A Pair and a Spare

I've been learning SOO much since living in the city. A lot of my experiences are teaching me how to look at the dating world through the male perspective. According to some author, who wrote some dating advice book, a woman should always keep a pair and a spare of guys and rotate through them. The author's reasoning was that when you are dating 3 guys, even if you come to like one way more than the others, when the one you really want acts up (which of COURSE they will) you won't be too hung up on it b/c you'll be too busy having fun with the 2 other guys. You'll be having so much fun that the time flies by and before you know it, the one you want has straightened up his act.. um yeah.

Well since I've moved to the city my dating options have increased by like 1000% and dating advice that I was a bit hesitant about now makes sense. For instance, lets take the 'He's just not that into you' classic. One piece of "wise" (ha) advice the book gives is "if he's not calling you, he's just not that into you." And at first I wanted to contest this. I mean there were a sea of men in college so intimidated by women that they'd pine away for years and the woman would be none the wiser! In this case the guy was into the girl, just too chicken sh** to say so. But recently, I was supposed to go on a date with.. lets call him Mr. Shortie. Mr. Shortie is a really nice guy. I mean he doesnt make me buckle over with laughter but he gets my jokes. He isn't the most well dressed guy but he tries. He treats me like a princess and I get a kick out of it b/c it's clear to me his ideal woman is someone like his sister.. somehow I'm like his sister.. yeah funny how that whole family modeling thing works.. Anyway Mr. Shortie is not a bad guy. He's just..well.. too short. I've never asked him but I estimate he's about 5'8". Yes i'm only 5'5" but with heels we're practically the same height, and something instinctively tells me he would not be a good protector of our "brood" (lol, i swear this is all biological) so I'm just not that into him. And my behavior shows my ambivalence quite clearly. He calls and leaves messages.. I get back to them whenever I feel guilty enough to feel bad about not calling him back. I was supposed to call and confirm a date and completely forgot until he called and reminded me the next day.. I say whatever comes to mind b/c I'm not trying to impress him. I have no urge to ever call him, etc... So now in examining my behavior I can then get a sense of when a guy just isnt that into me.

On the other hand, in many ways I acted in the same fashion with Mr. Protege. I never called him, I never tried to impress him, he constantly called about confirming dates, etc. The difference? I REALLY liked Mr. Protege. I don't know what it is about feeling that you've met your match in someone, but it draws you in like a moth to a flame. A flame that will singe the hell out of you, but you won't be satisfied until you get burned.. so you keep flying closer.. Mr. Protege pops in and out and while the games were a lot more subtle in the beginning of this crapola they've become beyond blatant and for whatever reason I choose to participate. I really think the game playing is out of boredom on both our parts. No one is really playing to win as much as we're bored enough to tease each other. A friend, who clearly has a better memory than I, brought up the fact that in 6 months of knowing each other we've seen each other 4 times. I'm sure we could have seen each other more buut.. I'm a bi*** and he's an a**hole. A match made in heaven if you ask me. I really believe that the only reason this has been going on so long is that we both have so much other stuff going on in our lives that the behavior of one doesnt really affect the other. Whatever, the situation warrents no further discussion..

Then there is Mr...Net. I met Mr. Net through a dating site during the time my friend and I thought it would be soo much fun to tease guys on the internet. After all that teasing my friend got a boyfriend and I got a date with Mr. Net, who currently lives in SD and is moving to San Fran in October. Mr. Net was up in SF one weekend to look at places to live. We decided to meet up and at first I must say the date was less than stellar. First off he was really fidgety during the first 5 minutes. Then our conversation was neither bad, nor great. So I figured after dinner I'd be on my way. But Mr. Net wanted to take a walk. We chat for a while and I discover that Mr. Net isnt as completely boring as I originally thought. He walks me to my car and leans in for a kiss. As if! He gets a kiss on the cheek. Then Mr. Net decides to send me a txt message 5 minutes after the end of our date.. am I that bad at reading people? As much as I feel that Mr. Net and my lifestyle's are too different to mesh - he's over the party/bar scene and I've just started - whenever Mr. Net contacts me I act as if I'm super excited.. its almost an experiment to see how guys react to certain behavior. Yeah I know its not the greatest to experiment on unsuspecting individuals, but I can't help it. As October approaches, hanging out with Mr. Net seems more like a possiblity.. we'll see where that goes..

