Men are like rubberbands...who want sex

According to Dr. Gray, men are like rubberbands. Testosterone makes them want to pull away but as long as there is some bond there, they bounce back with enthusiasm... um yeah. I used to "heart" Dr. Gray. I don't know how much I "heart" him now, but hey, I'm not going to hate. Talking to a friend yesterday though we've decided that men are more like sharks. They can sense the one drop of blood in the water.

For a girl anyway haven't you had the experience of being madly in love with a guy.. or infatuated... somehow they blow you off, break up with you, etc, and then seemingly out of the blue, they pop back up in your life... turns out, a lot of the time guys are damn good on timing. They usually wont call right before your wedding day, but more likely right after you've dumped someone, been dumped, or just plain being single - as if they can sense when you're in the need for some lovin'. Unfortunately, Dr. Gray didn't explain the gamut of rubberband men. Ok so maybe once in a while a guy needs some space and then bounces back because he realizes how much he loves you. I'm more inclined to think that this happens to people in their 30s and for us youngins, if a guy bounces back, its usually to get some ass.

Another funny thing is that there is a double standard on this rubberband phenomenon. A girl is usually never in the position to bounce back.. As a friend described, when a guy bounces back to a girl, the girl thinks, "See I knew we could work this out!" in the case of the girl bouncing back to the guy, the guy usually thinks, "I knew that ho always wanted me!" Ok so maybe those aren't his exact words.. but I'm pretty sure he's thinking along those lines.

My solution to this rubberband madness? I think its best to constantly look ahead for a better more improved sense of yourself and life. And when that guy tries to bounce back looking for ass, you can plan how to kick him so hard the rubberband snaps :)

POA

This is going to be a looong blog.. I have so much to catch up on and so much time to do it (currently in a hotel in phoenix "on business" - ack! i love saying that) so this is going to be a long ass blog. But! I will label each section so you can browse at your leisure. Just be sure to list the section you are commenting about in the comments section ;-)

On Business

Like I said i'm in Phoenix. I got flown out here for a national advisory board meeting. I must say the privilege of being amidst some of the brightest managed care industry leaders was amazing in and of itself. But on top of all of this, not only is the trip free to me, but I get to stay at the Royal Palms hotel. This place is BEAUTIFUL. I walked into my room and instantly wished I had a camera. I have a California King Canopy bed, a remote controlled fire place, my own private balcony, not to mention the option of lounging around the heated pool. I resolved to make the best of my trip and soak up all the decadence as it may be a while before I get to experience life like this again. So on friday evening I had dinner with internal members of the company my company is consulting for. We had a waitress bring us appetizers already placed on forks and spoons and introduce each one so elegantly. "Would you like to try the Morrocan spiced lamb, garnished with red onions?" Man I usually hate lamb but I went for it and it was DELISH! I also had the Ahi Tuna which was awesome, despite the fact that I usually am not a fan of fish. Everyone at the table ordered an Irish Coffee before I got there, so I orderd the same. Except no one in the company thought I was of age.. apparently I do look like a teenager.. to people who dont know me at least. Today was the big meeting. I spent most of my time whacking at the keyboard trying to take notes and keep up with everything the group was saying. I was exhausted afterwards so my boss relieved me of any other activity for the night (Awesome!). I took the time to try something out and pretty much payed $40 to be taken to the Biltmore Mall in Phoenix and come back 2 hours later when I realized I really shouldn't be shopping.. I bought some great stuff anyway :) To further indulge, for dinner I ordered lobster! My dinner ended up coming up to 65 bucks! And its all freee! Life is wonderful! :) Alas, this all ends tomorrow when I fly back to Palo Alto in the afternoon where I have to deal with cleaning the carpet that my dog puked all over the night before I left :-/

