The Allegory of the Immature American Male

If I were even smarter, I might have tried to create a more eloquent allegory.. I won't push my luck :) Anyway, remember my really bad "steak analogy" from my previous post How to get married in 3 years or less... Well I knew I was using a shitty analogy at the time, but I finally came up with something better! Its so good, I almost jumped out of the shower to make sure I got the thought down right.

Anyway so the steak analogy was trying to explain why when a guy lets a great girl go, its not something she did, its completely the guy that has the issues. So a better analogy would be this one:

Here is a story about Jamie. A typical American male.

Jamie's parents are millionaires. He's just graduated from college and hasn't really thought about getting a job. He moves back home and mooches off his parents who seem extremely willing to give him a stipend. So a few months pass and Jamie gets a little restless. Either Jamie's other lazy ass friends are getting jobs and leaving him all by his lonesome, or his parents are complaining that he needs to stop being a lazy ass, or he just wants to prove to himself that he's not a lazy ass and that he can be an independent person. Either way, he's now on the look out for a job. His family members set him up with some interviews, he finds some jobs on his own, and then finally! He finds the perfect job! At first he's really excited. Now he can prove to the world that he's a worthy member of society. He starts preparing for the interview.. or he doesnt.. depending on how delusional he is about his skills. Then interview day comes and he is sitting before you, the interviewer. The interview starts out cordially. Jamie is so excited he almost knocks you out of the chair. As the interview goes on, Jamie starts thinking in his head, "wow this sure sounds like a great job. I'd really like to take it. I can't believe I landed this interview. I am so awesome!" Then all of a sudden further into the interview he starts to panic as he starts thinking of what having this job would entail. He thinks, "Man, I'd really like to make some major money and get some bling! If they offer me this job I'm soo going to take it.... but.. well.. hm, my parents are rich, so if I dont get the job I can live off of them almost indefinetly.. I'd have to wake up every day to come to this job.. I don't think I want to wear a suit everyday.. I couldn't party hard every night, b/c I'd have to get my lazy ass up in the morning. What if I get the job and I really can't handle it.. maybe I'm not smart enough.. what if I fail? OH NO! I don't want this job!" Uh oh..

Now to anyone who had access to Jamie's thought process, you'd realize that you are dealing with a completely ambivalent person - he wants to make money but when it comes down to it, he's too much of a lazy ass to put in the real effort to get the job. Jamie becomes ambivalent about the job b/c he finally realizes that he can't be a lazy ass anymore. His employers will expect a lot from him since it is such a prestigious job. Jamie's not ambivalent b/c the job wasn't great in the first place.

(And here is where I am going to digress.. now does the interviewer change the job description b/c one lame ass is having a shitty interview? NO! As a matter of fact, the job sounds and is so good that the interviewer has tons of applicant letters piling up on her desk. The job should not cut its hair, lose 10 lbs, or feel bad b/c of one shitty applicant Anyway.. back to the story..)

And the lame excuses Jamie is making about why the job could potentially be a bad idea are just a way for him to justify not taking the job and returning to his lazy lifestyle.

So the interview is finally over. Jamie wasn't really hungry for the job (i.e. commitment) in the first place. His ambivalence shined through and he didn't do that well at the interview. While he initially seemed confident, he started bumbling, and stuttering, almost purposely ensuring that he wouldn't get the job. So lo and behold, you the interviewer realize this person just isnt going to cut it. You reject him from the job. NEXT Applicant!

Now the lazy ass is thinking.. oh well I didn't want it anyway. Jamie might even start to displace blame for why he didnt get the job - "If it was the right job for me, I would have worked harder to get it. But they wanted me to do all this stuff that has nothing to do with my major. I'll find something thats closer to what I want to do." Again, as an observer to this thought process you have to say WHATEVER! Right my ass! It was a GREAT job, you wanted it at first. Now you're just making excuses b/c in the end you didn't even get the job. You did a shitty job of selling yourself and the interviewer saw that, and rejected your ass.. Or maybe overall you just weren't even good enough for the job. Don't blame it on the job, blame it on your A.) Actual lack of motivation to get the job and/or B.) your immaturity - you're clearly not ready for a great job and/or C.) You're simply not qualified.

So what happens next? Well Jamie might still be bummed that he didn't get the job and his friends are still all working, and his parents are still breathing down his neck. So he tells himself he'll just take the next available job. Unfortunately its working at KMART. Oh well, at least its a job. Suddenly working at Kmart starts bugging the shit out of Jamie. The customers are cheap bastards, the pay is shitty, and everyone thinks he's a loser. Some people start asking him about that great job he had an interview for months earlier. He responds "Oh yeah.. that.. it didnt really work out. I didnt like all the stuff they wanted me to do." Uh-huh.

While Jamie is putting in his time at Kmart he starts to realize that he really needs to find a job that is more prestigous, one that makes him think, one that pays well. So what to do next? Well, Jamie may decide to start looking for a job while he's still working at Kmart, or maybe Kmart bugs him soo much, he'd rather quit and move back with his parents until something better turns up.

So as far as I'm concerned the scenario can work out one of the following ways. The first way is that Jamie looks and looks, and he can't find anything as good as that first job. He starts thinking to himself how stuupid he was to let it slip away. Jamie can either let his pride get the best of him and refuse to go back to the company to see if they're still hiring for the job. Or he may say, "fuck pride! thats the best job I'm ever going to get!" and go back and see if he can get another interview. But then he may find out that the position has been filled or that the company isnt in the habit of giving second interviews.. tough shit. So Jamie just keeps looking for another job, just as good as the one he was rejected from, or one that is better. Now, Jamie may be lucky enough to find something as good or better. This time he realizes the opportunity in front of him and seizes the day! Or maybe Jamie continues to look and look and look and never finds a job as good. Eventually on his quest for the perfect job Jamie receives so much pressure to finally grow up and be independent that he'll take anything that's decent. Eh, the hours are long and it doesnt really allow me to use my best skills, but whatever, at least its a job I can deal with. So he marries the shitty job and has a shitty marriage, and wants to kill himself. But too bad Jamie. He never seized a good opportunity when he had the chance. Que sera.

OK, so maybe its not the best to compare a woman to a job, but I guess we kind of are in a way :) But in any case some girls will be the Kmart job and others will be the best job in the world. If you're reading this blog, and you're a good friend, I can assure you that you are not the Kmart job. AT ALL. Kmart refers to people with no education/personality/psychos/nothing really going for them. You are THE best job. Some people will see this right away and make a valiant attempt to get hired. The problem is you're such a good job that you get a lot of applicants. Your task is to screen each applicant. Weed out the ones that don't really deserve the job, the ones that aren't ready for it, the ones that have bad work ethic, etc, and only hire THE best applicant. The others can go work at Kmart for all you care :)

Dressed like a whore on Easter sunday..

