Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures

In a blind rage against my recent lack of motivation to study I deleted AIM from my computer! (GASP!)

Other things I have done to increase my motivation:

1.) Start thinking of all the medical and inter-personal trauma my family and I have been through.

2.) Go online and search for websites posted by crazy, rabid, pre-meds who were once upon a time freaking out about the MCAT.

3.) Read my personal statement over and over again.

4.) Remember all the encouragement from friends and family.

5.) Realize how humiliated I will be if I bomb...

If that doesn't do it, I don't know what will..

P.S. Since I'm swearing to myself that I'm not getting on AIM until after August, you will only be able to reach me through my blogger comments.. oh and I guess email.. oh and I guess cellphone.. who the hell am I kidding here?

I'm Angry

After deciding that, yes, Mr. Protege is a shady character I really need not have in my life, in my boredom and procrastination I went online looking for an article about signs that a guy is married, or has a girlfriend, etc., to see if I had a right to be suspicious. I found that I did. But I also randomly came across a forum about women talking about compulsive liars who were either boyfriends, husbands, fathers of their children etc. I read through some of it to humor myself, but to my suprise I just became completely angered. I'm angered by the stupidity of the women, the narrow mindedness, and the complete inability to live life!

I swear stories ranged from "My boyfriend is a compulsive liar and lies about stupid stuff to make himself feel better" to "I have been married for 13 years and my husband has been lying to me from day one. It started off with small lies, but now its big lies and our house is being repossessed." And what did all of these women have in common? After going on about the clear pattern a compulsive liar has - the lies always started out small and got bigger with time - the dumbasses had the nerve to say that they still loved the men that lied to them, caused them pain, ruined their lives, made friends and families abandon them, and were looking for ways to help the LIARS!

Man! What a trip. One post went so far as to say, "you should try to help a compulsive liar, unless he's cheating on you. No one should put up with cheating!" How comical! Cheating.. no. But years of deciept, emotional abuse, and losing yourself is A-OK!

How sad.. I'm coming to learn now that a person's world is as large or small as they want it to be. If you believe that you've met someone and although they're bad for you, you guys are meant to be together, then you've resigned to a life of smallness, closing yourself off from the world OUT THERE. On the other hand, people who see the world to be a much more expansive place with lessons to be learned, people to meet, and adventures to be embarked upon, would never let themselves put up with so much bullshit. I mean yes, we all falter and get trapped in small world thinking - we're only human. But there comes a point - actually there should be many points - in one's life where one has to take stock of where one is and where one wants to go in life.

Does it really matter that so and so said such and such about you? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you feel blah about? Do you really deserve any abuse, emotional and otherwise? The answer should be a resounding NO! I'm not going to lie and say that the world outside of the ones we tend to create for ourselves is completely awesome. That's why we choose to stay in our bubbles in the first place right? At least I know whats going on right now, right here. Why risk it and find out that things are worse outside of my bubble?

Well, that's just not living. Some of the strongest lessons we learn in life come from venturing out, making a mistake, and remembering never to make that mistake again. And in the dissappointment that can come from exploration there is also excitement and joy that can come from discovering things you may not have even been looking for in the first place.

But geezum people, have we all really gotten to the point where we'd rather sacrifice happiness and sense of self just so that we can be "safe" with what we have sitting at home? And why are so many humans masochists? Its almost as if we instinctively go out looking to create trouble and disorder in our lives with people who are bad for us, rather than exploring and learning how to make ourselves better people.

Anyway, I'm going to get off my soap box now and hope that at least one person reading this will understand what the hell I'm rambling on about..

In essence, don't sell yourself short kido. Your life can be as good as you want it to be*...
(sans external forces like tsunamis and crazy family members.. but who said life was easy?)

