Cover blown

So I haven't made it any big secret to friends that I dislike most of my classmates. Well dislike is kind of harsh and implying that I even know anything about them, so how about we say I'm apathetic towards their presence. I'm tired of hearing the really inane conversations about things that will never matter in life and all the random chatter that just proves that most people, well at least my classmates, just like to hear their voices.

While my close personal friends know all of this, I don't make it my business to actively convey my distaste for my classmates. I figure, I'm going to need help someday so best not to burn any bridges. But of course, my mouth would get the best of me.

Today we had "elections" for class representatives. I wasn't particularly excited b/c like I said, I don't even like these people. Well today I was sitting near someone I did like. As two of my classmates rushed towards the stage to "run" for whatever the hell spot was up for grabs, I groaned. Then I realized, if there are two spots and only two people running, what the hell is the "point" of this "election." So I raised my hand to ask, "excuse me, what's the point of all of this?" But before I got my hand high enough to be noticed, one of the candidates started to speak. With my hand raised I said (apparently out loud) "You know he's almost attractive until he opens his mouth." All of a sudden the whole corner of the room I was sitting around turned around and stared at me... WHOOPS! My friend laughed his ass off as he later relayed "You know I was thinking that same thing, but I can't believe you actually said it out loud." Hm, thanks. Either way I still asked my "whats the point" question and at first the second year mediating the "election" tried to make it sound like the process was important but then finally gave up and said, "ok, lets welcome your new class representatives."

Mmm yeah. So at least a quarter of my class know I'm a bitch.. or at least a little bitchy.

I hope this means I'm not banned from study groups :-/ I think I was properly punished when I splashed small specks of formaldahyde - not a good thing - onto my face and some splashed on to my wrist as I was trying to cut through a cadaver. I still feel some twiching of nerves that never twitched before and I'm sufficiently freaked out. Serves me right I guess.. Hopefully tomorrow I wake up with all my body and functions in tact and hoping that everyone conveniently forgot my comment yesterday.. I mean today..

Sigh.

First of: Fixing the problem

Ok so since my last post I have calmed down a considerable amount.. mostly b/c I can't stay mad at people I actually care about for too long. Its my Achillees heal :-) Actually I was over it the day after the post. And for the first time, instead of plotting away at how I was going to excecute "The Break-up Speech" I had an overwhelming urge to fix the problem and actually talk about what was bothering me. That was a strange first. When I thought about it some more I realized that this "strange" urge was a product of me thinking differently about the relationship. Instead of thinking "this isn't going to last long anyway," which would have kept me from confronting the problem since there is no point putting energy into a short-lived relationship, I thought "hm, this may last a while, I should fix this."

And luckily enough, I didn't have to do much talking to get things fixed b/c he knew what he had done wrong and apologized before I could fully say what I was planning to say.

Hopefully all problems can be resolved in this manner..hopefully.

In other news, I had a really weird dream about the bf and how he was talking to me about something that I can't recall, but as he was talking his body started aging. And in my mind I was thinking, oh no! He's getting old! Break up w/ him now! LOL! Goes to show.. my break up gene is still turned on but manifests itself in other ways..

Trigger Happy

I'm so amazingly pissed right now I figure I should channel the energy somehow. Let me add that I don't even have TIME to be pissed. Why? Because its only been a week and a half of med school and I'm already behind on my work, which piles up by the nanosecond.

Why am I so pissed? Because for the 3rd time the bf has flaked on something he said. The first? Last weekend when he talked me out of coming up to the city b/c he was "too drunk" and was going to pass out.. yet called me at 2 am from a cab going home. The second? The next day, while sober, he said he'd come down on Tuesday b/c he had to take a test for the national guard. Then he calls on Tuesday to say his dad convinced him not to enlist so he wasn't coming down, but he'd come down Friday. Oh the third? Ah this is what's got me pissed. He calls around 5 pm and says he wants to come down but has to figure out which weekend day works best. He calls back later and all of a sudden he has to do all of this work and turn in something on Monday so Monday or Tuesday would be better.

How do I respond at this point. "FUCK YOU! I got better things to do than being flaked on." Actually I didn't say that, although I really should have. Instead I laughed out of anger and told him that he should figure his life out and call me when he actually knows what he's doing.