POA

I stole this from Miguella but, for those of you who do not know, POA stands for Plan of Action. So over the summer, Mig and I, faced with the annoyance of living truly boring lives, decided to come up with a plan to "get a life." The plans were updated each week and included reading books, talking to random people, going to the gym (which I never did) and other lame stuff like that. Well, we have again realized that our lives are turning into boring mush so we have devised another POA, a much funkier POA. At first the goal of the POA was to "get a new boyfriend." But after thinking about it for 5 seconds we figured, thats such a restrictive goal, we should just plan to increase the fun in our lives. So fun it is.. Although I think Mig is still on the bf plan so maybe its a mixture of "Find a bf/husband/fun" Sounds good to me. So I think our ongoing plan is to talk to 2 potential guys a week. Like I said, men are good for endless entertainment so why not use this to our fun advantage. Another plan is to go to the gym twice a week. Ehem, yeah, Mig is all over this. I on the other hand may pass by a gym twice a week but there is no way in hell I'd be in one :) And another plan is to... wait, I think we just have two.. hm not much of a POA huh? Ok I'll have to discuss this with her in more detail but more to come :)

My Future Husband/Potential #1

OK so if you're breathing right now, I've probably purported that I have met my future husband.. no seriously.. ok not seriously, but I can dream can't I? Taking full advantage of my single status, and trying to shake the dust off of my once vibrant personality (ok it wasnt that vibrant but whatevs) I decided to go to happy hour and then to a cardinal young alumni pub night with my friend Lori. Lori and I werent quite sure when happy hour started or ended but we got there around 7:30. Apparently that was NOT the happiest hour. So we just got a drink from a bar in downtown PA, chatted for a bit, then headed to pub night. When we first got there, there was hardly anyone there. But dedicated to the goal of having fun we both stayed, and it paid off! More and more people trickled in and soon the dance floor was packed. A friend of mine knew these two guys so we ended up dancing with them most of the night. They turned out to be law students but were sooo much fun! I thought one in particular was kind of cute but he wasn't making any weird advances so I didn't think much of it. While standing off of the dance floor waiting for Lori to get back from the bathroom, my future husband :) walks by, then walks by again but this time starts to talk to me. We laugh for a bit and he tells me to "come find him on the dance floor." Whateva! I don't go lookin for nooobody. Anywho after he disappears, a minute later it clicks! OMG! This is sooo strange! Just the other day I was saying to a friend if I really wanted to get married I should just date guys 25+, preferably a lawyer, and someone making good money. And all of a sudden, this guy fit the bill. Perfectly! Almost too perfectly... Anyway I was getting really tired and was planning on leaving. Lori agreed to ride in my car after our other friend disappeared and so I reminded her to close her tab. When she left again the guy passed me twice, again the second time he stopped to talk. Again he said that I should dance and I took the offer when he took my hand and didnt do the lame "come find me" thing. We danced for a little while, my friends ended up leaving, but I was having so much fun! But then eventually, as always, the music got lame and I had to leave. And then the awkwardness began. "Ok, I'm going to go." "oh, ok. well it was nice meeting you." "It was nice meeting you too." pause.. "you're working tomorrow?" "Yeah i'm heading to phoenix for a meeting." "oh ok. you said you live in the area?" "Yeah." "we should hang out sometime" "Yeah!" pause... hm he's not asking for my number.. crap.. how are we going to hang out if he doesnt have my number? hm, i guess he just said that to be nice :( screw it, i'm giving him my number anyway. "Do you have a cell phone?" "yeah" pulls it out "what's your number?" somehow i forget my number..lame.. but then remember it. Alright I'm off. As I walk to my car I would have been floating on cloud 9, but my cynical side would only let me float on cloud 8... well better than nothing eh?