New Obsession

After taking some time to ponder about the existence of free will, I was naturally led to wonder about determinism. I suddenly remembered an email that Jon sent about how Newtonian laws of mechanical motion were used by others (Pierre Simon de Laplace was the first) to serve as evidence for a deterministic universe. From what I've seen in life, I personally think that life has been written for all of us. The only thing we can do or can be done is delaying the inevitable path destiny has out for us. But that's just me. And of course, in my search for knowledge I found another weirdo with pretty cool ideas... I'm not so crazy about the god part though...

my new obsession = metaphysics

http://home.uchicago.edu/~stp/writings/protomc.html

Diary of an attached man

I've recently had to look at the stone cold reality of life. As good as it feels to be a realist, I must say I miss peering out at life through starry eyed lenses. I don't like writing about deep stuff on my blog, so I'll keep it light and talk about, what else? men..

So after 3 months of dealing with Mr. Protege, it finally dawns on me what's causing his strange behavior. He's attached.. to someone else or maybe a few someones.

I must say I initially thought this to be the case. The calling but not planning dates, the sudden dissappearances. But after talking to a friend who said I was "giving him to much credit" for saying that he was dating others, I thought, hm, maybe I am giving him credit where it's not due. I mean isn't the biggest compliment you can give most men dubbing them a "mack daddy" "pimp master" etc...

I also noticed that he was available every weekend. Every weekend for 2 months, like clockwork he'd come knocking down my door. I thought, surely he can't be attached. What woman would let their boyfriend roam on the weekend? Then I thought to myself, what is the ratio of stupid women to not-stupid women? Aha.. Most men get away with ridiculous antics because they can always find someone to put up with it. These girls usually end up becoming the guys safety blanket. After he's been rejected by that awesome woman who refuses to put up with his crap he crawls back, tail tucked between his legs, to the woman that accepts him in all his idiocy. I don't know what the statistic is, but I truly doubt he ends up marrying the doormat. I mean while its nice to have that safety, do you really ever respect someone you can walk all over? I know I don't.

In any case, this just hit me out of the blue. After Mr. Protege called to tell me I "ssssucked" and has pretty much disappeared I realized, men are needy bastards! If its not sex, its emotional comfort, if its not that its food. They always need something due to their poor ability to create it for themselves. I mean masturbation is an option if you're sexually needy.. but at some point you just realize how pathetic you are. Men also seek women out as emotional meccas. Society teaches them that they should suppress their emotions and secrets. So they really can't be so emotionally open to their homeboys. So women, being open, giving, and nurturing help them release their emotional side without feeling like less than a man in front of his peers. And food.. well I don't know too many men who can actually cook.

So given how needy a man is, if he's not getting his needs met with you, chances are he's getting them met somewhere. That's what most people state as the first sign that a guy is cheating right? If he loses interest in having sex with you its b/c he's having his needs met elsewhere.

That being said, I think I met Mr. Protege's doormat the first time I met him. Well I didn't meet her as much as I got a glance. As she walked away he thought it necessary to draw my attention to her and called her his "best friend," who he had initally pursued romantically but then realized she had "nothing going for her." This is of course after I told him that I wasn't interested in anyone who had nothing going for them... oh what a smooth talker..

Good thing I've had this happen to me before in college. Mr... lets call him Cocky Bastard, always seemed to drop into my life when his relationship was on the rocks. Of course I didn't know at the time that he was in a relationship until one day at a party a mutual friend randomly mentioned his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND?? Sigh.. Mr. Cocky Bastard and I are still on good terms since I never gave into his lying ways and we just stayed friends with no romantic involvement.

Same goes for Mr. Protege. Sometimes he acts like I'm his life's blood - hence the practical stalking. And other times.. who knows. Given that his disappearances are well timed with him "revealing" how much he likes me, in some way, I guess I could have just attributed it to basic guy behavior - pulling away from a situation far enough that they can be rational, rather than emotional. Not to say that this doesn't happen, and not to say there isn't an element of it in this situation, but there are clearly other things laying below the surface.

Now say Mr. Protege decides to pop back into my life and drop a line. Will I be hostile? Nope.. Why? Because he realizes I serve as no one's doormat. Not to mention I crossed him off of the boyfriend potential list a long time ago. But it just goes to show that now I'm not in the bubble of college where you can pretty much find out everything about anyone by simply asking around, I really have to keep my guard up. Not like its something I'm not good at doing anyway.

