Better Luck Next Time

How many times have you, yes YOU :-*, decided after the end of a relationship that you would change the way you approach relationships in general? "Next time I'm not going to put out on the first date." "Next time I'm not going to be so serious." "Next time I'm going to give more blow jobs." It happens to me all the time. Its as if a relationship ends and its "Game Over" and you lose a "relationship" life, but you get to start over again. In video games you can attempt to conquer the same stage over again, but in the real world, more often than not, you do NOT get another chance at the same relationship, but you can try to do better in your next one.

I broke up with my "first official boyfriend" about a year ago next month. While I don't remember every single resolution I made for next time, I do remember a few:

1.) Be more relaxed and have more fun
2.) Don't dwell on the future, live in the here and now
3.) Stop being so DAMN cynical! Remember self-fufilling prophecies
4.) Look at a guy as a friend and not as "the enemy"
5.) Spontenaity never killed anyone.. except for those who spontaneously decided to jump off a cliff...

The workings of a fickle mind

Just Wednesday I was blogging about how I was toying with the idea of coaxing my roommate into a relationship. I believe by Friday afternoon I decided that eh, its best not to date a roommate, I'll start trying to date other people. Lo and behold by Friday evening my roommate and I decided to give it a shot and date. Good idea? Bad idea? The sad part is that I don't really know.. the answer to the question changes depending on my mood and the amount of free time I have to spend thinking of something that gets me nowhere. I'm actually starting to think that I am a fickle person because I mentally get tired of looking at something from the same angle. I need to constantly change my mind to stave off boredom! Or so I tell myself..

So what has changed post Friday's decision? Weirdly enough, not much of anything. I guess that goes to show how much we were in denial about what was going on since the pre-dating and dating periods aren't demarcated by any change in behavior. I mean, now he wants to pay for stuff more.. and has been more considerate than usual.. but yeah, thats about it..

The sad part was after the decision was made I started wondering how long we'd last. A week? A month? A day? Well we made it past a day.. but can we make it a week?? Its just that living with someone you date isn't that exciting.. you're not jittery about whether or not they'll call b/c well, you'll see them when you get home. You're not so anxious about proving anything to them to make them like you more b/c well hey, if you're living together and dating, you damn well like someone a lot to put up w/ the idea of seeing them EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I also realize that I'm more freaked out about the idea of dating someone I live with b/c I SUCK at relationships. It's like someone who is a horrible driver and has a long history of accidents then saying, hey! I want to drive in the Indy 500.. probably not the best idea.. I say I suck b/c my actions in a relationship are not so much based on the preservation of the relationship and creating happiness for both parties (i.e. being successful at relationships) but more preservation of my own happiness (i.e. being bad at relationships). Oh and should I also mention how emotionally closed off I am?

So knowing that in all likelihood this whole thing might not go so well, why have I still decided to do it? Well, I'm starting to really believe in the idea that everyone you meet in your life serves a purpose. There are a bunch of purposes I guess. Some people encourage inner growth, some people help you careerwise, and of course there are some who will ruffle your feathers enough to encourage you to look at your surroundings, and yourself for that matter, in a different light. For instance, Mr. Net and I hardly dated. Apparently I wasn't "into him enough," well, which I wasn't, but he helped bring out another side of me.. a "nicer" more emo me. Mr. Net was so emo I couldn't help but be nice to him and respond to him in kind.. I'm glad I learned that part of me exists.. So I'm hoping to learn more from this experience I guess..

Trial and error my friend... trial and error..

Should I give a damn?

Per my usual dating life, my current situation can be described as "complicated" and/or just plain "weird." For those who I haven't called and complained to already about the situation.. I'm currently NOT dating my roommate. What are we actually doing? Well when I get the answer to that I'll let you know. How did we get into this ambiguous situation? Well it all started on a Saturday night and involved lots and lots of alcohol. The only clear thing that came of the hazy night my roommate made a move on me was that we liked each other.

So what happens when people CLEARLY like each other? Well.. usually they date.. unless.. their roommates. Well what if you like someone enough to go for it anyway? Well, again.. usually you date, unless the guy feels he has come to a point in his life where he needs to be a pimp.. in which case, you don't date.

Simple eh? No dating right? WRONG. Why? B/c some guys think they want to be pimps. They imagine what life would be like having a Pamela Anderson or Beyonce look-a-like in their bed every night. A new girl for each day of the week is the going fantasy.. But one starts to wonder how truly "awesome" it would be to have such a thing happen given that in a survey of quality of life, single men are among the least happy cohort in the US while single women are the second happiest cohort.. second to who you ask? Second to men in RELATIONSHIPS!! Dun dun duuun.. So we have a bit of a conundrum.. On one hand we have men who fight tooth and nail for the freedom they covet sooo much, swearing that with this freedom their going to get laid ALL the time by different women. On the other hand, you have the stats.. most men actually don't like being alone. The freedom they covet so much, in the end, means little in terms of their happiness..

So you may ask, what is my roommate doing with the freedom he's fighting for? Hm lets see in the past three days he's tried to hook up with me twice, and finally got me to sleep in his bed (with minimal hanky-panky) by whining enough about it.

So given that my roommate, being the male that he is, is not using the freedom I have more than granted him to do whatever or whomever he wants, and would really get more action on a regular basis if we dated, do you think if I presented this case to him he would agree to finally start dating me so we can be done with this whole charade? If you said yes, you'd be WRONG. B/c apparently the male brain doesn't work that way. He's going to have to go about doing his own thing until he "realizes" that being a "player" ain't all its cracked up to be.. which is fine except, my roommate is L-A-Z-Y AND PICKY! You can't be a picky player! Or a lazy one for that matter, unless your name is Brad Pitt. How do you expect to get ass??

Well my friends, my patience has run out and I want to take some action. Not any direct, straightforward action... no, no that doesnt go well in the dating world. More like soft, gentle nudging.. i.e. being manipulative :) BUT being the kind of person I am, I like when my friends are happy and I don't like being clingy. So the more I think about coaxing my roommate into a relationship, the more I worry if I'm doing something wrong. Why cage a bird that wants to be free? Well the other problem is I see women do it ALL the time! It is my opinion that I am part of the 10% of the female population whose main goal is not to trap a man but be an equal friend/lover with one. And how far has that gotten me? Nowhere! Apparently men are to be hunted and devoured.. again not directly.. but in that manipulative sort of way.. b/c left to their own devices they'd just be sad and lonely with all that freedom they swear they want.

So what have I ultimately decided? Well turns out I'm not the most decisive person when it comes to dating.. I'll give it another couple of weeks though. In the meantime I will build enough resolve to reject EVERY advance made by my roommate.. and maybe just maybe he'll pull his head out of his ass and realize how utterly ridiculous his thought process is.. MAYBE..