With my bra stuffed in my purse, along with a hat - in case it rained in SF - I got on the 10:00 AM caltrain realizing that people looking at me would either think that A.) I had the audacity to wear such a slutty outfit to church or B.) I was a hooker looking for redemption. Neither of these were the case. I hadn't even realized it was easter sunday until the cab driver mentioned it. Through a long series of events I somehow ended up doing the "train ride of shame" back to PA sunday morning. Another weekend..another crazy night.

A great friend of mine came to cali to visit for spring break and she and I and another friend headed off to SF to pretty much get drunk off our asses and have fun (Note to self: getting drunk off your ass does NOT = fun.. especially when your home is an hour away) Any who, by the end of the night I wasn't wasted, thank god, but something about the Almond Drops we had at a bar earlier in the night was disturbing my stomach.

Anyway we got to the city and took a taxi to the haight. On our way we passed by the strangeness of market and mission having multiple blocks that had lost electricity. Ah whatever, interesting sight but thank god we're not hanging in this area. We get to the haight and the restaraunt we want to dine at has an hour and a half wait. We decide to go get drinks in the meantime. Sitting at a swanky-ish bar we endulged in drinks with weird names, but ultimately decided that the Almond drop was the best. It tasted good and somehow made us extremely tipsy after one drink.. dont know why we proceeded to drink more. Suddenly, while we were trying to get a tab opened, the lights went out. Looking outside, much of the haight was experiencing a black out. Thank god the weird guy sitting next to me was an electrician and saw the blackout as an opportunity to strut his stuff. He started talking about some mumbo jumbo, clearly proud of himself. We ended up getting in contact with another friend who told us the blackout had not hit her area so we left the bar to find a cab. After being accosted by a large group of crazy looking men we hopped into the cab and went looking for fun on Polk.

Fun, we found.

Potential #8/Mr. Cig Breath

I believe we were in Nob Hill, which I think is the Russian district or some such ish. Anyway one of my friends got convinced by another to go up to these guys sitting at a table and ask them to join us. There were originally 4 guys at the table, but two disappeared, so the other two joined the party. Neither of them were especially attractive and the way the seating was set up, they ended up talking to two other members of our 4 person group. Another friend and I just talked about what our "type" of guy was. Eventually the two other guys reappeared. I didnt think they were so cute either. So instead my friend and I proceeded to look out the window and gauk at the hot guys walking down the street. Despite my obvious disinterest at what was going on around me, I was reluctantly pulled into the conversation b/c I'm the token new yorker. After being a complete bitch and giving completely curt answers, the guy sitting next to me, Mr. Cig Breath was completely smitten. Go fuckin figure! Mr. Cig Breath was fairly attractive although he seemed like a push over... i'm not into that. He went to college in Cincinnati or something and interns in something that escapes me in the city. Not only was I put off by the fact that he smoked.. and that I could smell it on his breath, I also didn't like how much in love he was with SF. I mean the city is growing on me but its OK.. and trying to convince me that its "amazingly awesome" isnt going to work. And then citing that you can smoke pot wherever you want to in the city isn't going to win me over either. Anyway, I didnt end up giving the guy my number. Instead after my other friends realized the guys they were talking to were lame, we all ran into a cab as fast as possible...

Potential #9/Mr. Protege

We finally ended up at this place either called Gravity.. or something else, I don't really remember. Its in the yuppy north beach area I think. Anyway my friends wanted to dance badly, as did I, so we headed straight to the back to the dance floor. As I tried to walk, a guy stops in front of me and gives some line about "Oh I just have to talk to you b/c blah blah." I'm used to this so I tell myself "what the fuck mate." Except the guy is taller than me. My eyes finally make their way up to his face when I say "Why hello." He's a cutie! I tell him my friends also want to go to the bathroom and he starts saying things like "Well I mean, I know you dont know if people are crazy, so you dont want to leave your friends." I ask him if he is in fact crazy. He says no but would understand if i somehow thought he might be.. umm ok.. weird.. the whole night i made sure I had my friends in sight.

Although I said before that I would never do the 20 questions routine with a guy I just met, at the suggestion of my mother, I found myself doing it. I am very skeptical about people at clubs/bars. Like my friend says "You think to yourself, hey I'm normal, there should be normal people here. But then you realize, nope. Everyone here is crazy." So I found myself asking Mr. Protege if he went to college, what he does, where he lives, if he lives with his parents..etc.. I didn't purposely do it, I was just compelled to..

In any case, I danced with the guy for a while and being my usual self I kept making fun of him and told him that in dancing he'd get a C-. To my suprise he turned the tables and gave me the sass right back! Who does that? Some people like it but it kind of made me uncomfortable for someone to have a comeback for everything I said :( Interesting nonetheless. Anyway after hanging out with Mr. Protege for a little while I thought I should at least know his name. He first said his name was Tom, then he said Adam. Umm.. ok.. He then pulls out his phone which has his name on it to prove that his name was indeed Adam.. After this, I expected him to ask me what my name was.. but no. I decided then that I'd just have fun with the rest of the night and make sure I didn't get separated from friends.

All of a sudden Mr. Protege picks up his phone starts yelling something and then tells me how he has these "proteges" that he trains. O-M-G WHY?? Am I an Egomaniac magnet? I swear. I asked him how he acquired these proteges and what exactly he was teaching them.. apparently some guys who live down the street from him and he's teaching them how to "live." Whatever that means. I thought he was just talking shit, but sure enough 15 minutes later, 2 guys walk in and he introduces them as "his proteges." They take no offense to this introduction.. wow..

Anyway, Mr. Protege eventually has to leave and then finally asks my name. I asked him why it took him so long to ask. His response.. "what's the point in getting a girl's name if you dont know if you want to talk to her again?" uh.. fair enough. But apparently I "passed" some test I wasnt aware of taking.. He asked me if he passed my test (really dude, we're out of school stop with the fuckin test talk!) I told him overall he got a C- so I guess thats passing... barely. He asked if he could have my number. I thought about it and thought, eh, what the hell.. I gave it to him. And he asked me if I always gave people who got C-'s my number. I told him only the ones who I thought were cute, and thus had a lot of potential. He told me that I was very beautiful and fun to hang out with. We parted ways with a handshake - him off with his "proteges" and I off with wasted friends :)

Ahh the young, single life...