For that matter, it almost seems comical to me that many woman demand seriousness/committment way too early in a relationship. You don't even know this person well and you're demanding that they date you and only you. My advice? Even if you might be interested in someone in a romantic way, let a friendship develop first. I mean do you ever really care if a friend is acting shady to other women? Its funny to hear guys talk about the girls in their lives they're pulling stunts with. Just make sure you're not the girl they're talking about. And if having sex with them is going to make you a committment maniac, just don't do it. And that whole nonsense about how waiting a month to have sex is good timing - bullshit. A month is NOT enough time to get to know someone. Three months? A little better..

Peace, love, and romantic bliss...

With a grain of salt

While friends can be great pillars of advice for things you may be clueless about, I'd like to offer a caveat on taking dating advice from friends. DON'T DO IT!

Though it was probably fine to take dating advice from friends in junior high and high school, after college, its time you stand up on your own two feet and figure shit out for yourself. In junior high and high school people were pretty much the same, fit into very similar molds, most people weren't individuals. So what applied in one situation, probably applied across the board. During and after college, though, everything becomes a lot more complex. The only people you should really be taking dating advice from at this point are family and/or good friends of the person you're dating, good guy friends (who aren't trying to get into your pants), and maybe, maybe even your parents.. maybe..

While I love my girlfriends I've found that sometimes taking their advice or listening to their views on what relationships should look like can actually exacerbate any anxiety I might have about a situation. A friend has never made a dating situation that was good, worse, but when I'm unsure of things, girlfriends can definetly throw even bigger doubt into the mix. A recent study described by Psychology Today found that people in longterm relationships were the worst at detecting whether another couple who recently began dating were actually in love. Why? B/c people in longterm relationships already have their own ideas of what "love" should look like. So if your relationship doesn't fit into their mold, they're more likely to believe that something is amiss.

The same goes for girlfriends who aren't interested in the same kinds of guys you're into. If they date the emo type, and you date the uber alpha male type, chances are they're going to give you shitty advice. Not because they want to purposely sabotage your relationship, but b/c they see relationships through their own experiences - experiences which will differ greatly from your own. How many times have I been told that guys I like are assholes? A lot of the time I chuckle in my head and think, "yup, he is an asshole, and I love it." Why? B/c if I tried to date a guy who was boring and safe and called every day and did the things I asked him to do I'd be bored out of my mind and become completely disinterested. As fact - my friend just broke up with a guy that was nice and treated her "well." Why? B/c he had no pazazz! no cajones! In short, he wasn't an "asshole."

And I'd like to also straighten something out. There are two types of assholes, as well as two types of bitches. A "good" bitch is a woman who is confident, has high self esteem, won't let others walk all over her, doesn't overcompensate, and stays true to herself through and through. A "bad" bitch is someone who's just catty, bitter, probably has self esteem problems, and gets on everyone's goddamn nerves. Just like a "good" asshole is a guy who refuses to be overly feminized. Yeah he knows what you want, but a lot of the times, its now what he wants, so he's not going to cave and change who he is for other people. A "bad" asshole is a guy with poor values and moral character, lies, cheats, and should really have his ass kicked.

With that said, I actually prefer the "good" asshole. Makes life much more interesting.. less predictable, he's a guys guy, and a guy a lot of girlfriends might not like as much.. just like guy friends don't exactly love when their friend is dating a "bitch."

But in any case, I don't want to discount girlfriends as a source of dating advice. Sometimes you need to hear things from a different perspective to make a sound decision. Also, you may just be too close to something to see it for what it is.

So here are some questions you should ask yourself before you ask/take advice from a friend:

1.) Are they in a long term relationship?
This is important b/c if they are, chances are, they might be more critical of the behaviors of a person in a budding relationship than if you yourself were in a long term relationship. For instance I was talking to a friend about a guy I was dating that I hadn't talked to for a few days. Her reaction: "He hasn't called you yet? Fucker." My reaction: Well we're not in a committed relationship of any kind, I feel he doesn't need to make check up calls.. and for that matter, if he did I'd think it was creeeepy. And how many times have I heard a friend say "I wouldn't put up with that!" At which point I realize they have "conveniently" forgotten what they have put up with in the name of "love."