My hapiness was short lived when I spent part of my day at a borders in phoenix reading about dating (i was bored!) and one book said that women get more attractive at the end of the night. A woman rated a 6 at 7:00 pm at a bar is rated an 8.5 at the end of the night.. he didnt "ask" for my phone number until close to midnight! Oh no! He wouldnt have asked otherwise. Then I read another book thats said NEVER offer your number to a guy. HE has to ask for it. Crap! I screwed up. Oh well.. he'll probably never call. But at least I can tell myself that he wasn't as tall as my ideal and he.... hm, I guess thats it. Oh and he's probably a player, so who really wants to deal with that? Well at least I'll have him in my dreams.. until I forget what he looks like :)

ok i'm done. thanks for reading! Latahz

Weirdos Abound

Yesterday was a fairly normal day. I had a meeting with my boss in the morning, realized I still hadn't gone shopping for the suit I need for my advisory board meeting this weekend and went to the mall to pick something out. $580 later I headed back home to take maxie for a walk. Equipped with a book and a general bounce in my step I left the apartment, and headed to the park I always go to to let max roam free. After letting max off his leash I started reading my book. All of a sudden I looked up and max was running towards a bigger dog. I tried to call him back, but of course he does what he wants and approached the dog. Too bad the dog was attached to a strange owner.

Though I was clearly standing and READING this 5'5" 40 year old, balding, chubby man walks up to me and starts talking about crap.. I can't remember exactly what it was, b/c I don't remember crap. Anyway Max can be kind of annoying so I was wary about the way he was playing with the other dog. Sure enough the guy's dog got mad at Max, barked at him and tried to bite him. I was absolutely horrified! I grabbed max put him on his leash and tried to walk away. Buut NO! This stupid guy kept asking me stupid questions.. yeah I went to stanford, yeah got a degree in human biology, yes i want to be a doctor, alright well you have a good day.

I walked to the other side of the park and let max go free as soon as I thought the guy and his dog were leaving the park. But they didnt leave the park, instead the guy comes up to me. This time I'm sitting and READING. This does not deter him. He asks/tells me that I must have had a lot of boyfriends at stanford.. no not really sir. Am I attached now? Yes. Oh thats good, he says. Then he goes into this diatribe about how he has no luck with women. I tell him he should try online dating or church! He then explains his online dating escapades and then I tell him, well some women are superficial and some aren't. What I really wanted to say was, I do not find you remotely attractive. The thought of you touching me gives me the chills. Most women probably feel the same. But that's not to say that there isnt a woman out there that wouldnt be repulsed.. I've seen stranger things.. I decided to hold my tounge.

Finally I can't take it anymore and I say that I'm getting cold and put Max on his leash and begin leaving the park. The guy says something to the effect of "it was nice meeting you, what is your name?" I respond "yeah you too. Lisa" I used to tell men that my name was Lucy but there arent any black lucy's that i've ever run across so I thought Lisa was more believable. So just when I think its over the creep says that once its summer time I'm invited to come swim in his pool, then asks if I have a pool where I live. I tell him yes, and he's like oh, well you're still invited.

Then! Today this guy I kind of sort of hooked up with a couple of times at the end of senior year contacted me again. We didnt do much but cuddle, watch movies, make out, heavy petting, etc. but after we graduated he aimed me to tell me we should keep in touch. I'm like ha! whatever, ok. He's a pretty distinguished gentleman so at the time I had no problem doing so. And at first it was cute and flirtatious that he imed me every month or so to see what was up. But then it just got weird.. you know the kind of weird when men ask that all important question "what are you wearing." He contacted me once or twice while I was dating mo, but it was all in the beginning stages so we weren't tied to each other. I slightly entertained him and always made it short and sweet and signed off right after. All of a sudden he's back! It's like he has some kind of sense to know when I'm available or slightly available even. This time though I was through entertaining him for his sake and just kind of brushed him off.

I'm rediscovering my belief that men are just a source of endless entertainment. From the 40 year old guy to Mr. Aim I have an uncanny ability to attract weirdos who just become entertaining if put in the right perspetive. And these are just recent weirdos. I already mentioned the guy who wanted to take pictures of me. Then there was the guy that was in town for a little while and just had to stop me b/c I was so beautiful. Ugh, men, so full of it. But at least it makes me laugh :)

On second thought...