And so in summary:

The pair - Mr. Shortie and Mr. Net
The spare - Mr. Protege who has long since fallen to the waste-side (pun intended) in terms of expectations.

My interest vs. My behavior:

Mr. Shortie - ambivalent/ambivalent;
Mr. Net - Not so interested/super excited!;
Mr. Protege - Highly interested for whatever stupid reason/I couldn't care less if he fell off the face of the earth.

So what does this teach us folks? Advice is stupid! People like me (i.e. 90%) of the population live in some crazy screwed up world where we can't be upfront with people. Therefore a person might be into you, or NOT. You just gotta go with the flow, follow basic advice - i.e. let the guy chase you - and enjoy the ride. Otherwise you could end up and emotional nut case trying to figure out someone's motivations when in reality, only they know why they do what they do (or not) and may keep these reasons from you and themselves indefinetly...

In conclusion: I'm retarded and so is anyone else who puts up with my antics :)

Good night! ;)

I'm done giving advice to girls/women

Ok I should really say, I'm done being invested in the outcome of any advice I give. I mean I love giving advice. Especially when I turn out being right whether the advice was heeded or not. But honestly, why are women so dumb? "But Bang, you're a woman, aren't you dumb?" Well that's neither here nor there since the cardinal rule of advice givers is : "Do what I say, not as I do." After having a conversation with the good ol Mom I've come to some resolution about how I see the world and why other women don't see it the same way.

First off, I took a test a while ago that supposedly tells you how male or female your brain is. Not only do I have more of a "male" brain, my ring finger is longer than my pointer finger.. which apparently means I was exposed to more testosterone in the womb.. um.. yeah.. So friends that have told me that I date more like a guy than a woman aren't far off! (I'm not a lesbian though.. I swear)

Anyway, enough about me.. Who am I kidding, more about me. Anyway today I had a discussion with a friend who is deciding on a career move, but some of what is clouding her judgement is the fact that she met a new guy (barf!). I don't know how many times I've been pissed off by women who base their decisions in life about a guy who in a few months, a year, etc, will be long gone. And can we also point out the fact that most men do not make such sacrifices for their partners unless they are truly invested in the relationship and its actually going somewhere?

More than that, I realize my friend DOES know what the right move is... what's keeping her from making the right move? EMOTIONS. Yack! There is simply no way to get around the fact that women are emotional creatures. Although women have common sense, all of that gets pushed to the side for the sake of emotions.. This is how psycho biznatches are created, why abused women stick around, why few women ever reach their intellectual potential...

It's sad really. But then I looked at it from a social perspective. In relationships there is always the controlled and the controller, period. Keep fooling yourself by believing relationships are about equality these days... relationships dont work like this. Just like you can't have two diva's in a room, you can't have two domineering people in a relationship.. too much drama. More often than not the man ends up being the controller.. why? B/c men end up being more logical than emotional and therefore have the ability to manipulate and control women by evoking an emotional response. I mean this isn't all bad. Sh** has to get done in the world. Little is going to get done if people are at home fighting over power all day. And in the interest of not sounding ridiculously sexist.. women can hold power in a relationship too, making the man submissive.. What did Lil' Kim say? Oh yes.. Pu**y is power.