Ambivalence Pt II

Ok so before someone criticizes me on this. I will add some clarification. The difference between an Ambivalent Man and someone who just looses interest is that the Ambivalent Man keeps returning... and therefore fucking up you life. So there is room for a guy or girl to just not be that interested in someone. Usually when this happens though, the person isn't a repeat offender. Got it? Good

:)

Ambivalence

"Hi everyone." Group: Hi Bang. "I'm addicted to ambivalent men." Group: Welcome to the groupBang.

Ambivalence: The existence of mixed feelings toward someone or something. Difficulty in reaching a decision.

Ambivalent man: 1. One who exhibits or feels ambivalence toward women. 2. One who plays games. He wants a relationship; he wants to break up. He's confused, mixed up, inconsistent, and unpredictable. Yet he's irresistible and easy to fall in love with.. and almost sure to cause a broken heart.

- The Commitment Cure Findling, Rhonda


Ok so there are clearly better things I can do with my time than try to psychoanalyze everything in my life. But sorry, I cant. I have an almost compulsive urge to figure everything and everyone out.. thats if I have a reason to. Who often becomes fodder for my psychoanalysis? Family of course, really annoying friends, and of course ex-boyfriends. After looking at all the objections to my advice from the last post I started thinking to myself that maybe the type of people I choose to date are a little (ok a lot) different than the people other people choose to date. B/c (yes Rob) relationships shouldn't be about games. And wouldnt it be nice to fall in love with a person who truly appreciated you for who you are.

But this somehow is clearly not my experience with guys. Its one thing to date someone who off the bat says they dont want a commitment. Its another thing to date someone who is enthralled with who you are and then out of the blue pulls some shit like "Oh yeah, she's a great girl, but.." What's the but? Hm, well once it was that "I deserved better." Fine, I probably did. Actually I really did. Another but? "I just feel ambivalent about 'these things.' " "These things" = a serious relationship. Oh and lets not forget my future husband (i.e. potential #1) who shamelessly flirts, calls me a few days later, and as soon as I make a first move, I get the "hm, ha" routine. Whats WRONG with ME? Why doesn't anyone LOVE ME?

Ok these are clearly rhetorical questions. B/c quite frankly I don't think there is anything wrong with me (shut it up! i hear some of you snickering). And now with new information about the "Ambivalent Man," next time a guy gives me some bullshit "hm, ha" excuse I can immediatley interject "you know, not to psychoanalyze the situation or anything, but your inability to commit is clearly linked to your relationship with your mother or maybe you're just not over your ex. But thats ok. Have a nice life, and here is the number to a great therapist."

Haha! How freeing that is! I'm clearly not going to get into why I often choose such men. Its not about me its about them. According to Rhonda Findling (ok Brian.. maybe she's a fake.. but I trust her advice anyway) there are six types of ambivalent men:

- The Runner: The runner is an Ambivalent Man who is capable of attachment. He's even able to get into a relationship. The only problem is he can't sustain an ongoing relationship. He always leaves. He's an abandanor. When the going gets good.. he's outta there.
What's this guys problem? His mom was crazy. She loved him but from time to time abandoned him emotionally. And when he meets women he's attracted to, he'll put them on a pedestal like a goddess, as he did his mother. As soon as the woman show's signs that she might not be there for him 100% (b/c clearly she has shit to do) she is dethroned. And then thats it, he runs away.

: Check! I've dated one of those

- The Casual Dater: He is a man who is actually looking for a relationship. He really longs for marriage and feels bad that he can't seem to achieve this goal. He is reliable and usually makes a good first impression. He appears to be capable of a relationship becauase he really is interested in going out to places rather than just having a fling. Ironically, many woman keep dating the Casual Dater even when they're not that crazy about him, b/c he gives the impression that he's serious about a relationship and possibly marriage (OMG! Its like she's been stalking me!)

Whats the deal with this guy? The main problem with the Causal Dater is that he feels entitled to "perfect" women. He either had a mother who was emotionally or physically unavailable, he's not in touch with his anxiety about closeness so blames the woman's flaws for the demise of the potential relationship, or he is unable to look at his own limitations or imperfections.

Usually this kind of guy will eventually find something wrong with the woman he is with, regardless of how close she is to his ideal and then give the "distancing lecture." i.e. "you're a great lady but I just can't seem to fall in love with you"; "I want to get married but I don't want to marry you"... etc.

: BINGO! Dated one of those too.

The Man Who Plays Parlor Games: This guy is all talk but no action. He seems like he's interested in you but can't make it to a first date. Flirtatious bantering never escalates into true romance. He hints and teases but doesn't close the deal. God forbid you make a first move! He'll reject you and make you seem like you were crazy the whole time.. was he really flirting with me? Maybe it was all in my head.

What's wrong with this guy? He's either terrified of closeness, struggling with sexual identity issues, is contemptuous towards women, or he's involved with another woman.

: I'm going to leave this one at that. But yes.. I've run across this type too.

Then there is The Fling Man- NOT going to get into it, but yes, I've seen these types.

There is also the Eternal Bachelor, and the Ambivalent Cyber man. I haven't run into these people... but who knows.

In any case, before you go into criticism about how there might be other things causing a guy to act in certain ways - "He doesnt have to be fucked up in the head."

Well I'd say to you, for one, there is an epidemic of ambivalent men. According to Findling, a psychotherapist, an emotionally healthy man is either in a relationship or out. His feelings about you don't flip flop on a whim. In today's day and age (haha, i love that phrase) men are becoming more and more ambivalent about commitment. For what reasons? I'm not really sure.. but I've heard it enought times to believe that it is the case. If you don't believe me check out: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/131_dating_advice.html

Also, you might think to yourself, well I didn't have a picture perfect childhood and I'm quite ok. Well good for you. You made it out ok, some dont.

Moreover, and this is going to contradict everything I've said but, I don't think there is anything especially wrong with ambivalence. Not everyone wants to sign on the dotted line right away. Not even I do. I probably wouldn't even date a guy who I thought was marriage potential at this point in my life. Of the guys I dated I think only one of them will never get over his ambivalence and will become an eternal bachelor, every other guy eventually will marry. But again, displacing blame is very therapeutic. You should try it :)

How to get married in 3 years or less.. or at least stop countless heartbreaks

Hey, so you know that episode of Sex in the City where Carrie goes to give advice to women in NYC on dating and then one woman speaks up and asks Carrie if she has a boyfriend, and Carrie says no and then all but 3 people in the audience get up and leave b/c they feel she doesn't have any qualifications? Well this might be another one of those moments. I will start this post off by saying that A.) I am not married B.) I am not engaged C.) I dont even have a boyfriend. BUT! I am a fast learner in this game called life, and sometimes I only need to be wrong once to find out how to be right the next time (ok usually more than once.. maybe 3 times)... its a skill my boss describes as artificial intelligence.. just correct me a few times and I'll have the hang of it.