Realizing that Mo and I just weren't that into each other I started to think of my whole dating strategy. In college any guy I was really into turned out to be a jerk/asshole, etc. So I figured why not date someone who isn't "my type." That was cool for a little while but in the end, not being passionate about someone catches up with you to the point where you realize, maybe being friends is a better idea. But since my ego is the size of the old USSR (that thing was huge) its more prone to get nicks in it every now and again. Even though it made sense to break up, my ego got a little bruised.

At first I thought to myself that I wouldn't date again until I was sure I wanted to get married or something, since I clearly can't stand this break up nonsense. But I slept a lot (thank god for random vacations) and thought things through and then opened up my diary. My diary from college should be entitled "Diary of the Life of a Single Girl." I flipped through it and remembered all the guys I dated, and the fun I had just being single.. when you're single, at least for me, the possibilities of your happiness are limitless. Maybe that cute guy I met yesterday will be my future husband, and we'll live happily ever after! Or wait, that guy's hot, I'll go talk to him. Don't get me wrong, single life has its ups and downs but at least I'm up for the ride again.

So I guess my plan is to just entertain possibilities until I meet that "someone." And this time, that someone has to be someone I feel a connection with from the beginning. If its not going to work out with someone you have a connection with and not going to work out with someone you have no connection with.. why not live with the thrills of being extremely happy, if only momentarily?

No more dispassionate relationships for me.. unless I'm 30 and desparate ;)

Breaking up is..uh.. weird to do

So I just broke up w/ my boyfriend. He didn't do anything aggregious, but I guess it was just a combination of having mounting feelings for him and realizing early on that his were waning. We had a calm discussion of my grievances - lessened calls during the week, not making the effort to see each other, not being treated the way I deserved to be treated. He apologized for making me feel bad and after a long winding way of getting there, finally admitted that the relationship was getting more serious than he planned or wanted it to. He's young, is working on his career, and doesn't want to feel depended on. Funny he admitted that he wanted to say it earlier but knew it would cost him the relationship since I'm not a person who believes in half-assedness. Fair enough. I'm just glad that I had the self-respect and enough pride in myself to know what I want and to cut things off when I didn't feel I was recieving it.

I realize though in my short lived relationship, which I guess was officially my first, I'm not the kind of person who can get emotionally involved willy nilly. Admittedly I started to like Mo a lot after the past couple of weeks, but realize that before then I was very luke warm. Being luke warm just made me doubt everything. Should I be in a relationship with someone who doesn't immediatly light my fire? I thought that maybe the flame would come later.. but really if its not there, its not there. And since my family is not in the practice of arranging marriages, I can let go of someone who just doesn't do it for me. The whole time though I thought I wasn't getting emotionally involved b/c I was just being rational, no one likes having a broken heart. But I realize now that I never let myself get emotionally involved b/c I could see the writing on the wall.. I wasn't in love with mo and he wasn't in love with me.. we had a friendship at best. And even with all that said, I'm still a little sad. Not sad enough to swear off men.. we parted amicably, but with the sense that there is only so many times I can do this and only so long of a list of exes that I want in my dating history. B/c of this, truthfully, I don't think I'm going to have a boyfriend for a looong time, probably when I start my residency. At least then I know that there is a possibility of marriage and that the odds of breaking up are lower..

I wish my ex the best, and really do wish we could be friends.. but guys arent so much into the friendship thing so I guess thats a bust? Such is life...

Love? or Money?

I was watching a Dr. Phil episode about gold diggers today. One woman reasoned, if you can fall in love with anyone, why not fall in love with someone who's rich and not someone who is poor? Uum.. yeah.. It reminds me about my mother's take on marriage though.