Realizing that I'm more logical than emotional, I've come to terms with the fact that I will almost never see eye to eye with my girlfriends on relationship issues. More than that, I have to realize that my *logical* advice will almost never be heeded since emotions are always going to get in the way. Isn't it better for a girlfriend to tell you to "follow your heart" rather than "he's a fuc*in loser, dump his loser a**?" Even further, my motivations in life are different. I'm all about maximizing status, being independent, and living and learning from mistakes. Some people are simply passing through, looking for love/codependency, and making mistakes over and over again b/c its more comfortable than trying something new.

Ah well. All this said, don't be discouraged to ask me for advice. And realize that I really don't care if you take it or not. Just giving me the opportunity to hear myself talk is worth it for me :)

Sage Motherly Advice

"Never settle for anything in life... this applies to men too. You think oh he's unattractive, he'll treat me right. Ha! Those are the worst types of men. First of all, they'll realize you're the best thing they can ever get. So if you try to leave them they'll try to kill you (seriously). Those type of men know how to drive a woman insane too, so she doesn't have the energy to be looking for someone else. So just stay away."

Thanks mom! Duly noted. :)

Since I'm not working anyway

It's noon on a Thursday and I haven't done a lick of work. Why you ask? No good reason. But as I was surfing the web I found this article that's just too funny. Apparently on 38% of people who call in sick from work are actually ill. The rest have other random reasons for missing work. A survey found these to be the oddest reasons:

I was sprayed by a skunk.

I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.

My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.

I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

I couldn't find my shoes.

I hurt myself bowling.

I was spit on by a venomous snake.

I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.

A hitman was looking for me.

My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.

I eloped.

My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.

My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.

I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.

I forgot what day of the week it was.

Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.

A tree fell on my car.

My monkey died.

Tooo busy

I thought I'd jot down a few notes just as an update on how city living is going. I cant believe its only been about a week. It feels like months! In a weeks time there are 3 guys jocking my balls, I've had 2 dates, going on another one later in the week. I've met up with old stanford people.. which normally wouldn't be exciting but ends up being a hoot when you're lonely and out of college. And I'm slowly forgetting how much life sucks b/c I'm too busy to take notice.

I'll be back when life calms down and I'm depressed again... or I have another keen observation... but for now ciao mi amors! (all one of you who still reads this :) )

The Bang in the City

So quite honestly, transitioning to city living was a little harder than expected. I did not realize that living around campus kept me inside the Stanford bubble even though I wasn't attending classes. Moving to SF has definetly initiated me into the infamous "REAL WORLD" where no one gives a sh** about you, everyone's out doing their own thing, and you better learn to be street savvy quick or you'll easily be duped.

But I can't complain too much. My roommate especially gave me a good way to transition into a new lifestyle. Within 48 hours of moving in my roommate had taken me to a Greek Festival (real people from Greece!), salsa dancing, and reggae dancing. She also wanted to take me to a soul festival but I had to get SOME work done so I declined. Within 3 days alone I already had 5 potential dates! It's been a whirlwind of excitement so to speak. But even with all the excitment there is still something missing. After hearing the fifth "Hey Elsie, this is [insert guy's name]. I met you [insert place here] blah blah, you should give me a call" message I realized, wow, in the city you sure do meet a lot of people. BUT you start to realize that you're not in Kansas anymore. The people you meet didn't necessarily go to the Stanfords of the country, they're not all doing consulting work, or anything remotely interesting.

If we're keeping count of the 5 guys that called, I only returned calls from 2 of them. And by next week I predict I'll be back to the drawing board. So why did I give the other 3 my number? I dont know, being nice? Yeah nice enough to let you call me and get my voicemail time after time. Ah well. So what to do next? Well scramble to meet Stanford people of course! That's right, all the people I took for granted I'm trying to make amends with. Something like "hey so and so, I dont know if you remember me, but I'm friends with so and so... so you want to do something sometime??"

B/c just for the rest of you who are not out of the Stanford bubble yet, real life sucks! And the only way to drown your sorrows is to create your own meaning in life and surround yourself with people who will feed that fantasy... So here I go folks!