So for those of you left, I was inspired to write this post after the news of the last post made a few of my friends feel old and/or pathetic for not being engaged/married by 22! LOL! What old hags we are! But seriously, anyone who has got their love life figured out by their early 20's is an overachierver.. but we still love you :)

Anyway, this post isnt for people who like to jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, for those who feel marriage is something you only start to think about in your 30's or for those who like to experience counless heartbreak.. we call these people masochists. All I'm saying is that when you know what you want out of life (or at least know roughly) take advantage of being young in order to set up a lifestyle that will allow you to get what you want when you're finally ready. Much of this advice takes advantage of the fact that we're all young and can do whatever the hell we want until "the man" tells us to hurry up and grow up.

On to advice... So for a lot of young men, a new relationship is akin to buying a new video game (cliche but very true). At first he'll be all excited to unwrap it. Get all excited about playing it. And after a while (this can be a month..a few months) he FINALLY yes FINALLY beats the game! i.e. the girl lets down her guard and lets him in. SORRY! Game over.. time to move on to another game or at least the latest one out.. While the girl is left wondering what in the HELL just happened. He won, that's what happened. On to the next conquest. This news is a little disheartening but it helps shed some light about men.

First off: When a guy breaks up with you. Its not about you. Ok it depends on the reason you guys broke up. If he says its because you're a psycho bitch, then its b/c you're a psycho bitch and there is nothing to be done about that, except get counseling. BUT if its some wishy washy issue about not wanting to settle down, or not thinking you're THE ONE, etc.. then yeah its not about you. It's about him being a tool. That simple. Ok maybe not a tool, but whether a guy will commit or not has to do with what kind of guy he is AND when in his life you meet him. You ever seen one of your friends break up with a guy who couldn't commit and then all of a sudden he's seriously dating a girl that doesnt even hold a candle to your friend? Yeah.. see it wasnt about her it was about him. And then there are some men who don't believe in the merits of commitment (i.e. players). Notice those guys right away and then write them off. No need to waste time in your life you will never get back.. again, unless you're into that type of thing.

And this is the reason it's not you - hm.. well this is a bad example. But imagine being really full at a buffet. And then all of a sudden they bring out the steak. Everyone tells you that the steak is sooo good, the best steak they've ever had. But all you can do is look at the steak and think, crap I'm full. If I try to eat anymore I'm going to puke. And sometimes, you wont even notice the steak b/c you're full and ready to go. Was there anything wrong with the steak? Hell no, everyone else seemed to appreciate it. But you couldnt eat it b/c you werent in the right state - you were full. If you had been been a little bit hungry at least, you would have devoured the steak.

This is SUCH a bad example, but in the same vain, commitment makes some guys want to puke. Its all about state of mind. If a guy is in the whole "YAY! I LOVE BEING SINGLE! Time to live my life" mode.. uh-uh, doesn't matter who you are, the grass will be greener somewhere else. I think this rule is age specific with exceptions. My friends who are getting married now are with guys who in their early 20s knew not to give up a good thing. For the rest of guys.. they might not even know they're giving up a good thing, and a lot might not even care. They figure they'll find another good thing later on, when they're ready. So again, its not about you.

So you meet a guy who is the commitment type.. he's had a girlfriend before and one day wants to get married. Sweet!

Second Rule of Thumb: This does NOT mean he'll commit to you. You've run into the right kind of guy, but he can still be into the whole relationships as video games lifestyle. How do you figure out if this is his MO? Simple.. be friends first.

If you're like me, while relationships can be fun, I would like to spare the tears of dealing with break up after break up and only get involved when I know it can be something good... really good. I don't want to be the next guy's video game. But how do you know if they're even still playing video games? It's not easy, but you can figure it out before you get yourself in too deep.

Ok. ok. I know what the issue is here. "But Bang guys want sex! He wont even waste his time on me if I just want to be friends!" To that I'll say - You're right, you'll run into men whose primary interest in relationships is the regular sex. Trust me, better to let these ones go early than end up being a trophy on his shelf.

Moving on.. how do you establish this friendship? Hm this is a little trickier, b/c you want to work with the power of having something he wants (sex) but not giving it to him in a way that lets him know that he may one day win the prize. But at the same time you dont want to lead him on to thinking he's going to get the prize anytime soon. So my advice, especially if you've just met the person and you dont know each other well - go on a few dates with the guy and then at least by the fifth date, but sometime after the second date, casually bring up your MO - being friends. Now a lot of men have learned if a girl says she wants to be friends that she is not really interested, so you're going to need a really good excuse for just wanting to be friends and taking things slowly - snail pace folks. Some good excuses: "My [insert some believable significant presence in your life, i.e. a pet, friend, some made up cousin] died and I'm really emotionally torn up about it. I just need a friend right now." or "I think you're a really great guy and I dont want to ruin that, so how about we just take things slow."

Again, some guys will peace out after this. And again, the better. I look at it this way.. finding a really good relationship isnt about how many guys you keep around but more about finding that one that is truly worth your attention.

So now you've decided to be friends - friends who date. Now its time for you to find things you can do together that are platonic - i.e. sports games, bar hopping with friends (don't get wasted and ruin the whole plan!), hiking (if you're into that nature crap), etc.. You might have to be the one that maintains the friendship for a little while since with no immediate prospects of getting ass a guy might get lazy.

But here is the great thing about being friends. You'll find out if you actually like him as a person and he'll find out the same about you. And that's truly the right step in the right direction. What's the point in dating someone only to find out that they're a strong Bush supporter and want to raise their kids republican if you're a California democrat? Yikes..

What comes next.. after he's found out how awesome of a person you are he'll definetly want to stick around.. even if it is as just friends. The key to being friends is not having sex... period. Later on in the relationship (this varies on how often you might see each other) you might do more things than hold hands... but sex? A BIG no no. Video gamers love this point and once they've gotten it, its only a matter of time before they've beat the game enough times to get bored. At this point you really still dont know if he's a gamer or not, you just know you really like/dislike him.