2.) Would you touch their current partner or past partners with a 10 foot pole?
If the answer is no, maybe you shouldn't be asking them for advice. If they have a history of dating guys who are too [insert adjective], which would make your skin crawl, chances are they're only going to be able to give you advice on how to handle such a guy. Run! B/c the advice they are likely to give you will most likely ruin your current situation. But if you think they've had great boyfriends in the past and are dating a great guy, ask away! You'll learn a thing or two.

3.) Do you guys share the same dating MO's?
If you're just dating to have fun and they're usually in relationships or vice versa, again you're setting yourself up for bad advice. You don't want a boyfriend, so why give a shit about how much or how often he shows he "cares." I once told a friend asking for advice that she should not answer this particular guy's phone calls for a week. Then either answer or call him back the following week. Her response: "Psshhh.. I'm just looking for some ass. If I don't answer his calls how am I going to get any this weekend?" Me: Oh! Well in that case by all means, go ahead. If you wanted someone drooling over you at just the sound of your name, then take my advice. Just want a piece of ass? Definetly dont.

4.) Has their dating advice helped you in the past?
If the answer is no, then don't keep asking. Your friend is well intentioned but in the end a lot of us have different emotional needs, different relationship goals, and different tastes.

So in conclusion, take a girlfriend's dating advice with a grain of salt unless they're dating the same exact way you want to be dating. This advice goes for guys too. How many times have I heard a guy say "well my girl friend told me that girls like this and that I should share my feelings blah blah blah." Yeah if you want to be a sap that she walks all over, then yes, listen to advice from a woman. Otherwise ask a guy who's a babe magnet and he'll tell you whats up.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

So it turns out that when it comes to marriage and committed relationships I'm way more traditional than I ever thought I'd be. I think a lot of it comes from observations of other people's relationships -those that worked, those that didn't and realizing, hm, maybe our grandparents had it right.

I had a debate with my roommate yesterday about the idea of cohabitating before marriage. She felt that it made sense to "test" the relationship before marriage to see if it would actually work, and cited personal examples of when it worked.

Fair enough, but I personally do not think cohabitation before marriage is worth it. First of all, there is the cliche - why make the commitment of marriage if you can get everything you want without taking the plunge? The sex, the convenience, someone to pick up after you, etc.. (I'm seriously considering abstinence before marriage.. I'm not kidding). Not to mention that men have the "if it ain't broke why fix it?" mentality more often than women do. You just spend years trying to caddle prod someone into doing something they really don't see the point in doing. Also, living together doesn't make the committment anymore probable. When you're living together before marriage you're still not married. What's the worse that's going to happen if you break it off? A broken lease? Well such is life. More than that, doesn't that take all the excitment out of marriage? When you cohabitate as a "natural progression" towards married, then when the guy pops the question its like "well, so what?" now I have a piece of paper, and a ring. What happened to building the romance, building the bonds of the relationship so that when you do get married, you're more committed to making things work? When you're cohabitating all that romance goes down the tubes. You see that person's stank ass day and night. You come home, they're there, doing something annoying. I feel that its probably better to have a more idealistic image of a person before marriage b/c even when they're annoying after marriage, you'll think, "well, we're in this together for the long haul" rather than, "Ew! He picks his nose hairs and leaves them in the sink, time to get rid of him."

I mean I could talk on and on about this, but how thrilled was I to find actual studies that corroborated my concerns. And not that you can ever absolutely predict the outcome of any one relationship, but just realize that even though you think you're different, and you're situation is different, eh, how many millions of people came before you thinking the same thing before they got divorced? I say that instead of cohabitating, get some pre-marital counseling before taking the plunge. That's probably a much better test than having to wake up next to your partner's stank ass before you're legally required to do it.

