Some more motherly advice

My mom has been dropping advice bombs on me lately, so I thought I'd share, and also write them down somewhere so I wouldn't forget.

1.) Me: "Yeah I have friends who talk to their boyfriend's everyday, and it makes me wonder, what the hell are they talking about?" Mom: "Tell your girlfriend's to stop that nonsense. Talking on the phone everyday and wonder why you get dumped. When you blab your mouth so often you start revealing your secrets. You're just saying things, meanwhile he's recording the details he doesnt like, which he will use later when he leaves. Most people probably talk about their mothers or fathers. WHO CARES? Keep it light! Talk about current events, books, something you did that day, then say good night! But no, instead you're talking about your family members and how this one did that, and he's thinking "oh, her family is more f*ed up than mine." Oh and the lovey dovey stuff.. as if you're married. Don't do that either."

2.) Mom: "See this is a mistake a lot of women make. They go into the kitchen and cook up these full course meals for their husbands and present it, 'here you go honey,' not knowing that you're just giving that man the strength to cheat. He eats that food you just prepared then calls his 'friend' to meet up later. But if you don't cook, then he gets back home and you say 'where do you want to go to eat?' It takes at least a couple of hourse to drive to the place, order, eat, chat. By the time he gets home he's too tired to go looking for someone else. He just has sex w/ you and goes to bed."

3.) Me: "You know, I'm just not the type to go seek out a person for marriage just because of their race. I'm going to be working crazy hours, probably won't get out much, might be introduced to people through friends, and hey, if it's not a black guy, so be it."
Mom: "Honey, it doesn't matter if you stay locked up in your house, your soul mate will come knocking. It doesn't matter if you are in a plane and it crashes in your soul mate's living room and you and he are the only survivors. You'll meet him and just know. When soul mates meet each other they just keep going together, even if the rest of the world is like, what in the world?? Why are they together? Haven't you ever seen people fall in love who don't even speak the same language?"
Me: "Yeah! When I was shadowing at the hospital there was this couple with a kid and the husband didn't even speak English!"
Mom: "Ooh, ok. See what I mean?"
Me: "First of all, I never knew you believed in soul mates, secondly, can soul mates get divorced? I mean I'm just thinking of all the people who get married and are like, 'oh you are my soul mate.' Then 10 years later they're like 'fuck you! I want a divorce.'"
Mom: "Firstly, a lot of people don't marry their soul mates. They marry for superficial reasons like, oh he makes this amount of money, has this status, yup! I'll marry him. But secondly, when ego is involved, yes soul mates can divorce. When neither party has ego, then nothing is stoping them, they'll be together forever."

More to be added...

The "Men Don't Think" Theory

This isn't really a bash on men.. ok maybe kinda, who am I fooling. Anyway I was talking to my mom the other day when she presented me with the "oh please, men don't think" theory. We were talking about a co-worker of hers who has been with her boyfriend for 8 years. My mom commented "Sometimes I just want to tell her that she's wasting her time if she thinks he'll marry her." I commented that I was under the impression that a woman should leave a guy who isnt making leaps and bounds towards marriage in 3 years max... if marriage is what the woman is looking for. My mom said the following:

"Please, men know what they want. It's not something they may even be consciously thinking of all the time. But as soon as they see it, whoop, they're not letting it go. They don't need years to know this. But that doesn't mean they won't take convenient sex and keep telling the woman what she wants to hear to keep her around. 'Oh yeah you know, I just got to get my finances straight before we can get married.' The list goes on."

The lesson here? If marriage is what you want, instead of seeing yourself as being "pushy" b/c after a year or two you start talking about marriage, you're actually just being smart. While there are *always* exceptions, 3 years max is what I say.

(I hope someone reminds me of this one day when I'm being stupid and still waiting at year 6 :-/ )

Will I get dumped?

Admittedly I'm musing over this question b/c I am in a severe state of procrastination. Turns out its not too easy to get back on the study horse after 2 weeks of laying around - even if the laying around was for a good reason.

Anyway, the bf called tonight for no reason I could really discern besides just saying hi and to see how my day went. Although he has the habit of forgetting what he really called about only to have it come up later. Anyway we got on the topic of a political argument we had last weekend. To preface the particulars of the argument, the bf is a staunch republican, and I'm a democrat, not your San Franciscan liberal democrat, but a dem nonetheless.