Now if you've been friends for long enough but still don't know if he is a good choice ( I hate saying the one.. there are plenty of ones) then you'll have to brace yourself for the inevitable.. he might start dating someone else. Oye Veh! Thats going to sting. But its OK (Well only if you guys havent been fooling around below the belt) He's got to get his sexual frustration out somewhere. So really, the other girl doesnt mean as much to him. Plus, you guys are friends right? This is not the time to blow your top and demand he stop seeing the other person, or people. The reason? He'll think you're CRAZY! Why the hell did you keep it at a friendship if you really wanted him all along? So please dont do it. His relationship with the girl will pass (it might take a while but its worth the wait). And this is the PERFECT time to step up and claim your prize, especially if he's heartbroken.

Sigh ok. So I know what you're thinking. This advice is absolutely ridiculous. What if he gets involved with another girl and they get married? Well I'd say break up the marriage. That ho bag hasnt put in half as much effort as you have!

But on a serious note, I'd say you waited to long and the frienship got into that weird zone where he actually doesn't want to lose the friendship by getting into a romantic relationship. Yikes..

Well thats why I think this whole friend thing shouldn't last extremely long in the first place. I seriously feel you can feel a guy out within 6 mos to a year - again depending on how often you see the guy.

The whole point of being friends is to be friends past the "honeymoon" phase which is usually in the first months of a relationship. This is when videogamers thrive. Everything is new and exciting and worthwhile. But once all that wears off, the girl is usually the one who gets dumped. The other point of being friends is to not feel like you're playing hard to get.

There are problems with playing hard to get vs. being hard to get. Playing hard to get may be fun, but if you dont like the person for who they are after you stop playing hard to get, the relationship is going to fizzle anyway. Being hard to get (like moi) is different and also has problems. Avid video gamers LOVE someone who is hard to get. They're up for being treated like shit as long as in the end they win the game. (Life lesson learned..trust me on this one).

So the key in the end I guess is to build a good friendship with the right kind of guy before you get romantically involved. Seeing as most relationships fizzle in the first 6 mos, maybe you should wait out those 6 mos to feel each other out.

Now I'm no prude. I'm not suggesting waiting around for this kind of guy. There is nothing wrong with doing a little dating around until he finally comes along. But when he does, time to play it smart.

P.S. All complaints can be sent to any of my many email addresses - as I'm sure I've rubbed someone the wrong way ;)


P.P.S. I realized that my two friends from college who are now married/engaged met their husband/fiancee in Toyon. Ehem.. may I remind everyone that the only reason we got into Toyon was because of me? Man, maybe I should become jewish. B/c if someone else gets married off my advice, shit, I'm into heaven for good! Sweeeet!

OH MY GOD!

My freshman year roommate is ENGAAAAAAAAAAAGED... To think that sweet little, naive, but big hearted girl, became a beautiful, confident woman, with a huge rock on her hand.. who would have known back then.

CONGRATULATIONS DOT!

I LOVE YOU!

AND Robert is a truly awesome guy who deserves a truly more awesome woman.

P.S. Dont try to make me look bad in any gaudy brides maids dresses. I'm just going to get it altered ;)

You should always wear matching underwear

I read in a book once, "You should always wear matching underwear b/c you never know when you'll be invited to go hot tubbing." Its sooo true! And of course, when the moment came, I was not wearing matching underwear, BUT had the opportunity to quickly run back to my apt and change.. lesson learned...

I've also learned another life lesson. I talk a lot of shit about what I think I want in life and later find.. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I mean I'm not the only one, I'd say 99% of people in their 20s suffer from the same problem. We can't help it. We have these over developed brains, exposed to lots of different people and ideas, and swear we know which ones are right, wrong, and whats the best for ourselves. But really, the best way to know whether or not you want something/believe in it, is to test yourself and your circumstances.

Case in point, just the other night I told a friend that I wanted to be proposed to 3 times in my life. The first is going to be a fluke. I'll get engaged but will realize that I have a whole lifetime ahead of me and don't really want to be tied to one option for the rest of my life. So mostly, the first time is just to make sure that I can actually get a proposal. The second time is the real deal. I will marry the love of my life and we will live happily ever after.. or so I'll think. But like most of America we'll get divorced in our late 40s. It will be as amicable as possible and our two kids will be in college or almost in college so the emotional rollercoaster will be minimized by their distance and occupation with their studies. The third time.. ahh.. the third time, will be to a guy I know now who is such a commitment-phobe he may never get married, but by the time he's in his late 40s he will be worth a ton of money - He's potential #5. He will have traveled everywhere, done everything, and finally be ready to settle down. And since I've always felt we've clicked on a deeper level than I've clicked with anyone before, we'll run into each other again and it'll seem like we never skipped a beat. He'll buy me the most expensive things and we'll go on extravagent trips and reminisce about our college experience, our lives since then, and how nice it is to have the kids out of the house. :) Now my goal to be proposed to the first time would entail me dating guys in an older age range looking to settle down. My plan was going to be perfect. But lo and behold, the opportunity has come and OF COURSE i'm like wait, I dont want to do this shit, I'm too young to be dating men older than 28.. but alas...

Potential #6/Mr. I'd have to stop wearing heels!

I'm not particularly obsessed with wearing heels. As a matter of fact, i'd rather wear comfortable shoes everyday.. but apparently thats not always sexy.. or even appropriate (i.e. business meetings). BUT I do like the option of wearing heels and Mr. IHSWH is plain too short. I was at a house party last night and I saw him and potential #7 walk into the door. I sorta thought potential #7 was cute but then changed my mind and went about my business. Out of the blue Mr. IHSWH comes up to me, looks down, and says, "Nice shoes." This wasn't followed by the classic line "wanna fuck?" so i continued to talk to him. I love how when a guy talks to me I never think he's doing it b/c he's interested. I always think they're "being nice" or they're "bored." Note to self: Stop being so clueless! Anyway.. So yeah, turns out potential #6 is in some biophysics grad program at stanford, jewish, went to undergrad at another institution, and in general seems like a really nice guy. The two glaring problems? A.) Too short.. I think we're the same height, or maybe he's an inch taller. B.) He's 31!!! Ack! No! Well I wasn't thinking any of these things at the time b/c like I said I thought he was just being nice..

Potential #7/Mr. ???