Since I can remember.. ok maybe since I've been a teen.. my mom has implanted the notion into me that men are useless to have as life companions and should only be used for specific reasons. To give you a little background, my mother met the love of her life when she was in college. It's a cute story. She was standing outside a college building with some friends and a student who she had never met before came up to her and took her picture. He told her that he just had to have a record of seeing someone so beautiful. She sucked her teeth, waved her hand shooing him away, and he left. Weeks later he had somehow tracked her down, knocked on her dorm room door and presented her with the picture. The rest is history.. sor of. After some turmoil in her life, my mom decided that the love of her life was holding her back. She broke up with him and moved on to do other things a.k.a a better life. She met my dad one day when she was walking back home. She was living with her mother and taking care of practically 15+ people in her family. My dad drove up to her and asked if he could give her a ride. She accepted, got in the car, and noticed that he was wearing his pilot uniform. My mom was smitten, or at least she had found someone who would give her a better life than she had. They got to her house and my dad, in his non-romantic, comatose manner simply asked her, "can I call you?" and she gave him her number. For months my mom had my dad chasing her around, she loved it. She found out he was very intelligent and made a lot of money, thats all she needed. My mom and my dad eventually divorced after having my brother. His family hated her and her family hated him.. such is life. My mom has no regrets though. According to her she found good genes (except that whole sickle cell bit) and their breakup helped her realize that she needed to get the hell out of Africa and give her children a better life in the states.. Thanks mom :)

My mom's advice about men can be encapsulated in the following quotes:

"Women are stupid. They marry someone who they swoon over and then they get stuck. You should marry someone you can be friends with. If it doesnt work, you just pick up your bags and go."

"There is nothing like forever. Love isn't forever."

"All men are good for is to provide you with kids. Find someone who has brains and good genes so you can have good kids."

"See, people think I'm crazy b/c I tell them, when you meet a man ask him all the questions you have upfront. I mean, do you want to find out years down the line that he's crazy? or that he steals? I would ask as soon as I meet someone, 'are you a thief? is anyone in your family a theif? do you have any mental disorders? do you have any std's?' See some people think that's crazy but it just makes sense."

Now since I am my mother's daughter, there is a lot of stuff she believes that I believe, but then since I am an individual, there are things I won't go along with. Like, I'm not going to give someone 21 questions on a first date.. nor do I think having kids should be like a business agreement between a man and a woman.. nothing wrong with it.. just not my cup of tea.

I do believe in being discriminate about love. Some people discriminate between race, religion, political view.. etc. I discriminate between men who won't be successful and men who will. If I met a guy now that wasn't well off and he's in his 20's it wouldnt matter much to me. You just have to have earning potential. IF I met someone when I was 26, he'd better damn be well on his way in a successful career. I refuse to be the financial breadwinner in any marriage.. why am I married then? And since I plan on being well off, it sets the bar for a potential mate.. I don't think I'm a gold digger or anything, I just believe in being comfortable. As a kid I learned what it meant to struggle. I'd never want that for my kids, especially since there is no reason I'd have to live that lifestyle..

Unlike my mother though, I wouldn't marry someone JUST for their money. As callus as I seem.. I'd rather be in love, otherwise its too easy to walk away, and divorce is not ok in my book.

Well who knows what the future will hold.. maybe i'll just be an old maid with a bunch of cats.. or dogs.. spinster.. thats the word for old hagged women right? lame...

Giving Maximus Away?

So about 6 months ago, I had the brilliant idea of getting a puppy. I don't know why my feelings were so strong. I dont even really like animals, never had a pet as a kid, yet I wanted a puppy SOO bad. A friend suggested that it may be b/c I wanted something to love, much like how 14 year old girls really want pony's so they can love it like a boyfriend.. or some such theory... fair enough.

After much thought and much advice NOT to get a puppy I got one anyway.. from the beginning it was an expensive venture. But I thought Max was the cutest thing ever. I still think he is! The problem now is that I don't have the time and energy to take care of him. Between my 40+ hour a week job which requires me to travel, a social life, and a boyfriend who lives in SF I'm hardly able to devote enough attention to training and playing with Max. Having spent $200 on him this week alone (replacing my sony power cord he chewed through, partially reimbursing my roommate for her power cord that he also chewed through, and food) this dog is friggin expensive! Moreover, its still hard to housebreak him since I'm so into my work I dont notice him pooing on the carpet in the corner.

