New obsession

Ok so I finally stopped thinking about the roommate situation after a friend bitch slapped me with the comment "Why are you taking this so damn seriously? Are you gong to base where you go to med school on him?" Me: "Ha! No." Him: "Well then.."

Today I was procrastinating per usual and was reading the March horoscope from astrologyzone.com.. I looked up my roommates sign and busted out laughing when I read the following:

"One last thought about romance: Pluto will retrograde on March 26, the same day as mentioned above. If you've been involved with a certain someone, you may have a change of heart about continuing the relationship on an exclusive level. You'll have your reasons, but playing the field would be a good idea. "

Then I looked up my weekly horoscope and found the following:

"You’re all set to launch something new on Monday and feel great about it. Everything seems to match up and all signals seem to be “go” until Tuesday when the vibe changes fairly abruptly. A relationship that you’d thought was all set may not be quite as stable as you’d supposed. Maybe there are religious, cultural or creative differences – or maybe you simply want different things. Your differences become even more noticeable after Thursday. During the next three weeks, you may have to make a decision to either accept a situation as it is or pack up and move on. "

Wow... the stars are definetly conspiring to get me to find a new obsession.. which I predict will be figuring out if/where I'm going to med school in August since March is also the month I find out!

I'm in for a bumpy ride indeed..

At the seams..

It might be the cynist in me, or maybe I'm being realistic. But part of me is preparing for this to all fall apart. But it won't matter too much, b/c I've just been granted an interview at my alma mater! (Did I spell that right?)

:)

Soulmates

I do believe in souls. I do believe in a soul continually learning lessons in each new lifetime. Do I believe in the fairytale crap hollywood has drummed up about soulmates? Not so much. But I read this excerpt from an article and I had one of those few but important moments in life when you smile b/c you realize (or want to realize) that there is something greater than the mundane in's & out's of everyday life.

"There is someone special for every one. Often there are two or three even four. They come from different generations. They travel across oceans of time and the depths of heavenly dimensions to be with you again. They come from the other side, from heaven. They look different, but your heart knows them. Your heart has held them in arms like yours in the moon-filled deserts of Egypt and the ancient plains of Mongolia. You bonded together throughout eternity, and you will never be alone. Your head may interfere: “I do not know you.” Your heart knows."

Behind closed doors

A strong woman you are.
You run so the weight of the world cannot rest squarely on your shoulders.
Running and feeling a high.
But that weight, those demons, the inertia, all have a strange way of catching up to you.
Your legs grow weary, your resolve, weak.
The weight sits on your shoulders and you collapse behind closed doors.
But few doors stay shut forever.
The doors swing open, and there you are, again, a strong woman.

Why it matters...

So on the surface of things it might sound a tad bit materialistic that I'm extremely excited that my bf, instead of doing the cheesy flowers and dinner thing, bought me a nano (dude they're tiny!). But it honestly means more than that. Read below (Based on a true story; names have been changed just for the heck of it):

Its a relatively quiet Friday night. Bang is sitting on the couch delaying work by scrolling though random messageboards. JT, Bang's PLATONIC roommate, sits in his recliner, eating a burrito he bought at a local taqueria minutes earlier.

JT: So you going to get dressed and come to this party with me?
Bang: I thought you weren't going?
JT: Yeah but I thought about it and I feel like I'm just being an old man.
Bang: chuckles Who's throwing this party again?
JT: My old frat buddy.
Bang: Is it going to be good?
JT: Yeah. Its going to be awesome!
Bang: Then why didn't you want to go in the first place?
JT: smiles I don't know.
Bang: Well I guess I gotta remember that I'll be going to med school soon. I better live it up now.
JT: Exaactly.

At a party in the Presidio. Bang and JT stand in a corner of the basement holding red cups. Bang has a vodka tonic.. so does JT. This might actually be the least ethnically diverse party Bang or JT has EVER attended.

Bang: Um wow. I dont think I've even seen an asian person here.
JT: Yeah this party is pretty white. See white people are like negatively polarized and repel each other so we need alcohol or some color to make us come together.
Bang: squinting eyes I see..
JT: Wanna go back upstairs?
Bang: Sure

Standing by tall speakers, Bang is confused by the host's music selection.

JT: Do you have one of these? Pointing to the iPod docked in a holder
Bang: No. I want one though. But I refuse to buy one.
JT: Why?
Bang: First of all they're ridiculously expensive. Secondly I'm waiting for a boyfriend to buy me one.
JT: Laughing histerically WHAT?
Bang: Its a tradeoff you know. Women provide emotional support in a relationship and should be repaid with things they want. Lets not forget the physical aspect. I mean that might sound bad. Its not really prostitution, just expression of appreciation.
JT: I would never just buy a girl an iPod.. I mean..
Bang: But honestly as a guy you probably dont express your emotions to your guy friends. So a girlfriend provides that outlet for you. Doesn't she deserve something for that?
JT: Emotional support? Well to me a girlfriend is a friend I can have sex with.
Bang: Well whatever.