So I dont know if Mr. ??? really counts since i sensed some weird sexual tension between him and another friend who works with him at stanford but... he and mr. IHSWH are friends. After talking to Mr. IHSWH for a little bit, mr. ??? walks up and we pretty much have a 3 way conversation for the rest of the night (how sexy..not really) I mean I guess he could have been standing around just to talk.. or maybe they're both masochists, b/c our conversation mostly consisted of them revealing something about themselves and me completely bashing them. For example: "I'm jewish" Me: Make face Guy: "Whats the face for?" Me: "Nothing."/ Guy: "I love phyics." Me: "Ick! You're such a nerd!" Guy: "No i'm not." Me:"Oh yes you are hun." But they were both jewish so I think my attitude was entertaining since according to them "Jewish girls have such attitude. And then they become nice. They're doing it all wrong! See they should be like asian women who are really nice at first. And then you marry them and they become so bitchy! But see, at least they've trapped you.." Really now... (Note to self: There is apparently a sign on my forhead that reads "I LOVE JEWS." Find a way to scrub this sign off, along with the sign that screams "I WANT SEX...with YOU" Its just bad advertising) Anyway... So yeah one or the other of them invited me to go hot tubbing at stanford west. I thought sure what the hell.. this isnt going to get sketchy. So I, along with another friend, and the two guys went off to go hot tubbing.. And b/c they're both in some physicsy/bio-y thing (i really dont remember now) it didnt get sketch. I thought I was home free until it was time to go home and Mr. IHSWH offered to drive me back. We talked about random stuff and when he pulled up to my apartment complex I remembered that I had left my car double parked! I yelled out and thanked him for the ride and quickly jumped out of the car hoping to avoid the whole awkwardness in case he actually wanted to ask me out. NOPE! I wasn't going to be let off the hook that easily. As soon as I jumped out of the car Mr. IHSWH hops out of the door, slams it, and stops me and asks if its alright if he can call me. (NOOOOOO! This is the worst combination a really nice guy BUT too short and much older than I want) Muh. "Sure!" I say. He then runs down a schedule about how he'll be out of town blah blah (I start tuning him out) "But yeah, so I'll give you a call" is the last thing I hear him say. I turn around and yell "Shit!" But this time its not in my head, I actually said it aloud. OOPS! I then start yelling about my car as to make it seem that I'm disturbed that I left my car double parked for a few hours.. um.. yeah.. such is life.. I'm just a shiksa in a jew world...

St. Patty's Day Re-Cap.. P.S. Dee and I are dating

LOL! I laugh because I know some of you read the title and thought Elsie?&...Dee? Nooooo. Well you're right. We're not dating. But some people thought that we were last night, which was fun times. Anyway..

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. It's not a holiday I hold in much esteem. I mean I marched in the NYC St. Patty's Day parade when I was in high school.. I think it rained and it was extremely cold, and on every street corner were drunks and puke on the ground.. fun!

Well this year was the first year I was actually old enough to revel in celebration at a pub. So I dragged Dee to a pub in MV. We still dont know the name of the place. We wanted to go to Molly McGees, but the line was ridic! so we went to this "nameless" place instead. And to say the least it was.. interesting. For the most part, Dee got wasted after two drinks and for the first time in life I got to see him dance!!! Woohoo, Dee was shakin that thang! :-D

Besides that apparently he got awkward looks from guys who tried to dance with me but then thought we were dating. Once when he left to the bathroom this tall ass indian guy asked me to dance. I tried to resist but somehow got pulled in. OMG i thought he was going to punch me in the face! His hands were flying everywhere not to mention so was his saliva YICK!

Then there was the asian guy who was a really good dancer but him and his crew were sketch and tried to take pictures of me dancing in a sandwich (I fuckin hate people who dance in sandwiches! its the lamest thing EVER! If you still do this STOP! Its only cool when you're in junior high and you dont know how stupid you look) The only reason I didnt jump out of this sandwich nonsense quicker was b/c I didnt want to seem like a bitch. But screw that, the bitch is back.. but I digress..

So yeah, it was fun times, but I was tre disappointed that I didnt actually get to meet any REAL irish people. There were a bunch of asians, indians, white people, hispanics, a speck of black peeps but no one from the green fields of ireland.. bummer. Maybe next time I'll make more of an effort and go to a major city and check out that crowd.

Happy Belated St. Patty's Day! Thanks Dee for letting me drag you out AND dance! Woohoo, you truly made my night. ;-)

A Whoa is Me Kind of Day

yes I know I spelled woe wrong... (i'm deep like that)
Anyway, you know those days when you feel really shitty for whatever reason, and you realize of course that life could be a lot worse. I mean, you're not a starving child in Africa, you're not on the lowest caste system in India, as a matter of fact at least 70%* of the people in the world would envy your position in life - young, full of potential, living in the US. Yet, somehow you allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. Well I'm having one of those days.

Quote:

modee00: someday you're going to meet someone worth a damn

modee00: sadly, this has yet to happen

Although there is that saying that when everything is going really well in parts of your life, its inevitable that one part is going to go to shit. Well now that I know which one has went to shit, this MCAT business should be a piece of cake ;)

*this estimate is low b/c I'm excluding the Buddhists who think your obsession with material goods isnt worth trading a peaceful life...and then there are the gazillionares who can buy happiness, at least momentarily, in the form of one little pill or the other...

Chaos Returns

Funny that in college chaos in my social life was always exciting. What's going to happen next? Well I don't know.. yay! more drama! But now that i'm so much older and nobler (ha! did i even spell that right?) the chaos isnt so exciting anymore. It just kind of makes me tired.

Potential #4/ Mr. Old Flame

Hm. I think this one will be a lesson to me in the future that when you break up with someone, you might think your world is over, but really its not. And one day you'll see them again and wont even remember what you saw in them. It happened to my mother with my dad, and it pretty much happens to everyone who is sane and loves themselves. Two years ago I was totally infatuated with Mr. Old Flame. As a matter of fact, I had a crush on him since I was a freshman! And after we stopped dating I thought to myself, what's wrong with this guy? Why doesnt he realize how great I am? But its stupid to try to convince people of your worth. You should never have to do that.. unless you're on a job interview - then its time to sell yourself like you're a two cent hooker on a street corner in the dead of winter in Alaska tryna find a warm car to settle in. Anyway... So yeah it took time, but I eventually got over it. Our friendship was weird for a while, but with time it went back to normal and things were just fine... until he changed his mind.. fast forward 2 years and things are awkward again. After hanging out with him for a while though, I realized that there was no more passion left. At least from my side. I am, how you say, completely over it. I felt conflicted for a little while. Like wow, how things change so dramatically. But I talked to a friend about it and she gave me some pretty good advice. According to her brother there are fundamental rules of dating. When you break up with a guy and he comes back he A.) has to have a reallly good reason for coming back or B.) wants to have you as a booty call option. So its best to just move on (especially b/c Mr. Old Flame lacks the reallly good reason). As she says, I should tell him "Sorry, the office of Elsie's Relationships is closed. Here is a brochure on what you missed out on. Thanks, and have a great day." Haha! Great. Anyway it also goes to show that guys should really try harder to end things well. Don't string the girl along or be rude. Just be nice about it. B/c when you try to return she'll remember what you did to her in the past. And anyone with enough self respect would NOT let themselves enter the same situation again.