Knowing how much responsibility he is and the fact that I'm yet to tell my mother about having him since I know she'll yell at me, I feel it may be better to give him to a family that has the time and energy to play with him and nurture him. Especially b/c now that he's older he gets bored so much more easily, often staring at me and barking when I'm plugging away at my computer.

That's the practical side of me. My practical side put up a post about someone taking him off my hands. The emotional side of me, on the other hand, can't imagine actually going through with it. I am fully emotionally attached to this dog. Everytime I get an email about someone asking about him I start to cry or tear up. How could I give him away?? He'd know I gave him away.. would he always wait by the door of his new home waiting for me to walk in? Oh man.. i'm tearing up now. Or maybe he wouldnt really remember, or care, as long as his new family treated him well. Someone sent me an email asking for pictures of him, and when I went to my photo collection of him, I started crying again, remembering when he was so tiny and how much fun he can be.

A friend tried reassuring me that giving him to a family who can pay attention to him and give him a lot of love was for the best since I don't have the structure or lifestyle to do that right now.. I know it makes sense but I don't know. And I'm starting to believe that I did get a puppy b/c I needed something to love. If I broke up with my bf would I hate myself even more for giving away my beloved puppy? Probably. At the same time, I dont like having more emotional crutches in my life than I can handle, b/c when they're gone or in pain, it hurts.. a lot.

Dilemmas Dilemmas.. if anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it :) Thanks :-/

An interesting thing about happiness

Yeah I'm supposed to be working, but after reading a friend's blog, I was reminded of a concept my mom taught me since I could process speech pretty much. My mom's theory is that happiness and tragedy are on the same life wheel for everyone. When something tragic happens, one should not fret, for better times are surely ahead. I guess in a way its about balance. You can't have too much good in your life or too much tragedy. Somehow it all balances out. Although, it must also be the case then that balance works on a macro level, some people will have much more happiness in their life at the expense of people who have nothing but tragedy in theirs.

It isn't an original concept; buddhists, christians, and I'm sure kabalists believe the same thing... balance. A friend once described the concept in terms of a mutual friend. "See you can't have everything. [She] is gorgeous, has a great boyfriend, and is doing really well in her major. [She's] probably going to get married after graduation and have great kids. But to balance it all out, she's going to die at 38 of colon cancer. See Elsie, you shouldn't get married. Just be miserable and you'll live to 80. Only bitter people end up living that long."

I thought to myself, hm, I guess it would suck to die of colon cancer before you get to your 40th birthday, but would I really want to live as a bitter old hag, alone, and mad at the world until I was 80! No! I'd rather have a happy balance, not really saying how long I'd want to live, but at least having a life I enjoyed in summary is important. In summary meaning, there were good time and bad, but the good times helped me cope with the bad.. etc.

I read this book about luck called "The Luck Factor." Cheesy I know, but there were a few gems in the book. The author explained how people having high occurence of self-reported luck were much more social than people who thought their lives were doomed. It makes sense, the more social you are, the more chances you have to network or find someone who can provide you with something you want or need. Moreover, people who thought they were lucky always put a positive spin on the bad times like, "Wow, life is shit now, but it's going to turn around. It always does." It was an interesting way to look at luck. It's not just something that happens to you. Luck is something you create for yourself.. and so is your happiness.

The only problem with the way my mom explained the whole happiness/tragedy dynamic is the skewed interpretation I took from it. Tragedy often comes in waves where you get knocked down by everything crashing in your life one by one. But once you're experiencing the tragedy, you at least know that something is going to happen in your life that picks you back up. With the same logic though, when things are going good and you feel like you're floating on cloud 9, be sure that there will be something to knock you off that cloud and send you perpelling down to - at best - the real world - at worst - your own hell. Having said this, my mother instilled this strange thought process in me. It's as if every time something goes well I have to look over my shoulder trying to figure out what tragedy will befall me. And that SUCKS! Especially because tragedy isn't immediate after happiness. It could take months, years! But I can't fully enjoy really good things without a cynical spin, because the looming tragedy makes me feel uneasy. That is no way to live let me tell you!