Now lets note something, I'm not a really needy person. So if you've pissed me off, you've gone too far. Secondly, I wouldnt be HALF as mad if he never even said he was coming. If he just said, yeah I've got lots of work to do, but I'll figure it out and let you know.. maybe I'd be annoyed, but I wouldnt be angry. When you give me a day and then keep flaking? Oh you've got me pissed; so pissed I consider breaking up w/ you.

In my anger though, I'm trying to figure out if this is an offense worthy of a break-up. I realize that once *anything* goes wrong I'm inclined to call it quits. Maybe I'm a little too trigger happy. But seeing that the bf now lives 3 hours away and I started med school, such offenses get blown up. I don't have the room in my schedule to keep shifting around and there isn't much time to see each other in the first place.

I'm still annoyed, and as a friend has said, I should never make decisions when I'm upset. But I've made this one decision - this relationship has officially been SHELVED. I've honestly got better things to do than be pissed or annoyed and if thats going to be a product of all of this, well then, the best thing to do is move on with my life. I'm not putting effort in to make anything work. I just don't have the time...So if shit starts falling apart its going to snowball out of control pretty quickly.

Seeing my past record though, don't be surprised if there is yet another break-up thread.

Behind The Music: Nick Lachey

I don't normally watch behind the music specials, but I was glued to this one. Firstly, Jessica Simpson is an idiot. But before I get to that, I think what got me hooked was that I caught the story about Nick Lachey's life before stardom. He was broke as a joke! AND from the midwest. Mix those two together and I already have more respect for him than before.

While I wasn't the biggest fan of boy bands when 98 degrees and Backstreet boys were at their peak, again VH1 was somehow able to make 98 degrees seem like the more respectable band, the band that actually had talent. But that's all in the past, and even though I didn't like the sappiness of Nick's new album, I must say, he seems like a genuinely stand-up guy, and that's saying a lot in the Hollywood game.

I almost cried during his special. Cried! When in life has a man ever made me want to cry? Well I mean a man that I had no connection with.

The sad thing? Even though Jessica is an idiot for dropping a guy who would have stood by her side forever and would have been a good father, his love for her will be slow to die. So I'm predicting they get back together sometime in the future, especially after Jessica gets her act together after getting used and tossed aside by sleazy guy after sleazy guy.

And that Vanessa character (the current gf) better savor every moment they have together, b/c the rebound girl is not the girl you want to be after a relationship like Nick & Jess'.

*Tear* G'luck Nick!

:-)

My First I Love You

It was more than a year ago that I wrote about my first "date" post-college. Hm.. maybe 2 years ago. While my first date was more normal than unusual, the first time a guy said the words "I love you" to me was a little weird.

The bf's last day at work and last day at his apartment was Friday. He calls drunk as a skunk at 8pm leaving a message asking why Long Island Iced Teas are named after Long Island since its such a "weak" place.. mind you he's never been to Long Island. I call him back to tease him about not inviting me out to his Alcoholics Anonymous Extravaganza - I say teasing b/c I already know the answer - "You're with your mom! I didn't think you'd come." Fair point. I let him ramble on b/c somehow I sense what's coming:

"I'm really really drunk. Bang, I love you..."

Tada! Now was that hard? But uh oh, he had to go and mess it up:

"...but I don't know what's going to happen when I move... but I just wanted to say that I really loved the time I spent with you."

Um is this just me or did it just sound like he gave me the "thanks for the good times, peace out" line? I went to a guy friend to check, and of course he had a different take on it.

"Well he was obviously uninhibited and was just expressing his doubts about how things are going to turn out. He's probably more afraid of you breaking up with him."

Hm, ok, I didn't hear that at all. But I recently found out that not only is there a 3% difference between chimp male DNA and human human male DNA, but also, there is a 3% difference between human male and female DNA.

Go figure! No wonder they don't make sense..

Either way, I'll be sure to have fun starting up the conversation - "Hey remember the other night when you were really drunk and said x,y, and z? Did you mean it?"

Gotta love it.


In other news, moms are AWESOME. Its been a long time since I felt so supported even in my daily activities - fed well, given good advice, and having belly aching laughs. Not to mention, it's also been a while since Max and my apartment have been so clean!