For that ho miguella

Anyway so as I said in a previous post, mig and I are supposed to post about "potentials" we've talked to during the week as our POA. So..

Potential #2/Baldy
A friend from college who now lives in NYC (woohooo she's soo cool) came to visit and we went out to Nola's and Blue Chalk. Nola's wasn't bad. I just always felt like it was a place that wasn't so conducive to being really social. You either get cornered by some guy you don't want to talk to with almost no way out, since the place is so damn crowded its hard to maneuver. Or people kind of stick to their own clicks. Whatevs. This was actually the most fun I had at Nola's.. anyway Potential #2 was at Blue Chalk. As I was at the bar trying to order a stoli soda for my friend, potential #2 asks me whats good at this particular bar. I tell him I dont know but I always get vodka tonics. He smirks and says vodka tonics? Then finally orders a beer. What beer? Coors Light (aka C-). There is a sense of self-deprication when he tells me that he's not very adventurous. I laugh and say clearly not. We talk for a little more, once Sarah's drink is up I leave the bar. Later as Sarah and I stand away from the bar, she's like why didnt you talk to "Mr. Dartmouth" Well A, he's wearing a Dartmouth zip up sweatshirt at a bar which isn't exactly a turn off, its actually a nice reprieve from the striped button down shirts that now just make me want to vomit. Plus, I told her, I think he was just talking to talk. She responds "Guys usually dont talk just to talk." I realize he was kind of cute. So we turn and look back at him and his back is towards us and we realize OMG! He's balding! Its the kind of balding where you can't tell immediatly as there is some hair covering the bald spot. So Mr. Baldy was crossed off the list. But then Sarah wanted to use the bathroom and right before we make the descent Mr. Baldy and one of his friends taps me on the shoulder. I figure what the hell, their from Dartmouth they should at least be interesting conversationalists. Mr. Baldy and I talk for a bit and then he introduces me to his friend who strikes up a strange conversation...

Potential #3/Mr. I Love You

Potential #3 was clearly wasted, but not the wasted falling down. The wasted where you know this person is inebriated but they're somehow able to hold their own. Potential #3 looked at Sarah and told me to tell her that he loved her. I did. Sarah wasn't phased and smiled and nodded. Mr. I Love You figured that she was mean b/c she didn't love him back. I told him, "well thats the way the cookie crumbles." Then he looked at me and said "I Love You." I told him I couldn't believe it, I've been waiting for someone to tell me that for forever! After making some more jokes I started talking shit about Dartmouth (Hi Mig :-) ) Then he said how he was on the Dartmouth baseball team (he did have a nice body suprisingly) and he was a double econ and psych major. I told him that psych hardly counted as a major. He went on to brag about how Dartmouth is ranked above Stanford on the Newsweek "Best Colleges" list. I frankly told him it was b/c Darmouth students have nothing but each other when their at college. The place is so damn small and isolated!... well there are the high schoolers but lets not get into that. What's more, who the hell still looks at those lists after they graduate?? Let it go man, let it go. Then he starts making fun of me that I wasn't an athelete at Stanford, that I didn't double major, and that I didn't go to an ivy league. I was not offended as I told him for one, everyone thought I was an athlete b/c of my build, for two, like I said, psych doesn't count as a major, and for three I had the chance to go to plenty of Ivy's, sorry, Stanford's still better. As we kept poking fun at each other his water supply kept dwindling until he ate the last ice cube in his cup. He aksed if I needed any water and I declined. "Come on everyone needs water." No sir, no thanks. He told me not to leave and went to the bar. I looked across and realized I recognized someone from Stanford. I went to talk to him for a little while and when I came back Mr. I Love You walked up to another girl and said "I Love You." This girl was so impressed her eyes lit up and she threw her hands around him as they started to grind to some song. Wow, I guess the line does work.


Ahh. Good times ;-)

An actual day in the life..

A friend once told me that my blog didn't have a fitting title, since most of the stuff I talk about isn't really about my day. Well I don't have much to talk about today so how about I run through my day.. which I give you fair warning was pretty boring.

Woke up pretty early, mostly b/c max was bugging the shit out of me so I took him out to potty.

Sent some emails to my boss.

Got really pissed about the assholeness of guys after having a casual conversation with a guy friend. I told him it was really true that the hardest part about breaking up is getting back your stuff. And then I thought, wait, why? Its my shit, I deserve it back. He simply said, well guys like things to be over so to avoid backsliding they sometimes just throw your stuff away. WHAT?? MY stuff? That bastard threw away MY stuff? What right do people have? I paid for that shit... Murr.. Lesson learned. Get your shit back before you break up with someone. To which my friend responded "yup. thats usually the first sign. if they're stuff starts disappearing from your place, time to start packing your stuff too." Great...

I was asked to model again today. This time its just for a friend's girlfriend who is trying to build their portfolio. I told my friend even though he thought that I was really really pretty, I'm not that photogenic. I don't even know how to pose, I'd look retarded. Eh, I didn't convince him so maybe I'll get some free pictures out of the deal. Sounds like a fun experience at least.

Put down 1500 bones for my mcat classes. My mother made me pay for them myself so I'd feel the pain and push myself harder since I'd feel the financial loss. Well it was definetly a loss, so I really hope she's right. Come April 23rd when classes start I'll be an mcat whore!

Took max for a walk. He didnt trample any kids today so that was good.

Talked to my boss for five minutes, then booked max's boarding arrangements for when I leave on Wednesday.

Read outside while max played for a little.

Ate KFC for dinner...

Passed out for a little bit..

Talked to a friend about Michael Jackson..

Oh P.S. This is a great site! http://www.amiright.com/misheard/artist/

Eh, I'm sure some other stuff happened but thats all I can remember for now.. I'm sure you care :)

New Mailing List

I feel like my love life is like a revolving door. Out with the old, in with the.. even older. Yesterday I was visited by an ex. I was kind of annoyed because I didn't have the ample time one needs to prep when one hangs out with an ex. It's a balance of looking good enough for them to realize what they're missing but not overboard to the point where they know you tried, b/c that's just lame. I was quite happy when I heard from this ex. I thought finally! we can be friends! How exciting! Everything went well until he offered me money for a lap dance :-/ Though I did contemplate taking the money I quickly realized that even though he thought it was all in good fun, I'd rather not demean myself. And with that I realized that people rarely change at the pace you would like them to. But with enough time and distance I think we can end up being good-ish friends. Or at least friendly aquaintances.