I'm trying to instill a new thought process in myself though. Enjoy the good times. My dog Maximus, when he smells something in the grass that he really likes, he rolls all over it, trying to smother himself in the smell, coming home smelling like god knows what. But its a good example of how I think happiness should be embraced. Revel in it! Get down on all fours and roll around in it. If something bad is to come, you want to have enough happiness and mental fortitude to combat it!

Ok well, back to work :)

Not to be mushy or anything..

I've never had a valentine. The one time I built up the courage to ask someone to check the "yes" or "no" box if they liked me, I got a guy mouthing to me during an elementary school assembly "i don't like you." My heart dropped! I quickly pretended that I had not actually written the note and that another friend wrote it - a friend I found out he actually did like :-/ Since the fifth grade, Valentine's day was just another day where I felt alone and unloved by any guy I was remotely interested in. In Junior High and High School, Valentine's Candy Grahams would pass me by.. even though I always secretly hoped I had a secret admirer.. well if I ever did he was definetly too cheap to ever buy me a $1 candy graham.. I've gotta make myself feel better somehow.

So imagine my suprise now when I actually do have a valentine. Should I capitalize on the moment and do every cliche valentine's day activity to make up for lost time? Well turns out, maybe due to years of being jaded, I'm not the biggest fan of valentine's day, and cliches are not my idea of fun. Turns out my boyfriend isnt a fan of V-Day either. S0 what did we do? Well first of all we "celebrated" the big day the day BEFORE! How original! :-P We had lunch instead of dinner! We saw a chinese movie about good and evil instead of a sappy romantic comedy! And we stood on a cliff watching the waves of the ocean as they crashed against the shore and watched the sunset, but it was freezing! So it really wasn't as romantic as it sounds. Instead of an exchange of chocolates and roses, I gave him a homemade card and a mix tape (not! CD) and he gave me 5 jokes about me that he's working into his comedy routine..

Well I guess there were definte elements of cliche - movie watching, eating, going to the beach, sunset watching - whatevs. The worst part of it all is when I drove back from the city I started looking back on the day and got all choked up.. in a happy way..

ok enough of the sap

I guess in the end, I'm still not the biggest fan of V-Day. But like many holidays I hate, while you don't have to be in the total spirit of the holiday, and buy into the evil consumerism of it all, holidays can give you a good excuse to express how you feel about someone - an opportunity that may not arise otherwise.. especially if you aren't a mushy person.. ahem..

Well I'll stop here before I get too sappy and people want to shoot me. (PS I'm still not writing those 100 notes.. but I'll keep you updated, as I would really want someone to smack me out of the trance.)

Screw it, I'm locking myself in my room until the 13th..

I have had one of the strangest week's that I've had in a while and I'm kind of afraid of anything worse happening.. like getting crushed by a plane that only crashes on me..

1.) Found out that a friend got kicked out of my sorority and got married in reno to a guy she's been dating for a couple weeks..

2.) So if you don't know, I was once accosted by this old guy (60+) when I was walking Max one day and the guy comes up to me and asks me if my name is "Corretta." I tell him that my name is not Corretta and try to keep walking, but he continues to try to talk to me. In NY i could have said "fuck off" and been fine. But somehow in california its rude not to talk to strangers.. whatevs. Highlights from the brief convo aree that I told him my name was Lucy. And that I was not a model and NO he could NOT take pictures of me.
That was about two months ago. Then on Monday he pulls up to me in a large blue SUV (just in case I get abducteed, you guys know what to tell the cops) and yells out "Hey Lucy!" He remembered my name - fake or otherwise! Creepy! I said hello and swiftly walked away as he called out to me not to leave.

