

I've heard about the con's of specialization - staying in your own realm of expertise may make someone myopic and seem less like a "real" doctor to some, but let me tell yah, its necessary!

With all the new things we're learning about disease, if something's up with my kidney I'd feel MUCH better going to a kidney specialist. I want someone who knows everything there is to know about the kidney, someone who loves the kidney so much they chose it as a career path, someone who has a picture of a kidney on their wall! Because an internal medicine doc has to know waaayy too much about the entire body to tell me everything there is to know about the kidney.

That's just the way it is. And thats fine by me!


I plan on going into neurology, with an emphasis on people who have numbness in their pinkie. I'll be the best pinkie specialist ever! (I kid of course.)

Love from an Economic Standpoint

I was thinking that I could sum up my previous post using economics!

In a nutshell, as a black woman, student, with no real income or accomplishment to my name, my market value is low due to low demand. Thus, I would have to sell myself at a price way below my value. Instead, I will invest myself in other ventures that will have a bigger pay off in time - education, career, traveling, etc - until market forces change such that demand increases to the point of my true value. Then maybe I'll IPO in the dating market.

The Politics of Dating: Why black is never the first choice

I write this post at the risk of sounding like I'm complaining, but that is not my aim. I'll preface all of this by saying I love who I am and where I come from and would have it no other way. Onward we go!

I had an acquaintance in college (she was black) who would say, "You know Bang, if we had the same looks on a 10 point scale as we did now, but we were white or Asian, we'd have sooo many more dating options!" I sort of saw her point at the time, but didn't pay it much mind. I was still getting my fair share of attention from the opposite sex and having fun in college so, to me, her point didn't matter much. But after a few years of post-graduate dating and reflecting on my experiences, she was dead-on.

Why though?

It dawned on me that a lot of what was said about dating within the African-American community was right. I often heard the argument that black men chased after white women because they wanted these women as a status symbol. After years of being oppressed, to a black man, having a white woman was a sign that he meant something in society. I guess I dismissed this argument because it just made me sad - I, as a black woman, wasn't good enough for men of my own race? Hm.

Instead of believing in this race/class/political view of love, I believed that at least beauty could conquer anything; that is, no matter what race you are, if you're beautiful, anyone will want to date you. But I'm starting to realize something. For as much as my friends think I'm easy on the eyes, for all the compliments I get from men and women, what do I have to show for it? Not much. My non-black friends who are as attractive or less attractive than I have lots to show - gifts, vacations, cards, flowers. You name it, they've gotten it from their admirers.

Before seeing this as a race/class/political issue, I just wanted to believe that I just didn't have the qualities that my friends possessed that engendered so much admiration from the opposite sex. But I'm starting to think that, yes beauty will get you somewhere in the dating game, but it is not the whole story.

Quite frankly, I don't think I'm anyone's first pick when it comes to dating. Yeah they might find me attractive, funny, fun to hang out with. But somehow, someway, they pick someone else to date. The funny thing is that the other person has never been black - if that were the case then I'd feel we were on equal ground except she was prettier, funnier, etc. I used to think part of it was intimidation. But come to think about it, how many guys do I know that spent all of their time in college dating various women, and when it came time to graduate - Oh by the way Bang, you're hot! Bye! Maybe it wasn't intimidation after all. Maybe its because racially/socially/politically black ain't at the top of too many people's list.

I think part of the selection is conscious and part of it is not. White people in this country, for the most part, have most of the power and minorities have the least. People want to associate themselves with powerful people. This notion can subconsciously slip into the dating game. Hence, if a man is presented with pictures of 2 beautiful women, one being black and the other being white, I'm inclined to believe that a majority of men in the U.S. would go with the white woman.

I have to say that people of mixed race are often in a class of their own. Their beauty and exoticism, plus claim to a majority race makes them pretty perfect.

The thing about my claims are that they're just that, claims. They come from my experience and quite often, people who don't experience the same things don't see the world the same way.

Am I bitter? No. Not yet. Maybe if I'm 30 and have spent a decade being passed over by men I would love to date but who don't put me as their first choice the bitterness will set in.

We'll see.