So my argument was that in 10 years people will look back at the actions of the current president and claim him to be a complete idiot for not engaging in talks with Iran. Why? B/c it is important to engage crazy people. You let them loose, running their mouth, attempting to acquire weapons of MASS DESTRUCTION, and guess what? Shit's going to hit the fan so hard, it won't be funny. The bf argues that it makes no sense to try to "appease" a crazy person and that Hitler should have taught everyone that this is the case. I tried to argue from a psychological point of view - yes the President of Iran hates the western world and hates Israel like no other, but really, he just wants to be acknowledge. Why can't Bush stop being so damn arrogant and "engage" in talks with the Iranian president? "What purpose would that serve?" the bf asks. Well 1st of all it will make the Iranian president feel like he is a presence to be reckoned with, which he probably wants more than all this other crap he's spouting (i.e. to blow up Israel). Secondly, if we at least attempt to be on friendly terms with Iran, then we can engender a better image of the U.S. to the Iranian people and more importantly to the Iatolas who have some power over what happens in that country. I mean the point isn't to keep the whacko in power, but by giving him something he wants, we can buy time so that we can set up ways to bring him down internally. My argument went on, but by using phrases like "make him feel important" and "bettering our image" there was no way I was going to win the argument on pure logic, which according to the bf is the only way you can win an argument.

So I let the argument go and I talked to my mother today. My mother, besides knowing volumes of human nature in general, also has awe inspiring knowledge on world politics b/c her job requires that she knows what's going on around the world. After talking to her I got the low-down on the cultural/politcal reasons why the U.S. would greatly benefit from talking to Iran. Some of the reasons my mother believed to be purely psychological as well - crazy people who are *also* short make a lot of noise - Lil' Kim from Korea and the Iranian president are present day examples. They are making noise b/c they want their country to be recognized as a world power AND b/c they just have a psychological complex. Bush wouldn't engage North Korea much either, but he didn't leave them totally hanging. He had China go talk to Kim and calm his ass down. But Iran? Well supposedly the UN is supposed to take care of that. But the UN in this case isn't enough. Why? B/c Iran is mostly pissed off that the U.S. does have relations with countries like Israel and Saudi Arabia, and because of this, these countries prosper while Iran and others struggle economically to compete internationally. Moreover, the Iranian president is a Shiite and as it is now Saudi Arabia which holds power in the middle east is mostly Sunni and Israel, well is Israel.

So while this all sounds like high school drama, as the bf points out, it is ALL important. I mean, was I the only one that heard and learned that the "real world" is just like high school, its just that the people are older in the real world and you'd think they'd know better.. but they dont.

In any case, how does any of this relate to me getting dumped?

The issue is I get into these political arguments w/ the bf and based on knowledge alone (as long as it doesnt deal w/ psychology, biology, or anything else I've put a lot of time into learning) he wins hands down. I'm not going to pretend I know much about what goes on in the "free world" since I live in such a bubble. But I'm also not content with surrendering. Instead, if I temporarily lose a debate based purely on the fact that I just "know" and b/c I can't exactly think of concrete examples, I google it, and at my best, I just ask my mother. So then, unfairly I do admit, I come back to the debate more equipped than the last time. Eventually, instead of admitting defeat, the bf just quits arguing altogether and changes topics. And in some cases he just realizes I won't change my mind so he gives up trying to convince me.

People in general don't like to be proven wrong. This situation is even worse b/c its a guy losing an argument to a girl, and even worse, the guy prides himself on his knowledge and debate skills. Now if books like "The Rules" are accurate, going toe-to-toe w/ a guy on something he feels he knows a lot about and proving him wrong is just going to get me dumped. And soon he'll be on his way to find someone who doesn't challenge him as much.

Although all of this stuff is going on in the back of my head (the "I might get dumped" bit), I refuse not to argue. I love arguing w/ the bf not really b/c I want to win, but b/c I think its funny how riled up he gets about things. Our arguments mostly sound like - Him: " IIIII IIIII oh my GOD I can't believe you think that." Me: *giggle* "HAHAHAHAH" *giggle* "Fine don't believe me." It's clear though, that he takes these arguments more seriously than I do. I remember a convo where the bf said we could never get married b/c we argued all the time. Ah well, que sera sera.

I really don't understand why he gets so worked up about theoretical arguments anyhow, as if me arguing that the president should talk to Iran means anything. Maybe the president shouldn't acknowledge crazy people, my inkling is that he should. At the end of the day, the world stays a crazy, mixed up place. I mean I'd much rather be arguing over politics and other miscellaneous intellectual topics than argue over something stupid like "you just don't show that you care enough" or "I saw you eyeing that skank!"

Great Joke

I happened to catch a stand-up act on an old finale of "Last Comic Standing." Though I heard the joke earlier today, when I keep repeating it I still chuckle.

"I live in the suburbs now. Man I need to settle down. I need a woman, and I mean a WOMAN. I don't want a little girl. These young girls are trouble. Why? Because they still have hope! You know - 'Oh we'll have a wedding, we'll get married, we'll have children.' No we won't! I'm just passing through baby, passing through."

I guess I think its funny b/c I actually picture men being more honest w/ the women they're dating. When their girlfriend mentions something resembling long term commitment and he looks and says "baby, I'm just passing through. Can you pass me the remote?" Maybe its also funny b/c for the first time in a relationship I'm not so concerned with an end goal (i.e. marriage)... just passing through.

Evil I know

:)