The whole situation also made me think that I should start a mailing list. I'm sure there are some other guys out there that I was romantically involved with at one point who are wondering to themselves, "i wonder what elsie is up to" but don't have my contact info. Should I deprive them from the right of trying to re-enter my life in hopes of maybe getting lucky? I think not! I'll make it that much easier for everyone. I'll start an email list with a monthly newsletter. It will include what I'm up to in my life, who I'm dating, who I'm not dating, and of course I will include a vulnerable-meter. This way a guy can craft his approach based on how vulnerable I am. I think this would be great, don't you?

P.S. Am I shallow? My ex seems to think so.. I guess I could venture into new topics besides my love life like "current events in the middle east," or "stock trading tips," or "chicken soup for the 20-something soul." But as I know nothing of these topics I'll stick to what I'm good at :)

Or maybe you would like daily updates on Max's bowel movements. No? Yeah thats not so deep and philisophical anyway.

Take me to a Gay Bahr! Gay Bahr!

This weekend has been fun times. Thursday I went to The Crib, an 18+ gay club in SF. That was an interesting experience. Well first off I run into Stanford people.. weird.. I already knew they were gay so it wasn't awkward really.. well unless they think that I'm coming out of the closet. Sorry guys, no dice. But there were a few things I came away with. A.) Gay guys are like THE best dancers ever! It looked like the majority of them were practicing moves straight out of their hip-hop dance classes. And it wasnt any of that cheesy darren's dance grooves stuff either. My friend and I finally decided that gay guys are such great dancers b/c they get to wear sensible shoes. Best not try anything too dangerous in heels. Again, its just another way the man keeps women in their place. B.) I'm terrified of lesbians; especially the really butch ones that truly can be mistaken for men, even after they confess to being female. I found myself desperatly trying to avoid eye contact with women. I was hit on by a big butch woman once when I was in Queens, NY. I was with my gay friend and he thought it was hilarious. I was terrified. I'm like is she going to come here and yell at me? Or try to hit me? Now, some psychologists and other intellectuals with their heads up their ass would say that my fear of lesbians is due to the fact that deep down, I am a lesbian or want to try the experience. NEGATIVE. I've kissed a couple girls in my time.. let me tell ya, no sparks, except the ones coming from the pants of the men who were looking on. I think I'm more terrified of lesbians than big burly men b/c the rules that keep you safe in heterosexual interactions dont necessarily apply within the gender. If I turned down a particularly aggressive lesbian she could full well hit me. A man on the other hand I know wouldn't touch me (i hope at least) since its unacceptable for a man to hit a woman. I'm not saying that all lesbians are aggressive and yada yada.. just trying to shed some light on why they can be a little scary sometimes.

I also went to this place off filmore in SF called Blue Triangle. The music was interesting. They would play old hip hop, then new hip hop, then switch back and forth. Not fun! Anyway during the night I realized, who comes to bars to pick up people? I wouldn't trust anyone there. I have no idea what their motives are, what STDs they might carry, if they're psychos. For me, going to bars and clubs is about dancing and having fun and realizing how awesome you are. Seriously though, how many times have you turned around and seen that girl that was trying way too hard and in the process made herself look more frightening than sexy. Not to mention, it also makes you realize how much more you have to offer to someone than your body. Yeah I can dance around and have fun, and flaunt in front of men, but I know that there's a big brain in my head and it allows me to do so much more than care about scoring with a hot guy for the night.

Tonight I am going to enjoy the San Jose crowd (yikes) at the Improv. Latahz..

Up-to-Date News

So of course once it hit me that I might never get max again I started crying. Not crying.. balling. But as I was crying a friend called to tell me that they found Max. (Funny when the same thing happened with mo potential #1 called.. the similarities are a little too eerie.)

So I got Max back. He didn't exactly come back. A woman found him and called the Home Again Microchip company and through a series of calls got to me. She lives right down the street from me and says she found Max sitting in the middle of the street on a road that leads to the park we usually go to. What a bastard. Funny she said she had a dog that looked just like him when she was a kid and thought he had come back to her. Haha. Great.

Ok, so maybe everything doesn't happen for a reason, and I just need to be more responsible. Then again the lady that found him did get to reminisce about her childhood because of Max.. I think thats something :)

Anyway, more hijinx to come :)

Everything Happens for a Reason

In the past two weeks I've lost two men, well boys - Mo and quite recently Maximus, my 8 month old puppy. I being the idiot that I am let him roam around our apartment complex which is enclosed by gates, but of course one of the gates was open and he got out.

I was thinking of the similarities of both losses and its quite eerie how the losses are one in the same.

A.) I didnt cry immediatly after either loss. I mean I did want to give Max away a few weeks ago but couldnt bring myself to do it. I did want to break up with Mo a few months ago but I just said, what the heck.

B.) There is a window of emotional turmoil. Ah even I felt like crap when we broke up. Eh, I don't feel like crap yet about Max, but once the initial shock has worn off I'm sure I'll start to worry.

C.) I assume either of them has a large probability of showing up on my doorstep once again, although many things can keep this from happening (i.e. getting hit by a car, being abducted by a new owner, etc.)

D.) Do I really want either of them back? Ok I do love Max and I wouldn't be horrified if he came back. I'd be glad actually.. but maybe everything happens for a reason. Or at least that mantra keeps me from feeling like shit..

Maybe I'll get a newer, improved dog tomorrow.. well actually since I don't want a new dog, maybe my life will be made easier in his absence.. which I assume will be brief..

Red Flag Names

Have you ever had a conversation with a woman about how certain men should be avoided based solely on their name? For example, I personally think all Mikes and Daves are trouble and should be avoided at all costs. There is not one person I know that has dated a Mike or Dave and had a particularly great experience. As a matter of fact, the experience was pretty bad. I guess one could say that there are so many Mikes and Daves that you are bound to run into some who are not so nice.. eh, I'm willing to bet that if a national poll was conducted (Yes Gallup?) it would be scientifically proven that all Mikes are assholes and all Daves are uh, strange. My theory will be supported one day dammit! Anyway, take my brother for instance. He was told since he was a child that his name means "King." Consequently he now believes the world revolves around him. This could also be due to the fact that he is a Leo and/or he is a youngest child.. and he's a.. um.. male.. who knows really? I'm sure there are more "red flag" names but I can' think of too many at this point. I've heard Montesoris are pretty good in bed though ;)