B/c I want to prove a point:

For all women, 39% of cohabitation relationships end in 3 years, and of those remaining, 58% turn to marriage. 49% of cohabitation relationships end in 5 years, and of those remaining, 70% turn to marriage. The percentage that turn to marriage within 5 years are 75% for White women, 61% for hispanic women, and 48% for Black women <- You can see why I'm personally against the idea.

Barbara Markey (1999) notes three groups of cohabitors: 1. Linus Blanket Relationship. (Sense of Security)This type of cohabiting relationship is founded on the overwhelming need to be involved with somebody. The desire to be loved is so overwhelming and strong that many will "settle for" rather than choose someone. It can be the male or female, but more often is the female. This person needs the security of being loved and cared for and will accept almost anyone.

2. Emancipation Relationship.This type of cohabiting relationship occurs when the person wants to prove to their peers or parents that they are free to make their own choices and not bound by constraints. This type of relationship is not one which encourages the couple to work through communication skills or conflict resolution. It is not a relationship that encourages the development toward marriage.

3. Convenience Relationship.This type of cohabiting relationship is convenient, it is said, for economic reasons. The intent is to split expenses 50/50. However, studies have found that women support the men. They contribute more than 70% of the income in a cohabiting relationship. It is said to be convenient, but when the going gets rough, it's invariably the woman who drops a class or two in order to keep up with all the duties, not the man. It is said to be convenient for egalitarian-type housekeeping where both are seen as equal. Instead it moves into traditional role patterns: male dominant, female submissive. The woman finds herself cleaning, cooking and doing laundry

4. Testing Relationship. This type of cohabiting relationship tests the water before jumping in. They are committed or think they are committed to getting married. They want to first see if they are compatible by practicing marriage. They have fewer problems than the other three relationships, but statistically they are still no better off in the long run for having successful marriages. Most cohabiting couples are not living together after four years. The people who move in together, who plan to someday marry, who are 'so in love' and are 'so happy', may not be together at all within four years.

Those who live together before marriage are the least likely to marry each other. A Columbia University study cited in New Woman magazine found that "only 26% of women surveyed and a scant 19% of the men married the person with whom they were cohabiting." A more comprehensive National Survey of Families and Households, based on interviews with 13,000 people, concluded, "About 40% of cohabiting unions in the U.S. break up without the couple getting married." One of the reasons may be that those who cohabit drift from one partner to another in search of the 'right' person. The average cohabitant has several partners in a lifetime.

Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates. Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage.

The National Survey of Families and Households indicates that "unions begun by cohabitation are almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all first marriages: 57% to 30%."

Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages. A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage. Women complained about the quality of communication after the wedding. A study by researchers Alfred DeMars and Gerald Leslie (1984) found that those who live together prior to marriage scored lower on tests rating satisfaction with their marriages than couples who did not cohabit.

Those who have "trial" marriages do not have better marriages. Trial runs or half steps, to test whether the relationship "works" are not successful, in fact quite the opposite is true. Research indicates that couples who live together before marriage have significantly lower marital satisfaction than those who do not cohabit and they have weaker marriages, not stronger ones. A newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. (Harley 1996).

Those who live together have no lasting commitments or responsibilities. Cohabitation involves "no public commitment, no pledge for the future, no official pronouncement of love and responsibility. Theirs is essentially a private arrangement based on an emotional bond. The 'commitment' of living together is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. "As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around."
Marriage, on the other hand, is much more than a love partnership. It is a public event that involves legal and societal responsibilities. It brings together not just two people but also two families and two communities. It is not just for the here and now; it is, most newlyweds hope, 'till death do us part.' Getting married changes what you expect from your mate and yourself.

Those who live together before marriage can kill the romance. A woman most often see living together as romantic, while the man views the arrangement a "practical" solution that will help them iron out differences and strengthen their love (Scott 1994:80). In fact, live-in couples may find it harder to build lasting love precisely because they have lost their starry-eyed, romantic "illusions."


In all honesty, they say the same things about couples who have sex before marriage and there are plenty of couples having sex before marriage that are fine... but you've gotta wonder.

So I say, get the ring before you get the joint keys.