JT: Hey that girls hot.
Bang: Uh, no she's not.
JT: Well her body is hot.
Bang: Well her face is not.
JT: That doesn't matter.
Bang: What?? Its the total package! How can a girl with a good body but an unattractive face still be hot?
JT: Well guys dont look at it that way.
Bang: Go talk to her then.
JT: No thats ok.
Bang: You just said she's hot! Why not? She could be a really cool person.
JT: When I say "hot" it means who I'd want to take home if I was drunk and horny.
Bang: So she's not iPod worthy? smiles
JT: Um, no. It would take a lot for that.
Bang: Then who here is iPod worthy thinks in her head, "I am"
JT: I'll point her out when I see her...

Awesome Quote

I'm not usually the sappy type, but I saw this quote on a friend's facebook page and got kinda choked up (*-*) ..sniff..sniff

"A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you forget it."

Great moments in etymology*: Could you coo?

OMG! This is totally out of left field. But I was on AOL Music today listening to Michael Buble's "new" album "With Love." Honestly I like the guy but why the hell wont he A.) Sing some songs HE has written and stop doing covers and B.) Stop reshuffling his old songs onto "new" albums.

But I digress.. In one of the songs he sings the lyrics are "Could you coo or could you care?" OMG! You know how you see people looking at babies and saying "Coochie coochie coo"??? Its supposed to be "Could you, could you coo" Coo meaning "to make the low soft cry of a dove or pigeon or a similar sound." Ahh, life makes a little more sense to me now..

And that concludes another (actually the first) great moment in etymology..

*Previously etiology.. but I'm a dumbass :)

Clever Much?

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who I hadn't spoken to in a while. I was filling her in on new developments in my life and inevitably the issue of having the roommate boyfriend came up. "How'd you guys start dating?" she asked. As I explained the situation to her I had a sudden thought, "Men aren't as stupid as I thought!"

I was so busy strategizing about how to date my roommate, then how to not date him, and back to how to date him again, that I seemed to have missed his intentions from the get go. From the beginning he was in "Get that girl" mode.. I look back at it now - inviting me to his company party, inviting me out w/ his friends EVERYTIME they did stuff together, the random comments "This is our song," or "I think WE'D make great friends," suggesting we should be exclusive and then when rejected he took it in stride pretending for a moment that he also believed that it was a bad idea to date, THEN trying to put responsibilty on me to rebuff all his approaches since I'm the girl and he's the guy.. guys make the moves, girls are supposed to reject them.. yeah right.. he didnt want me to reject him.. The constant remarks about his plan to hook up with "lots of girls" but then staying in on the weekends..

So I guess from the beginning he (and his penis) decided they would stop at nothing, rain or shine, rejection or no rejection.. While I might be under the impression that I lured him into this relationship w/ my adept dating skills, its what he wanted all along.. and I couldn't have gotten him into a relationship if he didn't want it in the first place. B/c as Dr. Phil says, "If a guy truly wants his freedom, you couldn't lure him into a commitment even if you were the sole heir to the Lay-Z Boy company. But if he's ready and [he wants you], you couldn't outrun him if you tried." Or something like that..

BOO! Its almost equivalent to bowling w/ bumpers... or riding a bike w/ training wheels :(

Who Am I?

Leave it to a boyfriend (ah shit, did I let that word slip?) to elicit thoughts of self identity. Last night my roommate/bf/dating partner? (man i'm so confused) did something that annoyed me greatly; the kind of annoyance where your blood goes from normal to boiling in nanoseconds. What did he do? It seems that the usual ritual these days is for one of us to visit the other before we go to bed and just decompress. Yesterday he comes into my room to say "ok i'm tired i'm going to bed." All of a sudden I was angry and just gave him the uber-bitch look. Why was I angry? I guess it was a reaction out of fear, fear that he didnt want to "do this anymore." Did he say it? No. But I thought it, and that was enough for me to react off of. After dismissing anything that came out of his mouth at that point as useless drivel I turned my cheek and continued to read.

For a minute I thought of the idea of storming into his room and yelling at him. I gave it 10 minutes and by the end of that time I was no longer mad. Not to mention, he wouldn't even understand what the hell I'd be yelling about b/c I was projecting my thoughts onto him in the first place. I realized that I was having one of my "bratty" reactions. I want things when I want them and when I dont get them I get ANGRY! Its a reaction at a primitive level really, since I feel I have absolutely no control over it. In my hay (hey? who knows) day I wouldn't have waited the full 10 minutes. I would have just stormed into his room and complained, pouted, etc..

Do I think I'm a better person now for letting the little things slide? Hm, the real answer? Not really. As a matter of fact I'm so afraid of morphing back into the ultra-outspoken bitch on wheels I was in highschool, which by the way alienated me from my friends, that I let too many things slide. Big or small I let things go with little discretion, overcompensating for fear of ruffling too many feathers and again alienating myself from friends.

I guess part of the reason I'm so gung-ho about heading back east is b/c I know I'll more "me." Because, lets face it, people on the east coast are more real, honest, and bitter. Bitterness is not always a bad thing.. a huge burst of cold air on a snowy day can be a huge reality check. I kind of miss that side of me. I think now though, the difference is that I'm no longer in highschool. I've had the time to see the flip side of the coin (i.e. being happy and optimistic) and can now integrate all the parts of me I like and become a better me. B/c frankly, I'm too nice these days and I don't like it!

I also realize that I may not end up moving east any time soon. So maybe I should start implementing little steps to get me to a more "cohesive" place personality-wise... My end goal is to stop sensoring myself for fear of what others might think but also be more positive about the world around me. Doable? I think so...