3.) On the same day, I had a shitty job interview, granted I didnt want the job, but I didnt have to make myself look like an idiot! I got rejected from a job I didnt even remember applying for. My friend got an active recruitment call from Harvard, and another got into USC med school. Congrats to them, but I could have done without a few things on a day that "God" was clearly telling me how inadquate I am as a person. And just as I was finally feeling OK about everything, my dog chews through my power cord! I couldnt finish a job project that I was assigned and had to order a replacement! Just for future reference, laptop computer cords are about 100 bucks.. yeah thanks max! Luckily I had the great idea of admitting this to my boss and she is allowing me to charge it to the company! Chaching!

4.) On the same day, while I was at safeway this woman approaches me about taking pictures of me for some collage she wants to make of beautiful dark-skinned black woman for some neewspaper she writes for. I felt somewhat flattered and somewhat weirded out.

5.) I'm sure that there are other things I have forgotten. But all I know is I'm staying SOBER this weekend b/c I'd rather not have to add a legitimate #5, well unless its something REALLY good and not REALLY bad..

Why S-E-X is B-A-D

Ok so clearly I'm not from a Puritan colony and don't believe that sex should only be performed for the act of copulation, but now that there is a such thing as in vitro fertilization, humans won't even have to participate in SINS OF THE FLESH! Ehem..

Like my friend Kate said, sex can "make you love a one eyed billy goat." I've seen enough one eyed billy goat lovers to finally take a stand on the downfall of sex, in and out of relationships. First off, if you do it with the wrong person, you might just give yourself a death sentence.. or a lifetime of itching and burning.. or at least a guilty trip to your doctor..

Besides that, a note to guys out there: sex makes girls CRAZY! Even for the more sane women out there, the strings attached to sex eventually pull you closer to someone.. whether that person is bouncing back to you or running the other way is another matter. The funny thing is that guys have long heard of the state of delusion sex can put a woman in and STILL decide to sleep with someone they don't care that much about.. tisk tisk, Lorana Bobbit wasn't in the wrong. Joey Buttaffuco should have known better.. sigh.. men

Anyway, scientists say that for men, oxytocin and vassopressin are horomones that makes a guy fall in love in a sexually healthy, committed relationship. Outside of a relationship oxytocin, for men at least, make them ready for the next sexual act.. most likely with another woman.. From my observations sex does the following to people -

For Women:

Makes you think you're in love
Makes you willing to settle for less.. if the sex is good
Makes you feel desireable
Makes you want to cut a bitch if she gets near "yo man"
You may suffer from virgin's disease*

For Men:

Makes you lie/cheat/be a real dick head (no pun intended)
Makes you want to kill (figuratively hopefully) a cheating partner
Devalue a woman if she was "too easy"
You may suffer from virgin's disease, although the rates of infection are lower

A lesser known effect, is that mind blowing sex can cause people to get married. Do such marriages last? Probably not. Do sane people think sex is a reason to get married? No - this is why the occurence is rare.. but apparently does happen.. I'm keeping my mouth shut as to how I know this. :)

As for me, I'm currently listening to "How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston on repeat and writing a hundred love notes on floral paper and spraying them with my perfume, and signing each "your booshnikums" and I'm sealing them all with a kiss...

Well not really. Well not at all.. I'd just hope someone would shoot me with a harpoon if I ever started doing such things.. or at least performed some sort of intervention.. thats all I ask.


*Virgin's Disease - An mental affliction that makes one believe they will live happily ever after with their "first."

This is what happens when...

This is what happens when the guy Elsie is dating doesn't call for a long time:

- I start thinking and reminiscing about exes; regardless of how crazy and bad for me they were

- I start plotting on the perfect break up lines "Its not me. It's you. You Suck"

- Start contemplating calling said ex(es)

- I start entertaining the idea of dating that guy that I thought I didn't like, but maybe I didn't
give him a proper chance.

- I get really annoyed.

- I complain to friends.

- I think "Whoa this guy must be retarded. I clearly deserve better."

- Start thinking more about calling ex.

- Decide to call ex on a certain day, regardless of whether or not retarded bf gets his act
together.

- Complain to people that don't care.

- Get over it and think about other things.. such as - what to write in blog

:-)