Male Pattern Baldness*

*Note: this post has nothing to do with baldness, but I do address males and patterns..

There's an expression, "everyone wants what they can't have." This is especially true in the dating world. That's why most of the time, men are clamoring to get that one girl that doesn't give them the time of day. And women are trying to pin down that elusive guy who "doesn't like to be tied down."

I've found in my experience, and I'm sure other people have also shared the same experience, that the "I want what I can't have" for a guy turns from a rousing game of sorts into pure frustration in 4 distinct stages.

Stage 1: I'm too cool for school
This is the very beginning. When the guy doesn't know how much of a bitch you are, or how disinterested you would be at the prospect of dating him. So in his head he just assumes you'll be like all the other chicks he gets to jock him.

Stage 2: The Sweetness
After testing a girl a few times, a guy realizes, Oh! she's a biatch! Maybe if I act super nice to her I'll get her to cave and start jocking me. Guys can be soo ridiculously nice at this point, they almost have you fooled!

Stage 3: The Bitterness
A guy can only pretend for so long. How long it takes him to get to the bitterness stage is variable. But eventually there will be an outburst caused by frustration. This may take many forms - outright yelling, a strange speech, or completely erratic behavior.

Stage 4: The Crackpot Excuse
Much like what alcohol is to the average college student, so is the bitch to the average guy. He tells himself, never again will he deal with her. But then, given time, he wants to experience the ups and downs and the excitement that the bitch puts him through. After some time (also variable) a guy will calm down, get his wits about him, feel like a dumbass for exploding, and calls to explain how his behavior was "out of character." "I've never done that before. I don't know what came over me." Whatever buddy. Sometimes a guy won't even acknowledge his behavior and act like nothing ever happened. At this point the cycle begins again, but starting from stage 2.

By the time I've reached stage 4 with a guy, I'm often disinterested to the point that I couldn't care less whether he lives or dies (in my world - not in real life. i'm not that heartless!). So I'll answer a call or two as not to be completely rude and then I just stop picking up the phone until he just gives up. I mean, if you're frustrated with someone, you don't have to make yourself look like a dumbass and tell them. It's not going to get you any closer to what you want. Geez you'd think a guy would reason that to himself. Then again.. he's not thinking.. with the right brain at least.

Mr. Protege and I are in stage 3. After leaving a message telling me that not only does my voicemail suck, but I ssssuck as well... yeah I'd count that as an act of frustration. And just like with the guys before him, I'm completely disinterested.

Such is life..

New Phrases

So Paris Hilton's "That's hot" i realized isnt very original. Black people have been saying it forever. "have you seen that car? That shit's hot!" See what i mean? I guess she should be credited for adding a more aloof, "hey i'm worth millions," heiress tone to it. But anyway, it's inspired me to come up with phrases of my own. And just like Paris, I plan on getting them copyrighted.

"Hola Vaca" - i think its hilarious to call people cows, wait you dont? too bad

"I'll get jesus on your ass!" - I'm sure to offend some people. Sweet!

"That's not me." or the better version "That's not [insert your name here] - "Do you want to eat out?" That's not me. "Hey this pink shirt is cool" Thats not me... how obnoxious!

Crap I forgot the other ones.. but i'll update the list as they come to me.

Shoot Me Now

I spent the last summer of my college career taking a full year of organic chemistry and half a year of physics. At the end of the summer I realized, wow, that was the last period of time that I had to waste and relax and I spent it doing the exact opposite - studying hard and being stressed to the max. Although I'm glad that I got my premed requirements out of the way, I realize that my last college summer could have been spent doing something much more enjoyable - i.e. traveling, sleeping, partying, etc.

Well summer is almost here again folks, and what am I doing? Not only do I have the responsibility of a full time job, and I'd like to argue that having to take care of Max is like having half the headache of taking care of a child, but I'm also spending the summer studying for the MCAT. Today I spent a full day working, then part of the night studying, until my brain just shut off. Then I realized, wow, I'm not going to be able to have guilt-free fun until the Fall.. how depressing..

Words of Wisdom

Me: How do I find motivation again?

Friend: Imagine not getting in.

Me: AhhhH! What if I don't get in?!


.. Sometimes visualization of failure is much more powerful than visualizing success..

______________________________________________

Me: When is someone too waffly? [insert story]

Friend: Well he's definetly too waffly, but hey everyone needs a romantic interest. So just use him until something better comes along.

Me: But I don't like the idea of settling.

Friend: Every relationship is about settling because no one is perfect.

Me: Never thought of it that way.

Friend: If we never "settled" in any area of life, nothing would ever get done.

Me: So you're saying use him until I get a life again, then dump him like a hot potato?

Friend: Exactly

Me: Soounds good...

This just isnt going to work

I don't really understand how Hollywood couples stay together.. with all those egos flying around it just seems like a recipe for disaster. Then again, most Hollywood relationships don't work out.

Setting Hollywood aside, Mr. Protege and I just aren't going to work out. See, Mr. Protege 1.) thinks a lot of women are "shady" aka liars (to be read: he has baggage) and 2.) has had enough women chase him around (to be read: he was a college athlete) that he has grown accustomed to it. What does this translate into? Pretty much I should be honored that he is paying attention to me and I really need to leave my weekends open just in case he wants to hang out. (He didnt say any of this, but he might as well have.) Even though he's the dumbass that put all his cards on the table!

Well here's the problem in all of this. Since I have high self-esteem (to be read: the world really should revolve around me.. jk ;) ), lots of work to do, and no real need for a boyfriend (This should not be read "I don't need no man." I'm just simply saying it would be nice, not necessary) there is just no way I'm going to chase him around. Me? Chase a guy? Why I never.. or at least never will again :)

So what's left? Much of nothing. I always wondered in this day in age which men were still looking for women who would be their doormats. Answer - Those who are accustomed to it and can't pull their heads out of their asses long enough to see how retarded they're being.

Good times.. Good times..

The legacy lives on

How psyched was I tonight when a friend told me that hew was heading off to LFMOTQ!

For those of you who don't know - Last year I lived in Murray and not really remembering whose idea it was to start a new tradition, a group of us decided that Stanford needed to be way more sketch. Solution? Institute Last Full Moon On the Quad where seniors, and pretty much anyone else who's game, could get their last kicks as undergrads before being pushed into the "real world" where making out with strangers based on the phase of the moon would probably land you in jail.

Last year was kind of a blur. I do remember kissing a girl. Then there was some three way kissing action with a guy who I thought hated me since freshman year. Who knew!

More importantly who knew that a year later I'd be sitting in my apartment in sweats, with zit cream on my face, studying for the mcats, with my dog sleeping against the toilet in the bathroom... who knew..

Happy LFMOTQ! ;-)

In the beginning...

It's funny how in the beginning of getting to know someone, almost no wrong can be done. What the other person says is hilarious! They get you. You couldn't be happier. Then the relationship crashes into a wall and bursts into flames like a car at the Indy-500.. you mourn, you get over it, and you wonder, What in the HELL did I see in that person?

Well I've learned from my last relationship to pay particular attention to what a guy says in the beginning when he's stupid and giddy and willing to tell you anything and everything. Because folks, history repeats itself, so why not be prepared?

Things I've learned from Mr. Protege:

1.) He thinks its perfectly fine to curse at a girlfriend. Not so much "hey bitch where's my shit?!" But more like, "Are you serious? No I don't believe it. Shut the fuck up. Really?"

2.) He's bad at breaking up. He usually just pushes the girl to do it (TYPICAL!). But he's been working on being more forthcoming. He told his last ex that he didn't think their "personalities meshed as well as he would like." When he really meant, "yeah I don't like you anymore."

3.) He thinks drunk dialing is hilarious.

So what do I learn from this?

Well if we ever actually start dating, when its over I will

A.) Have broken him of the habit at cursing at a girlfriend

B.) Will have to break up with him. Or when he gives some shitty excuse I'll know what he really means.

C.) Woohoo! Drunk dials from an Ex! How exciting!!!